From an End
by Jessica237
Summary: [SC, EC] From every end sparks a new beginning. But it's never as easy as it seems.
1. Chapter One

**Author's Note: **Contains spoilers for Lost Son. This is a multichapter fic, with a fair amount of Speed/Calleigh, as well as a fair amount of Eric/Calleigh. Italics throughout denote flashbacks and dreams. Nothing you recognize belongs to me.

* * *

**Chapter One**

"I certainly hope you're not falling asleep on me," Tim said with a smirk, tugging gently on Calleigh's hand.

"Not my fault," Calleigh mumbled, forcing herself to open her eyes. She tried for a few moments more to concentrate on the movie they were watching. It wasn't that she was tired; she was just so warm, so comfortable nestled in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder. Soon she found her eyelids growing heavy again.

"Not your fault; yeah right," Tim snickered. "It's a little early to be blaming that on the baby, Cal."

Calleigh shifted slightly; trying to find a better position. She smiled; Tim was teasing her about falling asleep, yet he wouldn't let go of her enough to let her change position so she could stay awake. "I wasn't blaming that on the baby, Tim," she replied sassily, "I was blaming it on you."

He raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

Calleigh grinned. "You heard me." She tilted her head enough so she was able to look up in to his eyes. "Don't you remember? You kept me up for half the night last night," she mentioned cheekily.

Tim smirked. "Not my fault; seeing as how I distinctly remember you begging me not to stop."

"I did not beg," Calleigh retorted matter-of-factly, her cheeks tinting nonetheless.

"Well, you were certainly enjoying it then, so you can't use that as an excuse."

Calleigh rolled her eyes, smiling. "Fine. You just picked a boring movie. It's putting me to sleep."

"Baby, you always fall asleep, no matter what the movie is," Tim remarked amusedly.

Calleigh smiled, snuggling closer to him. "I'm comfortable. When I'm comfortable, I get sleepy." She shrugged. "And I figure I'd better enjoy it before I get fat and uncomfortable. You know, before your son or daughter starts kicking me all over the place," she joked.

Tim snickered, pressing a kiss to her hair. "Oh please, she's your daughter too." He brushed his hand over her still flat abdomen, resting it there underneath her shirt. "And you know you can't wait until she starts kicking."

Calleigh chuckled. "You know me too well," she commented.

"Well, I'd like to think so," he replied smugly.

Calleigh sighed, placing her hand over his on her abdomen. "What makes you think it's a girl?" she asked softly. She grinned when he didn't answer. "I see. You want a girl," she said with a giggle.

Tim chuckled. "Well, the idea of completely spoiling my little girl does appeal to me."

Calleigh laughed. "God, this is gonna be awful. It won't matter if I ever tell her no for anything; she'll just run to you and you'll give it to her right away."

"Well, not everything. Just most things."

Calleigh raised an eyebrow. "Okay, tell me one thing you won't let her have," she demanded.

Tim gave her a deadly serious look. "She comes to me and asks if she can go out one night with that silly boy in her English class; that's gonna get a definite no for an answer."

"Tim!" she exclaimed, swatting his arm playfully.

"What? I'm serious!"

"You are not!" Calleigh laughed.

"Fine. Try me then, in sixteen years. See if I'm not serious." He kept his serious face for a moment longer before he couldn't hold back a grin. "Fine," he relented, rolling his eyes. She can date when she's seventeen. After I meet the boy and lay down some ground rules."

Calleigh laughed. After a moment she sighed again, laying her head back on his shoulder. "I'm so glad you're as excited about this as I am."

"God, Calleigh, I'm ecstatic. I can't believe you ever doubted that."

Calleigh shrugged. "It wasn't so much that I doubted it; I was just scared." She moved her hand, lacing her fingers with his.

Again he pressed a kiss to her hair; knowing it took a lot for her to admit that. "I admit; I was kind of freaked out at first. But now there's nothing I'd rather have. And now I can't wait to tell everybody."

Calleigh pulled back, looking into his eyes. "About us?"

"Yeah." He trailed his eyes down to her stomach, atop which their hands were still linked. "After all, it's gonna get pretty hard to hide it soon."

Calleigh smiled. "You're right on that," she murmured. "When do you want to tell everybody? End of the week, maybe?"

Tim pursed his lips. "You know, I was thinking more like tomorrow." He smirked. "Knowing Eric and Valera, they've probably figured most of it out already. It certainly didn't take long for Alexx to figure it out. Although, that was your fault."

Calleigh laughed. "Oh come on, Tim, you don't do the best job of being discreet about it either," she remarked, ducking her head to hide her tinting cheeks.

"And once again, you enjoy every minute of it," he replied cheekily.

"That I do," Calleigh replied with a giggle. She leaned in close to him, capturing his lips with hers in a deep kiss. Pulling away, she rested her forehead against his. "I love you," she whispered.

Tim grinned. "I love you too," he replied, reconnecting their lips. Calleigh moaned lightly, opening her mouth to him as he pulled her over onto his lap so she was straddling him. Her hands found their way to the back of his neck, scratching lightly at his skin while Tim's hands played with the hem of her shirt, just barely skimming the skin underneath. He broke the kiss, opting instead to trail his lips over her jawline, down her neck and finally to her collarbone. Calleigh breathed deeply; letting it out with a happy sigh. She moaned again as his hands slid further beneath her shirt, and, missing the contact, she cupped his face and brought her lips back to his.

He broke the kiss again, ignoring her protest. "You're beautiful," he whispered, staring at her. Calleigh grinned, trailing a finger over his face.

Abruptly Calleigh's ears tuned into the silence behind her, and she glanced back before replacing her attention completely on Tim. "The movie's over," she murmured, her grin widening.

Tim snickered. "That's too bad," he said, gripping the bottom of her shirt and pulling it up over her head. "I guess we'll just have to find some other way to entertain ourselves for the rest of the afternoon," he added suggestively.

Calleigh pretended to not know what he was talking about. "Well, I guess we could always put in another movie."

"Nuh-uh. I don't want you falling asleep."

Calleigh giggled. "And I suppose you know of a way to keep me awake?" she teased.

Tim gave her a wicked grin, tracing his fingers down her sides, watching her eyes flutter closed as she sighed in pleasure. He kissed her shoulder, moving his way back upward to her lips. "Oh, I've got a fairly good idea…"


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

Tim woke alone the next morning, hearing the sound of Calleigh's hair dryer in the bathroom. He frowned, wishing she was still in bed with him instead of in the bathroom. With a yawn, he pulled himself out of the bed, making his way to the bathroom just as Calleigh finished with the hair dryer. He closed in behind her, slipping his arms around her waist and nuzzling his cheek against hers. "Morning, baby."

Calleigh giggled. "Morning." She winced. "Ow, Tim! You need to shave," she whined, rubbing her cheek.

Tim gave a low chuckle, the sound sending shivers up Calleigh's spine. "Oh please. You love it." He moved his lips to her earlobe, nibbling gently at it before pressing a kiss just behind it. "You feeling okay this morning?" he asked, resting a hand over her stomach.

Calleigh sighed, leaning back into his embrace. "Yeah, surprisingly. Maybe your daughter's finally tired of making me sick every morning." He chuckled again right by her ear, and Calleigh squirmed lightly in his arms. A grin crept across her face as she felt his lips again moving against her skin. "I love you," she murmured.

"Love you too," he whispered huskily. "I just wish you'd waited for me."

Calleigh stared at him in the mirror, confused. "What?"

"Very inconsiderate of you, really," he teased.

"What on earth are you talking about?"

Tim smirked. "The shower. You should've waited; maybe I wanted to join you."

Calleigh giggled. "Well, you looked so cute all sprawled out on the bed like that. I didn't want to wake you," she said playfully.

Tim stared back at her. "Baby, would you really describe me using the word 'cute'?"

"Why, does it bother you?" she teased with a wink.

"Well, it's not exactly manly."

"Aww," Calleigh turned around in his arms, looking up at him. "Well I think you're both cute and manly." She stepped on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his lips. She pulled back slightly, giggling as she ran a hand through his hair. "Although you're more cute right now; what with your hair sticking out all over the place," she teased.

Tim scowled. "You're lucky I love you," he muttered, backing her up against the counter. Greedily he kissed her before she had a chance to retort. He pulled back, grinning wickedly. "I have to take a shower. Care to join me?" he asked, tugging on the belt of Calleigh's robe.

Calleigh laughed. "I just took one, Tim."

His grin widened. "Who said you'd actually be taking another?" he asked suggestively, resting his hands on her hips.

Calleigh swatted his arm. "You're awful!" she said with a laugh.

He raised an eyebrow. "Fine. Just you wait," he said, reaching over and turning on the shower. "I'll remember this when you're all hormonal and, uh, needy." He snickered and climbed into the shower.

Calleigh snorted. "Yeah right. You know you can't deny me," she said smugly.

Tim grinned evilly, though knowing Calleigh couldn't see him. "Nor you me!" he called out. Catching her completely by surprise, he reached out of the shower, gripping Calleigh by the arms and pulling her into the shower with him, sliding her robe off in the process.

"Oh my God, Tim!" Calleigh squealed, "I can't believe you!" Her eyes widened as he pushed her under the running water. "Why's it so cold?"

Tim laughed. "Couldn't be because somebody already hogged all the hot water this morning, could it?"

Calleigh did her best to look sheepish while shivering with cold. "Sorry," she apologized, a tiny smile on her face. Half-heartedly she fought against his grasp, only half-trying to get out of the shower. "Let me go!"

"Nuh-uh."

Calleigh gave him a playful glare. "Bastard."

"Hot water hog."

"Arrogant pig."

"Wicked witch of South Florida." Calleigh opened her mouth to retort, but Tim placed a hand over her mouth, reducing her to muffles. "You might as well give up," he said with a wink. "I could play this game all day, and I promise you I'd win it. Like always."

Calleigh again glared. "Pretentious son of a bitch," she managed to mutter through his hand.

Tim smirked. "Pulling out the big words now, I see."

She continued to struggle against him, but still he didn't let her move away; instead, he guided her completely under the spray of cold water. "Tim!" Calleigh whined. "Let me go! I'm freezing!"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "That's what you get."

Calleigh pouted. "Are you sure there's no hot water left?"

"Give it time; it'll warm back up eventually." He winked, moving them and pinning Calleigh against the wall. Calleigh whimpered, feeling the cold tile against her back. He smirked. "In the meantime, I can warm you up…"

----------

"You've got to stop that, Tim," Calleigh hissed. The two of them hurried across the parking lot, already twenty-five minutes late for work. Calleigh hastily struggled to smooth out her still damp hair as she walked, narrowing her eyes at how easily Tim had put himself back together after their shower. Of course, unlike her, he hadn't been halfway ready for work when he'd gotten in the shower.

"Stop what?"

Calleigh hit him in the arm, none too gently. "This is the fourth time this month you've made us late!"

Tim frowned. "Damn. And I was hoping we were at least closer to ten." He smirked. "We'll have to fix that before the end of the month." He didn't react when Calleigh hit him again, harder than the first time.

"You could get us fired!"

Tim snorted. "Please. I wouldn't want Horatio to have to try and replace me. Can you imagine how hard it would be to find somebody that could even come close to comparing with me?" he said smugly.

Calleigh threw her hands up, though grinned nonetheless. "See? Arrogant!"

"Don't you remember where all the name-calling got us this morning?" Tim reminded her with a wink. "And if I recall correctly, it was you that started it. So really, it's your fault we're late."

Calleigh gaped at him. "You're the one that dragged me into the shower!"

"And you could have told me to stop at any time."

"I did!" Calleigh exclaimed, incredulous.

"Not sincerely, you didn't."

Calleigh opened her mouth, but closed it again. He was right. Instead, she opted to hit him again, growling when he ducked out of her range.

"See, this is why I never come see you up in ballistics! As evil as you are the rest of the time, I'd rather not be anywhere near you when you've got your whole arsenal at arm's length."

Calleigh's eyes widened, the word 'ballistics' setting off an alarm within her. "Oh my God, I promised I'd get that report I was working on to Horatio first thing this morning! Thanks a lot for making me late, Tim."

He laughed. "Baby, time was the _last_ concern on your mind this morning." They reached the doors, and Tim turned around at the last moment, pressing a soft kiss to Calleigh's lips. Calleigh sighed happily.

"I hate you," she teased. "You always know how to stop me from being mad at you."

"You weren't mad to begin with," Tim said with a knowing grin, opening the door. He held it for her, letting her inside first. "Love you," he murmured softly at her ear as she passed him, reveling in the wide smile that broke out on her face.

"Love you too," she whispered back, looking forward to the end of the day. When they wouldn't have to whisper any more. "I'm gonna head on up to ballistics before Horatio comes looking for me."

Tim nodded. "Okay, well, I've got to put something back in my kit anyway, so I'll see you later." He watched her walk away before he too turned to leave, not actually needing to put something back in his kit, but to put Calleigh's crimelight back in hers. He didn't feel at all guilty about borrowing it without her permission. After all, Calleigh felt she could steal his shirts all the time, so why shouldn't he be able to borrow her crimelight every now and then? At least he was going to put it back. Tim couldn't count how many shirts he'd lost to Calleigh, probably never to get them back.

He opened her kit, turning on her crimelight before placing it inside. Or, rather, he tried to turn it on.

"Great," he muttered, seeing the light flicker weakly a few times. It was dying quickly, and odds were that it wouldn't have time to charge before Calleigh needed it. He placed it in her kit with a smirk, thinking that maybe she wouldn't know he'd taken it. Yeah right.

Sure enough, just hours later, she was standing in front of him and Eric, looking more than a little angry about it. But Tim knew she really wasn't angry, since all she wanted in return was to use his crimelight. Besides, Calleigh couldn't stay mad at him if she tried.

Appeased, Calleigh turned and walked back out; Tim assumed to go get his kit. He turned back to the task at hand, glancing at Eric when he heard his chuckle. "What, Delko?"

He shook his head in amusement. "What is with you two?"

"Excuse me?"

"I swear it's like you two are married or something," Eric commented, flipping the page in the book he was looking through. "You're always doing something to make her mad."

Tim smirked. "I just find antagonizing her to be oddly fun."

Eric gaped at him. "Only you would find something that dangerous to be fun. Do you have a death wish or something?"

"Maybe. Or maybe I'm just the kind of guy that laughs in the face of danger." He paused for a moment, hearing Eric snort. "The chicks dig that, you know."

Eric laughed again, shaking his head. "Maybe so, but still. I'd like to see you dare to laugh at Calleigh Duquesne when she's pissed."

"She wasn't that mad," Tim replied, seeing Eric's skeptical look. "She wasn't. Trust me, I've seen her when she's thoroughly pissed, and what we just saw was nowhere close."

"Oh really?" Eric snorted. "What did you do to her then?"

"Who says I did -" Tim stopped, glaring at Eric. "You know what? Have you found that fish yet?"

Eric looked back at the book. "Nah, still looking."

"Well, maybe you should do a little more of that instead of yapping."

"Yes sir," Eric mock-saluted, concentrating once more on the pictures in the book. He turned the page once more. "Hey Speed, I got it," he said, pointing out one of the fish.

----------

Calleigh stood on the front step of the crime lab, waiting. She'd been waiting for him for close to thirty minutes, though she didn't really think anything of it. Tim tended to get caught up in his work, and sometimes that caused him to forget about earlier appointments. It was what made him a good CSI though; his attentiveness to his work.

Still, Calleigh was hungry. And even though it was a bit early, she was fully prepared to use the 'I'm eating for two' excuse if it got him to show up sooner. With a sigh, she looked at her watch once more before pulling her cell phone out of her purse, dialing his number. After it rang a few times, he finally answered, and Calleigh smiled. "Hey. Where are you?"

He was a little surprised that she'd called him, until he looked down at his watch. "God, I'm sorry," he said, rubbing his temple with his free hand. "I promise I didn't forget about lunch; I just didn't realize how late it was."

"It's okay, Tim, don't worry about it," Calleigh replied. Tim could hear her smile through the phone and sighed in relief, knowing she wasn't mad. "I'll just grab something out of the breakroom and we can get dinner tonight, if that's alright."

Tim smiled. "Dinner sounds great."

"Good." Still smiling, Calleigh took a seat on the steps. "You didn't answer my question though."

"Which was…?" Tim blinked, trying to remember. Calleigh giggled lightly in response.

"I asked where you were, Tim."

"Oh, yeah. I'm in the Hummer with Horatio."

"Oh." Calleigh dropped her voice. "Should I start whispering so he doesn't figure out our secret?" she asked teasingly.

Tim laughed. "No, you don't have to do that. Besides, everybody's gonna know after tonight anyway."

Calleigh felt her smile widen. "That's right, I forgot about that. Do you wanna tell them before we go to dinner?"

"Sounds good to me." Horatio turned the Hummer onto the road they were looking for. "Listen, we're almost there, so I'll have to talk to you later."

Calleigh laughed again; sometimes Tim could be so easily distracted. "You still never told me where 'there' is!"

He smirked. "McCauley Jewelers. I'm hoping we'll find out something useful here."

"Okay." She sighed, not wanting to hang up, but knowing she had to. "Well, I'm gonna let you go play CSI," she said with a chuckle. "I'll see you later. I love you."

Tim smiled. "Yeah, you too." He closed his phone, glancing at Horatio as he put it away.

Horatio smiled slightly. "Girlfriend?"

"Uh, yeah," Tim replied.

"Hmm." Horatio glanced over at him as they pulled up to McCauley Jewelers. "She sounds nice."

"She is," Tim said succinctly, a secretive smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

----------

Calleigh closed her phone with a sigh, not making any move to stand from the step. She bit her lip, thinking.

Something just wasn't right. But Calleigh couldn't put her finger on it.

Eventually Calleigh forced it from her mind, and, standing from the step, she made her way back inside. She still had work to get done before dinner rolled around.

It was only moments later that her world was brought to a crashing halt. Her mind could only process four words from the dispatch before she forced herself to dizzily run to the bathroom.

_Officer down._ _McCauley Jewelers. _

She sat on the cool tile floor of the bathroom, her head back against the wall, her eyes closed. She just knew it was him. Despite all the rationalities thrown at her from her mind (Maybe it was a patrol officer. Maybe it was someone undercover. Maybe it was one of the detectives on scene, or someone else in CSI. Maybe it wasn't him at all.), she knew without a doubt that it was him.

There'd be no getting dinner that night, nor any other night, ever again.


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

Calleigh pulled her eyes away from the microscope with a small groan. Squinting, she looked up at the clock on the wall, unable to make out anything other than a fuzzy white circle. She rubbed her eyes and looked again, seeing nothing different.

She knew she was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Although Calleigh knew it wasn't good for her or the baby, she'd come close to giving up sleep completely. With sleep, there came dreams, and in dreams she always saw him. Always. Calleigh had felt him so strongly in the dreams she'd had since he died, that upon waking up, she was honestly confused as to why she woke alone.

That in itself was another reason she dreaded sleeping. The thought of waking up in her - no, their - bed alone was just too much for her.

And if that weren't enough, the hormones were finally starting to settle in. Calleigh found herself crying at the littlest things, and she hated every minute of it. It made her vulnerable; made her weak. If it ever came down to it, Calleigh knew she'd rather give up working in ballistics than let her vulnerability show through.

Calleigh didn't cry. It just wasn't something she did, especially not in front of anyone. She'd even refused to let herself cry at the funeral, although seeing the flag from his casket presented to his mother instead of her brought her close. Stoically she'd bit her lip, forcing back the tears as she clutched none too gently at Eric's arm for support. And then the twenty-one gun salute had nearly broken her completely.

She flinched at the first shot. It was the first time she'd flinched upon hearing the sound of a gun. The second shot had caused her to sway on her feet, fighting with all her energy to stay upright, to not cry. But as the third group of seven guns was shot, Calleigh couldn't stand on her own anymore. Tired of fighting, she let the first tears flow from her eyes, down her cheeks, hiding them by turning directly into Eric's arms, burying her face against his chest, vaguely feeling his own tears fall upon her hair. He held onto her as tightly as she him, both of them needing the support. Both of them needing to hold on to something real.

After the funeral, she'd gone straight home, by herself. She'd locked herself in the bathroom for two and a half hours, letting her tears flow freely in seclusion. Once her eyes had dried and she was numb, Calleigh let herself out of the bathroom, determined not to cry anymore.

But then she'd stepped into the bedroom. Aching, she'd picked up one of his shirts with shaky hands, a sob escaping her as she held it against her, breathing in the scent that was still so completely Tim. Clutching the shirt as tightly as she possibly could, Calleigh dropped onto the bed, crying into the silky material. Exhausted, she cried herself into a restless sleep, only to wake the next morning and realize that never again would she wake up beside him. Never again would his simple kiss make everything better. Never again would she tease him about the way his hair stuck up in the mornings. Never again would she lie awake late into the night, content from just the feeling of being in his arms.

Never again. This was real. He wasn't coming back.

Calleigh blinked in surprise, suddenly jolted back to the present by the sound of the door. She faked a smile as Eric entered the room, approaching her tentatively. "Hey," she said quietly.

Eric nodded in acknowledgement. "Hey…do you still have the file from the Carter case?" he asked, getting straight to the point. That was how it'd been lately; no words were said except for those necessary few. No one seemed to have the heart to take conversation past the boundaries of work.

Dealing with work, they knew how to do. It was dealing with the loss of someone so dear to them all that left them clueless; broken.

Calleigh stared blankly back at him, apparently having no idea what he was talking about. "The beach shooting from yesterday," he clarified, an eyebrow raised.

"Oh, that one," Calleigh said, moving to sort through a large stack of files. "Yeah, sorry; I meant to get it to you earlier, but things have just been, I guess rough." She forced another smile as she handed Eric the file. "There you go."

Eric took the file from her, taking the time to glance over her. He had no other way to describe it: she looked terrible. Her eyes were red, there were dark circles beneath them; she looked as though she hadn't slept in a month. Afraid he'd let his gaze linger a bit too long, Eric nonchalantly opened the file, looking over it. "So how're you holding up?" he asked conversationally, daring to step past that unspoken boundary.

"I'm fine." Even to her own ears, the words sounded rehearsed; robotic.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," she replied, stifling a yawn. She looked away, hoping he wouldn't push the issue. It seemed as though he wasn't going to, so Calleigh turned back to her microscope, determined once again to study the striations on the bullet. But the images brought to her eyes were still blurry from a lack of sleep and made her eyes hurt. She sat back, rubbing her eyes again, noticing as Eric glanced at her, then back to the file, repeating it again. "What?"

Eric let out a breath, propping himself on the corner of her desk as he studied her. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Eric-"

"It's just, you dated these as the sixteenth."

Calleigh shook her head in confusion. "Eric, what are you talking about?"

He set the file down on the desk, pointing the error out to her. "If it were just one, I wouldn't think anything about it. But you dated all four of these as the sixteenth." He paused, watching her blank expression. "Calleigh, today's the twenty-fourth," he said softly.

"Oh God, is it really?" she groaned, resting her head in her hands. "I'm sorry. I'm just a bit distracted lately, I guess. I'll fix them and get them back to you."

Eric made a grab for the files before Calleigh could take them. "No, it's okay, Calleigh. It's fine." He watched her try to stifle another yawn. "You need to go home and get some rest."

"Eric, I'm fine. I promise," Calleigh said, hoping Eric wouldn't see right through her.

"Calleigh, if you walked up to a complete stranger right now, even he would tell you that you're not okay," Eric said quietly.

Calleigh avoided his eyes. She was suddenly feeling such an overwhelming want to tell Eric everything; about her and Tim, about the baby, about everything. But stubbornly she bit her lip, effectively clamping her mouth shut. She knew she could trust Eric, now perhaps more than anybody. It was just that Calleigh didn't trust herself not to fully lose it in front of him, especially with her being so physically and emotionally exhausted. It was better to keep it quiet, at least for now. So she forced a smile, hoping it didn't look as painful as it felt. "Just set it down on top of this pile and I'll fix those in a little bit."

Watching her posture grow ever more defensive, Eric knew there was nothing else he was going to get out of Calleigh. He nodded dejectedly and set the files down, turning to leave. Halfway to the door, he turned back, glancing at Calleigh. "Can I at least bring you a coffee?" he asked.

Hastily Calleigh shook her head. "Oh no, I can't have that." Eric raised an eyebrow, and Calleigh silently cursed herself. "I mean, if I drink any now, the caffeine in it will keep me up half the night," she added quickly, hoping it didn't sound too contrived.

Luckily, Eric seemed to accept that. "Okay. Well, I'm gonna get back to work. I'll see you later." He gave her one more worried glance before he left, finally allowing Calleigh to breathe a sigh of relief.

Yet again she rubbed her eyes, wishing they'd stop burning from the lack of sleep. Turning back to her microscope, Calleigh begged her eyes to focus, needing to match the striations on this bullet to the one from the case. For several minutes she squinted at the bullet, pulling back and shaking her head when, to her tired eyes, the striations appeared to move. She'd been without sleep for too long; her mind was starting to play tricks on her. She groaned and closed her eyes, resting her head on the desk for just a second…

----------

_"What are you looking at?" Tim asked, slipping in behind her, sliding his arms around her waist as he glanced down at the jewelry case that seemed to have Calleigh captivated. _

_Calleigh leaned into him, feeling a little silly over what he'd caught her looking at. "Oh, I was just looking at some of the engagement rings; doing a little daydreaming; stuff like that."_

_"Hmm, why?_ _You thinking about proposing to me sometime soon?" he joked._

_Calleigh laughed. "Oh yeah, Tim, definitely. See, I was thinking about that ring over there," she said, pointing at the largest, showiest ring in the box. "I'd want you to wear it everywhere, of course," she teased._

_"Oh, you know me. I'd certainly never take it off," he said sarcastically, prompting another laugh from Calleigh._

_"So did you find that necklace you were looking for?" Calleigh asked after a moment. It was what had brought them to the jewelry store to begin with. Tim's niece had just gotten into med school, and he wanted to get her something to congratulate her. _

_"Yeah, I found it," he replied, gently shaking the small bag in his free hand. "Thanks for helping me pick it out," he said, pressing a kiss to her temple as he watched her still looking down at the rings. "So, do you make it a habit to just stand around looking at engagement rings?"_

_Calleigh giggled. "Oh you know; it's just what remains of a little girl's fantasy." She smiled, seeing the blank expression on his face. "Oh Tim, don't tell me you never played wedding when you were a kid," she teased._

_"You know, I really can't say I did."_

_"You missed out," Calleigh remarked with a laugh. "It was the one girly thing I loved to play when I was a kid. I always had fun playing the bride. Pretty dress, pretty shoes, pretty ring - even though I was eight and none of it was real. I still had fun."_

_Tim smirked. "So, uh, were there any pictures from these weddings?"_

_"Even if there were, you wouldn't be seeing them." She laughed, watching Tim pout. "Some things just don't need to be relived over and over again."_

_"Why not?"_ _He grinned. "I bet you were the cutest thing ever."_

_"I thought cuteness offended you," Calleigh remarked, raising an eyebrow. _

_"There's an exception to every rule, babe," he smirked. _

_"Well, even so," Calleigh began with a chuckle, "there still aren't any pictures."_

_"Liar._ _I'll just have to find them myself."_

_She laughed, swatting his hand gently. "I told you! There are none!"_

_"Right._ _That's what you want me to think." He grinned evilly. "When I find them, I'm blowing them up and plastering them all over our living room."_

_"Yeah, and then it would no longer be _our _living room," Calleigh threatened playfully._

_Tim snorted. "Like you'd ever actually get rid of me," he said smugly, tightening his arms around her. _

_Calleigh smiled, leaning back against his chest. "You're right," she said airily. "I mean, there are a few things you're useful for," she teased._

_He lowered his head so his mouth was right by her ear. "Wait 'til I get you home," he whispered huskily, feeling the shiver that raced through her body. "Then I'll show you what I'm useful for."_

_"Mm, I'll make sure to hold you to that promise."_

_Tim opened his mouth to reply, but the words left him. The atmosphere changed so quickly; so drastically. Calleigh didn't see much more than two men entering the store, each of them armed, before Tim was pushing her behind the counter, sheltering her. "Get down!" he shouted at Calleigh, pushing her toward the floor." He nodded toward her purse. "Call 911," he muttered, pulling out his own gun._

_Calleigh's eyes widened. "Tim, don't!"_

_"It's just in case, Cal," he said, though his words failed to reassure her. "Just stay down."_

_"Tim!" She reached for him, but he resisted, standing up. _

_"Stay down!" he hissed again._

_Calleigh started to stand, but a glare from him kept her on the ground. "You're being crazy, Tim," she hissed, though knowing he was ignoring her. Within seconds, he was out of her line of sight. Her heart began pounding. The store was quiet. Too quiet._

_And then Calleigh closed her eyes, holding her ears as the store erupted, the noise from the gunshots deafening. Her breath caught in her throat, and no longer could she stay hidden behind the counter. She rose to her feet, and her world came to a stop.  
_

_Before her eyes stood Tim and one of the men, each of their guns trained on the other. Calleigh could see them both yelling at each other; she knew she was yelling at Tim, but she couldn't hear anything. Powerless, she watched, frightened as Tim slowly pulled the trigger on his gun.  
_

_But nothing happened._

_The other man laughed evilly before he fired his gun, hitting Tim twice in the chest. He tumbled backward, struggling for breath, feeling his blood already beginning to soak his shirt. Vaguely he felt himself hit the floor; vaguely he saw the men make their exits, apparently having accomplished their mission._

_"Tim!" Calleigh shouted, scrambling over to him. "Tim, come on, look at me." She placed her hands against his chest, putting pressure on the wound. "Oh God, Tim," she whispered, feeling her eyes begin to water. "Don't do this to me, Tim. Stay with me, baby."_

_He was lost in a fog; everything he saw, felt, or heard seemed like it was miles away. He looked up at Calleigh, seeing her face start to blur, feeling her touch start to fade. "Calleigh…" he whispered, the simple action exhausting him. "Love you…Calleigh…Calleigh…"_

_---------- _

"Calleigh."

Calleigh jolted awake, sitting up straight in her chair. "Oh God," she muttered, clasping a hand over her mouth. Her breathing was erratic, and her heart was pounding. All from just a dream.

No. Not just a dream. A nightmare. She couldn't say it was recurring, because even though the outcome was the same, it was always in a different place, at a different time. But time after time, Tim always died. She couldn't save him.

She gave an involuntary shudder, wincing slightly. Lately, it hadn't been just dreams that plagued her. The events of that fateful day had begun to consume her memories, attaching to them. Some of her favorite memories had visited her in dreams, only to end the same as every one of her nightmares. In sleep, she had no control over her mind, and she couldn't stop her most cherished memories from somehow ending with Tim bleeding to death on the ground in front of her.

It was why she'd all but given up sleep.

"Calleigh."

Her head snapped toward the voice, her eyes widening as they took in the sight of Horatio standing next to her, his blue eyes unreadable to her. "Oh God," she repeated, ducking her head embarrassedly. "I'm sorry, Horatio; I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry about it." He smiled warmly at her, gently squeezing her shoulder before he kneeled down, looking up at her. He sighed. "Calleigh, is there something going on?"

Calleigh shook her head. "I'm fine," she mumbled. It was amazing just how readily the words fell from her lips these days without her even thinking.

"You're lying." It wasn't exactly an accusation; more like just a statement. Calleigh found her eyes drawn again to his, looking down at him as he looked over her, obviously concerned. "When was the last time you slept, Calleigh?" he asked gently, taking a good look at her eyes. "Other than just now, I mean," he added, noticing the corners of Calleigh's mouth quirk just slightly.

She was silent for a moment, biting her lip. She crossed her arms. "Define sleep," she muttered bitterly.

Horatio stared at her. "Okay. Here's what I want you to do," he began gently. Her eyes dropped, knowing what was coming. "I want you to just stand up and walk out of here. Don't worry about any of this," he said, motioning to everything on her desk. "I want you to go home and I want you to take a few days and get some real rest."

"Horatio, I-"

"Calleigh, that wasn't a suggestion," he said sternly. He softened a bit, sensing her slightly deflate. "I'm going to be blunt here, okay? You look horrible. You look like you haven't slept in years. And you're shaking," he said, his eyes going to her hands, which Calleigh promptly clenched in an effort to keep them still. "I'm worried about you. So is Eric."

At Eric's name, Calleigh's eyes widened. "Eric! I was supposed to fix that file for him," she said, immediately beginning to look through all the paperwork on her desk.

"Calleigh. Look at me." Calleigh obliged, stopping her search. "I can do that. As of now, you're off-duty. Go home and get some sleep. And I don't want to see you here again before Monday morning, alright?"

Calleigh nodded reluctantly. "Fine," she sighed, not meeting his eyes.

Horatio stood. "Good." He placed his hand on her shoulder again. "Hang in there," he said before he turned from her, walking out of the room.

Calleigh stared at the place where he'd just been. _Hang in there._ He'd told her that two weeks ago, just before the funeral.

The funeral. Suddenly, it was like she was back there again. She knew Horatio hadn't been aware of it, but she cursed him anyway for the wave of emotion he'd caused just with those three words. It was still too much. She knew she couldn't possibly go home, not right now.

So she stood, leaving ballistics and making her way to the one place she'd been to more in the past two weeks than ever before. Oddly enough, it was the one place she could seek out some form of comfort. It wasn't the place itself that gave her comfort, but the person who she'd always find there, without a doubt. It was the one person other than Tim who knew almost everything about her.

Calleigh stepped through the doorway to the morgue, watching as Alexx dropped everything and rushed over to her. "Calleigh, honey, are you alright?"

"I've been better," Calleigh murmured, tensing as she felt Alexx's arms come around her, pulling her into a hug. "Are you busy?"

Alexx released her, concern flooding her eyes as she took in Calleigh's appearance. "Nothing that can't wait. Did you want to go grab a coffee or something?"

Calleigh shook her head. "I don't want to go anywhere." She shrugged, and Alexx's heart broke, seeing the helpless look on Calleigh's face. "I just wanted someone to talk to."

Alexx smiled warmly, leading Calleigh to sit down. "Now what's going on, sugar?"

Calleigh sighed. She sniffled, feeling tears start to cloud her eyes. She didn't bother to hide it though; around Alexx, there was never anything that could be hidden. It also helped that Alexx was one of the few people Calleigh didn't feel she had to consistently be strong around. "I don't know if I can do this, Alexx."

Alexx moved her own chair closer to Calleigh. "Do what, honey?" she asked softly.

Halfheartedly, Calleigh threw her hands up. "Everything. Just, everything." She stared down at the floor. "I can't even sleep in my own bed," she said meekly.

"Oh, Calleigh," Alexx said, laying a hand on her shoulder. "It'll get easier, honey. It's only been two weeks."

"I know that, but it's been the worst two weeks of my life. I can't sleep, and if I do, I dream of him. I can't eat, because it reminds me that we were supposed to get lunch that day. This is killing me, Alexx," Calleigh said shakily, a tear escaping her eye. "I just miss him so, so much. And this…"

Alexx raised an eyebrow. "This?"

Calleigh took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant, Alexx," she whispered.

Alexx was torn. For a moment she didn't say anything, as her maternal side wanted to congratulate Calleigh, but the rest of her could see how much this was hurting her.

Fortunately, Calleigh spoke again, not making Alexx decide what to say. "I don't know what to do. We weren't even planning on this, and I'm just, I don't know. Lost."

"Did he know about it?" Alexx asked.

Calleigh nodded. "Yeah." Through her tears she managed a smile. "He couldn't wait. He was so excited, Alexx."

Alexx chuckled. "I imagine he was."

Calleigh managed a small laugh herself. "Yeah. He was already talking about teaching her to ride a bike and threatening her boyfriends."

Alexx grinned. "That's our Timmy, alright," she said. "So you're having a girl?"

Calleigh shrugged, placing a hand over her stomach. "I don't know. Tim always said it'd be a girl."

"How far along are you?"

"About eleven weeks." She looked up at Alexx, serious again. "Alexx, I don't know if I can do this by myself."

"Oh honey, you know you don't have to. You know anytime you need anything at all, all you have to do is pick up the phone and I'm there." She smiled. "And I'd be willing to bet Eric would be the same way."

Calleigh gave a faint smile. "I know. I appreciate that more than I can say." She looked away. "It's just, you and Eric…"

Alexx picked up on the problem immediately. "We're not Timmy."

Calleigh nodded. She wiped her eyes as she stood. "I should probably go, before Horatio finds out I'm still here."

Alexx grinned knowingly, standing with her. "He sent you home, huh?" Calleigh nodded. "Well, judging by the way you look right now, I'd have done the same. Do you want me to give you a ride?"

Calleigh shook her head. "No, I'm fine. Just, thanks so much for everything, Alexx."

"You're very welcome, Calleigh." She embraced Calleigh once more before gently turning her to the door. "Now go home, and try to sleep. Trust me, it'll do you and the little one good."

"I'll try." She paused for a moment. "Alexx? I haven't told anyone else about this," she said, placing her hand again on her stomach.

"Honey, you know I wouldn't say a word to anybody."

Calleigh gave a tiny smile. "Yeah, I know. Thanks."


	4. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

_"Calleigh, babe, I love you, but…"_

_Calleigh shifted in his arms to look at him. "But what?"_

_"But damn, I hate this movie."_

_Calleigh pouted. "But I love this movie," she whined._

_"I know that. And I can't for the life of me understand why," he said, clearly puzzled._

_Calleigh smiled sweetly. "I just like it."_

_Tim shook his head. "Calleigh, it doesn't make sense. You play with guns all day long. You love to watch football. Hell, you could probably take down anybody on the planet if you wanted to. And yet, you like this movie."_

_Calleigh laughed. "Tim, what did any of that have to do with me liking this movie?"_

_"It's a chick flick," he said flatly._

_Calleigh stared at him for a moment, then broke down in giggles. "Oh, I see what the problem is! You don't care whether I like it or not; you just don't want to sit here and watch it!"_

_"That is completely not it," he retorted. Skeptically, Calleigh raised an eyebrow, and Tim conceded. "Okay, maybe that is half of it. But it still doesn't explain why you like it."_

_"I'm allowed to have a girly side," Calleigh said indignantly. She grinned. "Besides, I'm not making you watch this. If you don't want to watch it, then you're free to go do whatever you want."_

_Tim sighed, making no move to get up. Sure, he hated this movie with a passion, but the passion he held for Calleigh overrode his hate for this movie. He was far too comfortable with her in his arms, and he just didn't want to move. "Well, I can't very well do what I want with you still in here watching the movie," he quipped, smirking as a blush rose in Calleigh's cheeks. "So I guess I'll stay."_

_Calleigh smiled broadly. Contentedly she settled back into his arms, sighing happily. "Ooh, this is the good part! I love this scene; it's so sweet," she gushed. _

_Tim wasn't amused. "Calleigh, how is that sweet? She spends practically forever crying at her dead husband's grave."_

_Calleigh shrugged. "Okay, so it's bittersweet. It's still a nice scene."_

_Tim watched the scene unfold on the screen before them, scowling a bit as the woman onscreen cried, placing several flowers at the grave. "I hope nobody ever does that for me," he said._

_"What?" Calleigh asked, confused._

_Tim shrugged. "I don't like the idea of people bringing flowers to my grave."_

_Calleigh twisted in his arms, staring into his eyes. "Why?"_

_He pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Well, death isn't exactly supposed to be something pretty, you know."_

----------

She knew he was probably frowning down on her right now, but Calleigh didn't care. With a sigh, she lowered herself to the grass next to his grave, clutching a single tulip in her hands. It was the first time since he'd died that Calleigh had been able to make it all the way to his grave without crying.

Now, she sat there, clutching the tulip, a small, sad smile on her face as she recalled certain memories. Reaching out with her free hand, she drew her fingers over his name on the stone, flinching just lightly at its coolness.

"Hey, Tim," she said quietly, not feeling at all foolish for talking to him. Seeing people at other graves, talking to their dead loved ones; Calleigh once upon a time had found it silly, pointless; knowing the dead couldn't hear them. But now everything was different. Calleigh had no doubt that Tim could hear her. She chuckled softly, one certain memory coming to her mind.

"Remember that movie I used to make you watch? The one you hated because it was a chick flick?" She smiled, remembering. "It was on TV last night. I was just sitting on the couch, looking for something to watch while I tried to fall asleep. And I found that movie." She took a deep breath, absently playing with the petals on the tulip. "And it hurt so much to watch it, because you would always watch it with me, no matter how many times I made you or how much you hated it." She sniffled. "But even though it hurt so much to watch it, I couldn't stop watching it. And it was like you were actually there with me. I could hear you complaining about every scene just like you always did," she said with a cross between a laugh and a sob.

She continued playing with the petals on the tulip. "I know you said death wasn't supposed to be pretty, and for that reason you didn't want anyone leaving flowers at your grave. But it's like that time, God, I don't even remember what the occasion was. I told you I didn't want flowers, and yet, you showed up at my door that night with a single tulip." She smiled. "You said it wasn't flowers, but that it was a single flower. Big difference. I think that was the first night I realized I was really falling in love with you."

Calleigh shivered, feeling the light breeze blow through her hair, tickling her neck. "So, just like that night," she began, laying the tulip down in front of the stone, "it's a single flower. Not flowers. I can practically see you smirking and rolling your eyes; hear you calling me a smartass." She laughed softly, then sighed. "God, I miss you, Tim. I miss you so, so much. I just-" Calleigh stopped, feeling her cell phone vibrating at her hip. She sighed again, taking it off her belt and looking at the display with a smile. "Look at that, Tim. It's Eric, just like always interrupting our moments." She opened her phone, pressing it to her ear. "Hey, Eric."

"…You okay, Calleigh?" Eric asked once she answered, concern evident in his voice. He'd easily picked up on the badly concealed tremble in her voice.

Calleigh rubbed her eyes with her free hand, frustrated. If Eric didn't stop asking her that, she knew it wouldn't be long before she snapped at him, especially with her hormones the way they were. It was the same question he'd taken to asking her every time he saw her, and it was really starting to get old. Calleigh could only imagine what it'd be like if Eric did know just how close she and Tim had really been. "Yeah, why?"

Eric hesitated. "You just sound…never mind." He dropped it, knowing if Calleigh said it was nothing, then that was all he'd get from her. "Never mind," he repeated. "Anyway, I hate to call you back during your break, but we've got a scene." He gave her the details.

"Okay, I'll meet you there in a little bit, Eric," Calleigh replied, having written down the information.

"It's a bit, uh, gruesome," Eric warned.

Calleigh smirked. "So? We're CSIs, Eric. Everything we deal with is at least a little gruesome. Just as long as it's not ants, then I'm there."

He gave a light chuckle, remembering Calleigh's ant phobia. "You're fine; no ants. Though, you might start wishing it were just ants once you get here," he added darkly.

"I've yet to see anything that would make me prefer ants," Calleigh replied. "I'll see you there in a bit." Closing her phone, again she sighed, not wanting to leave. "I have to go," she said softly, running her fingers once more over the coolness of the stone. "I've got a scene to get to. Silly Eric says it's gruesome; like I won't be able to handle it or something." She smiled. "Tactfully, I didn't remind him about the one time I had to cover for him because he couldn't handle it."

After a moment she stood, dusting herself off. She stumbled slightly, almost losing her balance as a sudden feeling of lightheadedness came over her. But just as quickly as it came, it had gone again, and Calleigh simply shrugged it off with a sad smile. "See that, Tim; you still make me weak on my feet," she joked softly, bringing a hand up to dry her eyes. "I love you," she whispered, letting out a breath as she turned and began to make her way back to the Hummer.

Within moments, Calleigh had made it to the scene, thanks to very little traffic. Stepping out of the Hummer with her kit, she caught Eric's eye, giving him a tiny nod. "Hey," she said, stifling a yawn.

He smiled apologetically. "Hey. I'm sorry I had to pull you away from your break," he said again, walking with her toward the house.

"Don't worry about it; it's fine," she said dismissively, waving a hand. "I was just about ready to head back anyway." She smiled as Eric held the door for her, letting her in the house. Just as soon as she was inside, Calleigh froze, a hand coming up to cover her mouth and nose. "Oh God," she groaned, gripping onto the counter with her free hand. "Not now," she muttered quietly, feeling the slight twinge in her stomach that always accompanied her nausea. The smell inside the house was overwhelming. She attributed it to her recent susceptibility to nausea, since this was the first time the smell of blood had really affected her.

"Cal?" Concerned, he laid a hand on her arm.

"I'm okay." She tried to steady herself; to keep her rapidly rising nausea at bay. Avoiding Eric's eyes, she gave a nervous chuckle. "The smell just got to me a little," she mumbled.

Eric moved his hand to her shoulder, squeezing gently in reassurance. "Why do you think I waited outside for you?" he asked, shuddering slightly himself.

Calleigh didn't reply; she was almost afraid to open her mouth. She closed her eyes, and tightened her grip on the counter as the room threatened to spin around her. Discreetly she got a hold of herself, before turning back to Eric, shrugging away from his touch. "So what's the story?" she asked, faking a smile.

Eric stared at her. He wanted to send her back to CSI; send her anywhere but here. But he knew Calleigh, and he knew there was no way she was going anywhere unless she was forced to leave. That was just Calleigh.

Listening as Eric gave her the details, Calleigh rested a hand over her stomach, willing her nausea to pass. Part of her wished she'd listened to Eric earlier and backed out of this one. After all, she'd covered for him once in a scene like this; she didn't think he'd have anything against doing the same for her.

But admitting weakness was still admitting weakness. It just wasn't something Calleigh did. Forcing herself to stand up straight, she watched him as he spoke, trying to listen to what he said, though the effort was nearly exhausting.

Next thing she knew, Eric was in front of her again, one hand holding her arm, the other latched protectively around her waist. Confused, she tried to pull out of his grasp, but he didn't let go. "Eric?'

"Sit down for a minute," he muttered, leading her to a chair. Calleigh tried to resist, but ultimately Eric was still stronger, and she gave in, taking a seat. Eric gazed down into her eyes. He was stunned; the usual sparkle in her eyes was gone; instead replaced with a frightening dullness that he'd never seen before, at least, not in anyone living. It scared him to see Calleigh looking so empty; so broken, despite the strong, cheerful façade she tried to keep up at all times.

It hit him; that was probably why she was so exhausted lately. She was trying so hard to be strong when, for whatever reason, all she wanted to do was fall apart. This wasn't the Calleigh he knew, and it really scared him.

It scared him even more that he had no idea what had made her like this. Calleigh was the kind of person who could walk through hell and back twice, all with a smile on her face. She could find the good in anything; oftentimes her optimism was the one thing that kept the team going when everything was against them. "Calleigh, what's going on with you?" he asked softly.

He'd expected it, but it didn't stop him from being angry when she looked away and shook her head. "Nothing. I'm fine. I'm just tired." She tried to stand, but Eric caught her shoulders and tried to force her back down. "Eric!"

"Sit down!" he snapped, feeling only a little guilty as Calleigh jumped, startled. Frustrated, he ran a hand through his hair. He'd never lost his temper with Calleigh before; he was stunned at the amount of anger that flowed through his veins. "Sit down," he repeated quietly; more calmly, "and look at me." Searchingly, he looked into her hollow eyes, finding nothing but the wall she kept around herself. "I don't know what the hell is going on, but you are not okay."

"Eric, I am-"

"Dammit, Calleigh!" He took a few deep breaths, trying to regain his control. "Calleigh, I'm just trying to help you," he said calmly, watching her closely. "Something is going on with you, and whatever it is, any idiot can tell that it's killing you. I care about you, Calleigh; I hate seeing you like this."

"Then stop reading so much into everything," Calleigh said, pushing Eric away as she stood. Promptly she put a good four feet of distance between them.

"Maybe if you'd stop lying to me, then I wouldn't have to!" He watched her posture become ever more defensive. "Calleigh, you haven't smiled in weeks. Just a minute ago you were swaying on your feet; you looked like you were going to pass out. Not to mention how pale you are."

"Yeah, that's called fair skin, Eric," Calleigh replied sarcastically. "I'm always pale."

"Calleigh, you look like a ghost. In fact, lately, that's how you've been acting."

Calleigh glared at him. "Why don't you stop paying so much attention to me and actually do your job?"

"Because some things are more important than the job, Calleigh!" he yelled, breathing hard.

A small knock on the doorframe got their attention. "Everything okay in here?"

"We're good," Eric replied shortly, watching the patrol officer looking back and forth between him and Calleigh. Eric glanced over at Calleigh, seeing her just as he thought he would - her arms crossed defiantly, her eyes trained determinedly on the floor.

The officer didn't seem to buy it. "Are you sure? Because I heard - "

"You heard wrong. We're good," Eric repeated, a little more forcefully than before. The officer stared at them for a moment longer before he turned and left again, though still not convinced. Eric rubbed his face, a frustrated groan escaping his lips. "Calleigh, I'm-"

"This is neither the time nor place," Calleigh replied quietly; flatly. "We have a job to do. Let's just get it done so we can get out of here." She grabbed her kit and began to move past him, but he gently caught her arm, stopping her.

"Calleigh, I didn't mean to - I just - I'm sorry."

Calleigh sighed, not looking up at him. "Me too." She pulled her arm away from his grasp, stepping through the doorway, away from Eric and toward the living room. Trying her best to ignore the growing smell, she took a deep breath, calming herself down. She honestly hadn't meant to get so angry with Eric; she truly appreciated that he seemed to care. It was just…too much.

She just wanted to be left alone. At least, for now. Calleigh just needed time to figure everything out, and that was something she needed to do on her own.

After a walk that seemed to take ages, Calleigh found herself in the living room, gasping quietly at the scene before her. Eric was right; it was a gruesome crime scene. She'd never seen so much blood in one scene before. Her stomach lurched as the smell hit her again, ten times worse than before. Gripping the doorframe for support, she pushed back a wave of nausea. "Come on, Cal," she muttered under her breath, her eyes closed. "You've dealt with this for years; there's no need to get sick now."

Eric immediately sensed her struggle, but he forced himself to stand back and give her some space. He moved past her into the living room, trying to concentrate on the scene before him. Still he couldn't keep Calleigh out of his peripheral vision; glancing at her every now and then. He'd just set his camera back down when a sudden movement caught his attention.

"Calleigh!" He moved quickly, catching her before she lost her balance completely. He knew something was wrong when she didn't try to get out of his grasp.

She chuckled embarrassedly, her eyes closed. "I skipped breakfast," she murmured. "I'm just a little dizzy, and the blood's not helping things."

Eric held on to her, now in full protective mode. He was scared to death; he had no idea what was happening with Calleigh. She was falling apart in front of him, and there was next to nothing he could do. "Maybe you should sit down," he suggested worriedly.

"Oh God," Calleigh muttered, seeing and feeling the room spin around her. "Eric…I think - I just need a minute and I'll be fine…"

Despite his near panic, Eric managed to stay calm. "Let's get you back outside, okay Cal?" he said gently, leading her back the way they came. Almost overwhelmed, Calleigh didn't put up a fight. "Here you go," he murmured, sitting her down on the front step outside. "Take a few deep breaths, okay?"

Calleigh nodded. Still dizzy, she lowered her head, groaning lightly. Vaguely she felt Eric sit down beside her, soothingly rubbing her back. "I think I'm okay," she muttered shakily, not moving. "I just skipped breakfast…and lunch, and it just made me a little dizzy…"

Eric sighed. "Why don't you take yourself off this case, if it's affecting you this badly?" he suggested softly, still rubbing her back. He was beyond concerned for her by this point.

"It's not the case, Eric," she muttered.

"Are you sure? You were jittery before, but then when you saw all the blood," he shuddered, hoping to never, ever see Calleigh like that again. "It was like you just lost it." He felt her tense under his touch as he was greeted with her silence. "You wanna tell me what's going on?"

"Not really."

Eric bit his lip. He'd expected that, but it still didn't make him feel any better. He couldn't deny that it would always hurt when she shut him out. "Okay." He scratched his head, knowing she wasn't going to go for this, but he had to suggest it anyway. "Why don't you let me take you by the ER?"

Sure enough, she glared at him. "Eric, I'm fine. I don't need to be checked out."

"Calleigh, you've not been yourself for weeks."

"So you keep saying."

Eric sighed. "I'm just saying; there's something physical going on with you, and I'd just feel so much better if I knew my best friend wasn't going to drop to the ground and die." He shuddered, the bluntness of his words getting to him. "It's already happened once; I don't want it to happen to you too," he added softly.

Calleigh flinched. "That's not going to happen, Eric," she muttered. "This is…normal."

Eric's eyes widened. "Calleigh. You look like you've had the flu for weeks. You're skipping meals. Things that you never would've given a second thought to before are making you sick. In what possible way is any of this normal?"

"I can't believe you noticed that much," she muttered, angry at herself for revealing so much of herself to him, albeit unintentionally.

"I've noticed more, Calleigh." He sighed, feeling defeated. "I'm worried. I just wish you'd talk to me, like you used to. I just wish I knew what was going on with you."

Lifting her head, Calleigh let out a deep breath, looking up at the sky. She bit her lip, turning her eyes to Eric, seeing the concern in his brown eyes. She didn't like people fussing over her, but she couldn't deny that it felt nice to know that he cared as much as he did. With a bit of guilt, she reflected on the past weeks, realizing just how mean she'd been to Eric. It was the only word she could think of to describe it. Lost in her grief for Tim and the stress of this pregnancy, Calleigh had shut Eric out completely. She'd ignored him, avoided him, and often taken her anger out on him. And even after all that, he was still right there beside her.

He didn't deserve to be left in the dark.

With a sigh, Calleigh tilted her head just slightly, forcing what she hoped was a lighthearted smile. "I'm pregnant."


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

_He wasn't surprised to find her in the locker room; after all, it was the end of shift. He was, however, surprised that she just seemed to be standing there, staring at her locker. Tim blinked; Calleigh didn't just stand around and stare off into space. He glanced over her for a moment, gleaning from her posture as well that something was up. It didn't seem like something was wrong, exactly; Tim just knew that something was up._

_"Calleigh?" he called out to her, but she didn't reply. Concerned, he walked over to her, the tap of his feet on the ground not even pulling her from her trance. "Cal?" he asked softly, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder._

_Calleigh jumped, spinning around to look at him, her eyes wide. "Tim," she said breathlessly, placing a hand over her heart. "You scared me."_

_He shrugged. "Sorry." He looked behind her, to the locker against which she was now leaning. "So what was so interesting about your locker?"_

_"What?" Calleigh asked, tilting her head in confusion._

_Tim stared at her, trying to read her eyes. Again, the conclusion he drew was not that something was wrong, just up. "It's just, you were standing there staring at it for the longest time."_

_"Oh." Calleigh giggled nervously. "How long have you been in here?"_

_"Few minutes." He raised an eyebrow when Calleigh didn't volunteer any more insight. "So?"_

_Calleigh shook her head. "So what?"_

_"Is everything okay?" He looked at her seriously, daring her to try and lie her way out of this._

_Unfortunately, she took that dare. "Oh yeah, everything's fine," she laughed again, that nervous laugh. "I'm just tired; ready to go home. Glad it's Friday; you know, all that."_

_By now Tim was really starting to wonder about her. "Baby, today's Tuesday."_

_"Are you sure?"_

_He might have laughed if warning bells weren't sounding inside his head. "Positive, Cal." He took her hands in his, gently rubbing the top of her hands with his thumbs. "You wanna tell me what's up?"_

_Calleigh smiled, though Tim could see it was fake immediately. She shrugged. "Nothing's up." She paused. "I mean, technically, the sky is up, but who says that anymore? It was somewhat funny many years ago, but now it's just old. If you're gonna be sarcastic, at least pick something original, like -"_

_Tim sighed and rolled his eyes. Once Calleigh started rambling, she wasn't likely to stop until she'd arrived at a topic completely different than the original subject, leaving the other person thoroughly confused. Some people rambled from nervousness. Calleigh's rambling was a strategy. If she didn't want to talk about something, she'd ramble about anything until she'd rambled her way out of it. If Tim wanted to get any answers from her, he'd have to put a stop to her rambling first._

_So he kissed her. Not deeply, but just a quick kiss on the lips, just enough to stun her into silence. It worked every time._

_And this time was no exception. Calleigh stared at him, wide-eyed, having apparently forgotten what she was talking about before. "Wha…?"_

_Tim quirked the corner of his lips. "You were rambling," he said in amusement, watching her. "Again."_

_Calleigh looked at the ground. "Sorry," she muttered._

_"You are not," Tim accused with a snicker, watching as her eyes shot back to his. "You do that on purpose and you know that. By now you should also know that it doesn't work with me."_

_"It used to," she mumbled._

_Tim nodded. "Yeah. But then I got to know you. I got to know who you are, what you like, what you don't like; stuff like that. I know that you don't like confrontation, unless you've got the upper hand and you know it. I know that your first instinct when something happens is to run. Like if you turn your back on something, it no longer exists. I know that when that doesn't work, you like to stand out in the rain, like you're hoping the rain will wash everything away." _

_Once more he moved closer to her, their bodies nearly touching. Gently he rested his hands on her hips. "I know that you're completely and willingly open to me, until I ask you what's wrong. I know that trying to get you to tell me what's bothering you is like pulling teeth. I know you like to deal with things by yourself, but I wish you wouldn't. I wish you'd let me be here for you. I wish you'd trust me."_

_"Tim, I trust you more than anybody," she whispered, looking up into his eyes. _

_He sighed, knowing she wasn't lying. She did trust him more than anybody else; the thing was that she _didn't _trust anyone else at all. He was ready to beg her to let him in; to trust him with everything in her just as he trusted her. "Then why won't you talk to me?" _

_Tim had long ago given himself over completely to her. Calleigh had seen and heard things that Tim would trust with no one else. She'd been there with him at his most vulnerable; at his weakest. She'd seen him at his worst. And time after time, she was still there, right beside him. He just wished Calleigh would trust him enough to know that he'd forever do the same for her. He loved her; he just really wanted her to let go; to give him everything that he'd given to her. He wasn't going anywhere. "Calleigh…"_

_Calleigh didn't speak. Instead she closed her eyes and let herself fall into his arms, feeling as they encircled her protectively. She buried her face against his chest, breathing him in and simply letting herself stay in that moment, not thinking about the past nor worrying about the future. _

_"What's going on, Cal?" he whispered gently against her hair. "What's got you so worked up?"_

_Calleigh shook her head. "I can't - I don't…"_

_"Talk to me, baby."_

_She let out a shaky breath, clutching tightly to him, though only for a moment. "I can't, Tim." She broke from his embrace and hastily made her way to the door, leaving the room without a look back. Tim sighed and sat on the bench, defeated. He wished he could figure out what it would take to get Calleigh to open up to him. With a groan, he leaned forward, resting his head in his hands. He didn't know what to do._

_It hurt; it really did. Tim couldn't deny that. _

_It wasn't much longer when the door opened again, and Tim found himself looking up toward the sound. He didn't hide his surprise as he saw Calleigh sheepishly standing there, watching him. She blinked a few times and breathed in slowly, apparently steadying herself. Tim stood from the bench, watching her concernedly. "Cal?"_

_"I'm pregnant."_

----------

The TV was on, but neither of them were interested in watching it. Calleigh simply stared at a spot on the wall, thoughts rapidly running through her mind.

She'd finally given in and let him bring her home. Eric had gotten someone to cover for both of them, and he'd driven her back to her place. That had been hours ago, and he still hadn't left. They'd ended up on the couch together, a movie on the screen in front of them.

Perhaps that was why he was still there. Maybe that was why she hadn't asked him to leave. It reminded both of them of the past; how they'd used to be. It wasn't unusual for the three of them to spend an evening crashing at one of their places, just Calleigh, Tim, and Eric; watching a movie, drinking a beer or two, or just talking. Calleigh missed those nights. Maybe it was why she didn't mind if Eric stayed; it was just like those nights, just with one huge, central piece missing.

It hurt, but at the same time, she needed it.

With a sigh, Calleigh trailed her hand across her very slightly rounded stomach. It was almost imperceptible, unless you looked closely, but it was definite to Calleigh. Only just recently had it really sunk in, the fact that she was carrying a tiny life within her. That she was carrying his child; the only remaining, real connection to Tim that she would ever have.

She closed her eyes for a moment, feeling a wave of guilt wash over her. Tim had been ecstatic, and his enthusiasm had encouraged her. He'd managed to put all her doubts to rest.

And then, suddenly he wasn't there anymore. Those first few days, Calleigh had secretly hit rock bottom. It killed her, the idea of raising his child, such a huge part of him, by herself. At her lowest point, she'd believed there was no way she could do it. At that time, everything had been just far too much for her to process, and Calleigh had seriously considered ending the pregnancy.

She'd almost willingly given up her final living connection to Tim. Just knowing that she'd actually considered it brought such an unbearable feeling of guilt to her. Blinded at the time, Calleigh hadn't realized the already intense love she felt for the tiny life growing within her. Knowing that now, she couldn't imagine giving this baby up without a fight; even if the idea of raising her without Tim scared her; brought her to tears.

Calleigh wasn't the only one not paying attention to the movie. Eric was watching her, watching the emotions rush across her eyes as she stared into nothing. He let his eyes trail over her, coming to rest on the small bump at her stomach. He smiled, though it was faint.

He couldn't deny it. Eric was hurt, in more ways than one. He'd always had a bit of an underlying crush on Calleigh, ever since the first time he'd met her. He'd been the new guy at CSI; he didn't really know what was going on or who was who, or anything really. It was like being the new kid in school; he even endured the teasing from Speed and several of the others who'd been there longer.

But Calleigh, for reasons which he still could not fathom, had taken a liking to him. She'd taken him under her wing; showing him around, helping him out, even defending him when he'd made his first mistake. Eric smiled at the memory; it'd been a mistake that, even as a newbie, he shouldn't have made it. He'd been feeling down about it, and Calleigh had found him, sharing what had happened to her in her first week on the job. By the end of the evening, they were laughing together, and Eric found himself in much higher spirits than before. Though he'd enjoyed her company, the pinnacle of the evening came just before she left him to go home. Calleigh had kissed him on the cheek; just a friendly kiss, but still it sent chills down Eric's spine. He knew what was about to happen, and for the sake of friendship and being colleagues, he tried everything he could to stop it. But it was no use; he soon found himself falling for her, and falling hard.

Since then he'd had his fair share of girlfriends, but they'd come and go without Eric really caring. They weren't Calleigh. He'd always imagined that when he finally did get ready to settle down, it'd be with Calleigh. Cliché though it was, he'd always imagined she'd be the one he proposed to under the moonlight, maybe on the beach. He'd always imagined she'd be the one to carry his children. He'd always imagined she'd be the one he spent his forever with.

And now, to see her carrying someone else's child; that hurt him. It tore him apart. Even worse, she'd kept it a secret from him. He'd always thought they were close enough to tell each other anything. To be honest, Eric felt betrayed.

Still, he couldn't make himself leave her side, no matter how hurt or betrayed he may feel. Pushing away any negative thoughts, Eric let his eyes again linger to her slightly rounded tummy, letting the thought of Calleigh being a mother bring a genuine smile to his face. "How much longer did you think you could hide?" he asked quietly, hoping Calleigh didn't think he sounded accusing.

Luckily, she knew him and read his question as simple curiosity instead of an accusation. She smiled sadly, gently touching her stomach. "You've got a point," she said softly. "I guess it won't be long before it gets obvious."

Slowly, Eric scooted closer to her on the couch. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Calleigh shrugged. "Same reason I didn't tell anyone, I guess." She hesitated, unsure just how much of herself she wanted to reveal to Eric. "I just didn't want anybody thinking I couldn't do my job the same way. I didn't want anybody's pity."

"Pity?" Eric chuckled. "Calleigh, you're having a baby. Why would people pity you?"

Calleigh looked down, her fingers nervously playing with the edge of the blanket. "No reason," she muttered.

"Come on, Calleigh."

She looked at him, touched by the compassion in his deep brown eyes. She sighed. "Because of the father…" she trailed off, again breaking eye contact.

Eric's heart pounded. "Calleigh, you weren't…"

"Oh, no, nothing like that," Calleigh said, knowing what he was asking. Again she gave a sad sigh, and Eric's heart broke for her. "It's just…the father…he's not around, I guess you could say."

Eric clenched his fists, feeling an intense anger surge up in him at this man, even though Eric had no idea who it was. He couldn't imagine ever leaving Calleigh, and leaving her pregnant at that. "Bastard," he muttered.

Calleigh bit her lip, avoiding Eric's eyes, afraid that if she looked at him, then he could see just how his last comment had upset her. She closed herself off from him again, hating how much he'd already perceived. "You know, I think I'm going to go to bed," she announced flatly, standing from the couch and beginning to move in the direction of her bedroom. "You're welcome to stay, since it's late; or you can go. I don't really care."

Without looking back, Calleigh stepped over the threshold to her room. Closing the bedroom door behind her, she at once regretted not making him leave. It wasn't because she felt uncomfortable with him staying the night. After all, it wouldn't be the first time he'd slept on her couch.

That was what bothered her - the fact that he'd be sleeping on her couch. It meant that, for the first time since Tim had died, Calleigh would be forced to attempt sleeping in their bed again. It was something that, even after several weeks, she still hadn't been able to do.

It was even hard for her to just be in the bedroom. She could still sense him everywhere, on everything. His scent was everywhere. She didn't know how she was going to get through this night. Shakily she moved through her nightly routine, then took a few steadying breaths before she climbed into bed, making sure to keep to her side. Turning off the lamp, she was surprised, feeling the complete opposite of what she thought she'd feel. As she lay down and closed her eyes, Calleigh felt oddly comforted, like Tim was right there with her. She rolled over, reaching out and pulling his pillow into her arms, breathing in deeply; slowly. And for the first time in weeks, Calleigh found herself being lulled into a peaceful sleep.

----------

_"I'm going to kill you, Speedle," Calleigh moaned, resting her forehead against the cool porcelain of the toilet, afraid to move very far. _

_Tim smirked. "It'll pass, babe. Just give it time."_

_"I have!"_

_"You know, I've heard that morning sickness tends to last for more than two days," he quipped, fully expecting it when Calleigh blindly reached out, hitting him. _

_"Shut up. This is your fault."_

_"Mm. 'Cause you had no part in it at all."_

_"I told you to shut up," Calleigh groaned, cringing as she was overtaken by a new wave of nausea. "Oh God…"_

_Tim sighed, reaching out and stroking her hair, gently pulling it back away from her face. "You'll be okay," he said quietly. "I'm here; you're okay…"_

----------

Except now, he wasn't there, and Calleigh's doubts were again shining through just as the morning sun through the bathroom window. The early morning found her where most of the previous mornings had found her; huddled on her bathroom floor, wrapped tightly in her pale pink robe, shaking slightly. She leaned her head back against the cool tile of the wall, fighting a losing battle with her nausea.

A knock on the door startled her; it took her a moment to remember who was there and why. Briefly, a tiny smile touched her lips; despite everything, Eric had stayed for her last night. "Hey, Cal? You alright?"

He sounded worried, but Calleigh couldn't find the energy to answer. Barely a minute later, the door was opened, and Eric was again by her side. "Calleigh…"

Calleigh smiled weakly. "This time I swear I'm fine," she muttered. "It's just this damn morning sickness." She closed her eyes, shuddering.

Eric reached over, gently brushing her hair back from her face. Calleigh opened her eyes, giving him the ghost of a smile. "You don't have to be here. I've done this alone for weeks now."

Eric stood, not walking out the door but instead to the sink, grabbing a washcloth and running cool water over it. He wrung it out, then sat back down in the floor next to Calleigh. "Well, you're not alone anymore," he whispered, gently placing the cloth over her forehead. He'd never seen her looking so vulnerable before.

A sudden movement caught his eye, and he felt his heart break for her as he watched a tear slide down her cheek. Instinctively, he reached out with his free hand, wiping it away with his thumb. Calleigh turned away from him, as expected. She sniffled, followed by a nervous chuckle. "I'm sorry," she said embarrassedly. "Stupid hormones."

Eric chuckled softly. "They'll get better eventually." He reached out for her, pleasantly surprised when she didn't recoil from him. "Come here…" he murmured, pulling her into his arms. He felt her tense, but he didn't let go, knowing that embracing her like this wasn't just to comfort her. It reassured Eric that she was there; that she was real. That she was still Calleigh, even through everything that had happened.

It wasn't long before Calleigh pulled away from him, leaving him feeling strangely empty. He reached out again, smoothing her hair, watching a tiny smile form on her lips. "Why don't you take yourself a hot shower and I'll fix you some breakfast," he suggested softly.

Calleigh's eyes widened. "Oh no, Eric," she said, shaking her head. "Just the thought of food makes me sick."

"Calleigh, honey, you need to eat. You can't keep skipping meals like this," Eric said, shifting into protective mode. "How about some oatmeal, or just some cereal? Something like that shouldn't irritate your stomach so much."

"Eric, please, I can't. I'm sick and tired of throwing up. I promise I'll eat a decent lunch; I just can't handle anything this early." She stood, pulling away from him, missing the look of disappointment that crossed his features. "Look, Eric, why don't you just go on to work? I'll be okay and I'll see you there later."

Eric gaped at her. "You're going to work today? After yesterday?"

Calleigh sighed. "I'm already gonna miss an awful lot in a few months; I can't afford to miss any days now." She watched Eric, seeing the protectiveness in his eyes. Part of her wanted to kick him out of her house for that; she wasn't a child and didn't need to be protected. But the other part of her felt glad that someone cared. "Look, if it makes you feel better, I'll stay in the lab today and just stick to paperwork. Lord knows I've got lots of that to catch up on," she said, faking a laugh.

Eric nodded. "That would make me feel better," he said seriously.

"Fine," she said with a nod. "Okay, that's what I'll do then. Just reports and stuff."

Eric bit his lip thoughtfully. "Are you sure you'll be okay?" he asked, feeling bad about leaving her.

"Eric, just go on to work," Calleigh said, hoping her smile was reassuring. "I'll see you there a little later."

When it came down to it, Eric just didn't want to leave her. But he knew if Calleigh needed him to stay, he'd know it, even though she wouldn't tell him. "Okay, fine," he said, knowing of nothing else to do. "I'll see you later then, I guess." Calleigh nodded, starting the water in the shower.

"Hey, Eric?" she called out, just as he was about to leave the bathroom. He turned back to her, looking at her expectantly.

Calleigh gave a tiny smile. "Thanks."

----------

Calleigh walked into ballistics later that morning, finding an apple and a granola bar sitting on her desk, a short note on the desk beside them. She opened it, already knowing who it was from.

_Calleigh,_

_Just a little something to hold you over until that decent lunch you promised me you'd have today. If you think you can eat it, great; if not, that's alright too. I just needed to do a little something to show I care. I'll see you later._

_Eric_

As she re-read the note, Calleigh couldn't keep a smile from spreading across her lips. It was real; her first true smile in weeks.

Maybe things were starting to get a little easier.


	6. Chapter Six

**Alrighty, so we're coming up to the halfway point here, and I really feel like I need to jump in now and say thanks to all y'all for all the positive feedback. You guys are all amazing, and your words have all put a smile on my face; they've all been so encouraging. So again, thanks so much! So, moving on now, here's chapter six…which not only is the longest, but it also may very well be my favorite chapter. Enjoy. :)**

* * *

_  
The first time had been a mistake. They'd both agreed on that; calling it a culmination of stress and vulnerability, mixed with the effects of alcohol, enhanced by having such a close friend nearby at the time. It was a mistake._

_The week had ended with a killer walking free; the evidence and the hard work of the CSIs not being enough to convict him. It'd been a blow to the whole team, but Tim and Calleigh had been the two that most closely worked the case. Friday evening had found them in a bar, neither of them wanting to go home or be alone, though neither would admit it to the other. Outwardly, it was just an evening between coworkers who'd had a hard day at work and just wanted to numb themselves. Inwardly; secretly, it was more._

_Conversation had been fleeting; almost non-existent, but neither of them needed to talk to know they were feeling the same thing. They were both stressed; both vulnerable. The attraction, though ignored, had long been there, and with each drink, they found themselves losing inhibitions; losing the ability to ignore that attraction._

_It wasn't much longer that they caught a cab, bringing them both to Calleigh's place. Wordlessly he'd followed her inside; wordlessly she'd allowed him, shivering as she felt his hands sliding against her hips; his breath against her skin. Calleigh giggled drunkenly, feeling his stubble brush against her cheek, before she turned her head slightly and finally brought their lips together. _

_Through the dark they stumbled, Calleigh leading Tim to her bedroom, discarding various items of clothing along the way, their lips never apart for more than a few seconds at a time. Frantically she kissed him; greedily he responded, neither of them able to think past that moment. He needed her; she needed him, and desperately they clung to one another in complete abandon._

_He'd stayed the night, but he'd been gone by the time she awoke the next morning. It was only by the light of morning that it dawned on them, the seriousness, the possible repercussions. They were coworkers. Friends. They couldn't do this._

_Calleigh had chosen to move through the next week avoiding Tim at all costs. It wasn't exactly hard, since he seemed to be doing the same thing. It couldn't be helped; sex always made things awkward. Especially drunken sex, where neither of them could remember much beyond just how amazing it had been. Knowing that didn't help things._

_She tried to forget about it._

_He tried to deny it._

_But it wouldn't be forgotten or denied when they caught the other's eye for the first time since that night. With one glance, both of them knew that it hadn't been 'nothing.' Both of them knew just how much they'd needed it; both of them knew just how undeniable that attraction now was._

_With one glance, both of them knew that this wouldn't be just a one time thing._

_The third time, it had happened without the mix of stress and alcohol. It had been only them; both of them knowing exactly what they were doing._

_"We can't do this," she'd protested weakly, all the while tugging at his belt, feeling his hands slide under the hem of her shirt._

_"I know," he'd breathed right by her ear before he trailed his lips down her jawline, finally reaching her lips. "I know."_

_The fifth time had actually been in the ballistics lab. One minute, she'd been alone, test-firing a gun from a crime scene. The next minute, before she'd even seen him come in, her senses had been inundated with his presence. The scent she'd come to know as uniquely Tim had washed over her, leaving her wanting him. Right there._

_Setting the gun down on the counter, Calleigh couldn't help but close her eyes, feeling him slide behind her. Her heart pounded; her breathing quickened. Just because he was standing behind her. "Tim…"_

_"So is this the gun our shooter used?" he asked in a low voice, pressing a kiss behind her ear. _

_"I - I was just testing it…I haven't gotten the chance to look at - at the results yet," she managed as his hands snaked around her waist, pulling her body tightly against his. "Speedle," she protested, using his last name in an attempt to sound serious, "we're not even supposed to be doing this outside the lab," she breathed._

_"Do you want me to stop?" he asked, his lips sliding along her neck. Calleigh sighed, feeling her knees weaken. _

_"No," she whispered, "but I think we have to…"_

_He smirked, turning her in his arms and pinning her against the wall. "Says who?"_

_"Says…the rules…surely…" She squirmed against him, trying only halfheartedly to get out of his grasp. "Tim."_

_He kissed her, knocking away the last of her defenses. She melted against him, a tiny moan escaping her throat. _

_It had been the first time they'd almost been caught._

_"Told you we could do it here," he smirked after, finding the blush rising in Calleigh's cheeks to be nothing short of adorable. He reached out to her, smoothing down her hair, watching her giggle nervously. _

_"You're so bad, you know that?" she hissed, a grin playing on her lips. She straightened out the front of Tim's shirt, gladly taking the excuse to run her hands over his chest again. _

_"Good girls, bad boys; you know what they say," Tim breathed, resting his hands on her hips. "Although, not that you're at all innocent…" he leaned in, intent on capturing her lips with his._

_But abruptly they broke apart as the door burst open, Eric pushing his way into the lab. "Hey, Calleigh? Did you find a match to the bullet from the Dessler case?" He paused, raising an eyebrow suspiciously. "Everything okay?" he asked, looking from Calleigh and her slightly tinted cheeks to Tim and his completely nonchalant expression._

_"Yep," Tim replied easily as Calleigh nodded. He turned back to Calleigh. "Call me when you find something out, okay?"_

_Calleigh nodded tersely, replying to Tim's discreet wink with a look that clearly said, 'we cannot do this again.'_

_Embarrassed, she swore it would be the last time._

_But both of them knew that was a lie._

_Eventually, it had become part of their routine, and Calleigh had lost count of how often it had happened. It hit her abruptly one night several months later, lying in bed with him. She rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. Things had changed, and it hadn't been a sudden change either._

_He didn't leave her in the mornings anymore._

_They didn't avoid each other during the daytime anymore._

_On her birthday, he'd sent her the most beautiful tulips she'd ever seen._

_They'd been spending time together outside of both work and their apartments. They'd been doing things that any observer would construe as a date._

_And, more than that, he held her. He'd been doing that now for weeks, maybe months; holding her until they both fell asleep, instead of just rolling over and falling asleep himself. It was more than just holding her - it was almost cuddling. Calleigh couldn't deny that it felt nice; it felt good to be wrapped in his arms as she fell asleep._

_It was so much more than physical attraction now. It was so much more than just sex._

_It was a realization that scared normally in-control Calleigh. Had Timothy Speedle really been able to break through her walls and cause her to fall in love with him - all without her even realizing it until it was too late to stop it?_

_Love._ _The word itself scared her just as much as the realization did. It was an emotion Calleigh was fairly uncomfortable with. Until now, she'd thought she'd only felt it once. But what Calleigh felt when she was with Tim so completely overshadowed any feeling she'd previously thought was love. It was an intense feeling; almost overpowering. _

_"What are we doing, Tim?" she murmured sleepily. This sudden rush of feeling was so confusing to her._

_He kissed her head, giving a low chuckle. "Lying in bed, it would seem." He drew a finger lightly down her spine, smiling as she shivered in his arms. _

_It took some effort, but she shifted, resting her chin on his chest, staring deep into his eyes. "I know that, Tim," she said, playfully rolling her eyes. She pursed her lips. "What I meant was," she hesitated, trying to describe just what she meant, "what are we doing?"_

_Tim exhaled, reaching out and cupping her face. Gently he stroked his thumb across her lip. "What do you think we're doing?" he asked quietly, his eyes never leaving hers._

_"I don't know," she whispered. "I don't know, and that - it scares me," she admitted. _

_He chuckled. "What are you afraid of, baby?"_

_Calleigh squirmed, suddenly uncomfortable. She shook her head, really not knowing where to begin. "I just; I don't know. This was casual in the beginning. No strings, and all that. And now, it's not so casual anymore. You - you get to me, Tim, and it scares me that you make me want to let go. You make me want to do something crazy; something completely insane." She swallowed, her eyes still locked on Tim's. "You make me want more."_

_"More?" He slid his hand through her hair, watching as the silky strands flowed between his fingers._

_Calleigh nibbled thoughtfully at her bottom lip. "I wanna have you all to myself," she confessed softly, her cheeks reddening slightly. She giggled. "It sounds selfish, but I want to know you're mine and mine alone."_

_Tim pulled her closer, one hand at the back of her neck as he brought her lips down to his. He kissed her deeply, with such intensity that it left every part of Calleigh tingling. "Baby, I've been all yours since the beginning."_

----------

Eric narrowed his eyes; the cool demeanor of the suspect before him more than aggravating him. Here this man was, accused of murder; and yet he was completely calm. Completely under control; not to mention able to produce a cheeky comment to everything Eric said. It was really grating on his nerves.

"We found the knife and the gun next to her body," Eric said, showing him the pictures. "Your prints were all over them."

The suspect, Bryan Carter, smirked. "Doesn't mean I did it."

"Then how would you explain it?"

"Easy. Think about it. You're a CSI, aren't you supposed to know these things?" He grinned. "Say your girlfriend borrows your car and runs over some people in a crosswalk. She did it, but your prints are all over the car. Are you gonna be arrested just because you own the car?"

Eric glared. "Your prints were the only ones on the knife and the gun, Carter!"

"Maybe they wore gloves," Carter countered with a grin.

"You cut yourself when you stabbed her, as most killers do when they stab someone." His eyes flashed dangerously, not liking Carter's attitude. "You killed her."

"Prove it," he hissed.

Eric stood, slamming his fists on the table. "I just did!"

Carter laughed, clearly amused at watching Eric lose his temper. "Okay. Prove it wasn't self-defense."

Eric stared, but took his seat again, forcing himself to calm down. "She was a hundred pounds lighter than you, not to mention over a foot shorter than you. She couldn't have taken you if she'd tried."

"She came at me with the knife."

"Her prints weren't on the knife!" His next sentence was interrupted; both sets of eyes turning toward the door as Calleigh walked in, looking at Eric; slightly annoyed that he'd started without her.

Calleigh didn't bother taking a seat. "Mr. Carter, you may as well give up, since there's no way you're going to argue yourself out of this one. All the evidence points to you."

"Eh. Evidence is circumstantial," he quipped, his eyes raking over Calleigh's body. She ignored it, but Eric couldn't help clenching his fists again.

"Not this evidence," Calleigh replied coolly, staring him down. "Your prints on your knife and the gun registered to you place you at the scene. Trajectories and spatter patterns place you behind her with the knife, and standing over her with the gun." She placed a few more pictures on the table, watching his reaction. "Your history of domestic abuse doesn't make this look any better at all for you. You killed her. And you'll be getting life in prison, if not the death penalty."

He smirked. "Well, I guess it's proof that everyone gets what they deserve, huh?" he said, still smiling as he leaned back in his chair. He gave another creepily appreciative glance over her body, lingering on her curves.

Calleigh shuddered inwardly, but shrugged it off, determined not to let him get to her. "Kind of overkill, don't you think? You stab her twice, and then shoot her in the head?"

"Just making sure she was dead, you know?" Carter replied, giving up the fake innocent act.

Eric was disgusted. "Were you aware that your wife was thirteen weeks pregnant?" he snarled.

A tiny glimmer of shock flew across Carter's eyes, but it was replaced almost immediately by the same smirk he'd had the whole time. "Listen, officer. Had I known that, do you really think I'd have killed her?" he asked suggestively, his eyes locked on Calleigh's rounded tummy. "All those hormones running wild? I'd have had some fun with her first. Guess I missed out," he said, pretending to be disappointed. "Maybe I'll just have to play with Blondie here instead."

Calleigh had barely opened her mouth before Eric was again on his feet, leaning over the table. "I have had it with you, Carter," he whispered dangerously, his face inches away from the suspect's, not hearing Calleigh calling his name. His protectiveness was in full swing; to hear anybody say anything like that about Calleigh got his blood boiling. He couldn't help it. "Don't you dare speak to her like that again. Don't you even look at her again, okay?"

Carter scoffed. "Please. I bet she enjoys it." He stared Eric down, not in the least intimidated. "And you can't look me in the eye and tell me you don't agree with me."

"Excuse me?"

"The hormones," he clarified, winking suggestively at Calleigh. "One second she's pissed at you; then the next she's got you pinned to the wall, greedily ripping your pants off. It's vicious."

"You bastard," Eric began, quickly moving around the table and pulling Carter up from the chair, slamming him against the wall. "Don't you ever, ever say anything like that again!"

"Eric!" Calleigh yelled, taking Eric by the arm before he could give Carter a black eye or two, or worse. "Outside, now!" she demanded, turning and walking back out of the room.

"Feisty one," Carter smirked, and Eric forced himself to stay in control; only throwing a dangerous glare toward the suspect. With a growl, Eric followed Calleigh, closing the door behind him.

"What the hell was that, Eric?" Calleigh hissed, clearly not pleased.

Eric's eyes widened. "Calleigh, what was I supposed to do?"

"Keep your cool, that's what," she said, glancing through the window. "He could file an assault charge!"

"What he was saying-"

"You should have ignored him and stuck strictly to the case, Eric," Calleigh said, looking at him pointedly.

Eric stared at her. He knew she was right; he should have kept it professional. If it had been anybody else that Carter was talking about, he probably wouldn't have lost it, at least, not as badly. But he couldn't just sit back and let the man say that kind of thing about Calleigh, implied or not. "Calleigh, I couldn't-"

"If I'd thought it was anything more than talk, I would have handled it," Calleigh interrupted again, and Eric bit his lip, wishing she'd stop that. "If I felt threatened by it, I would have taken care of it. Or I would've backed off. But the main thing is that I would've decided it for myself, Eric. I don't need you to step in for me or anything like that," she finished, her voice steady but her eyes clearly betraying her anger. "It only makes things worse, for everybody involved." With that, she turned and walked away, leaving Eric gaping after her.

As she walked, Calleigh pulled out her cell phone, quickly dialing a number. "Hey, Ryan? Do you think you could cover for me for just a little while? Yeah, I just need a break…"

----------

"Do you think I overreacted?" Calleigh asked softly, feeling a little guilty for getting angry with Eric earlier. "I mean, I understand where he was coming from and all, but…I don't know." She smiled, shaking her head. "I don't know what to think when it comes to Eric. He's been such an amazing friend since, well, you know. I never really realized how, well, loyal he is, I guess. I mean, he's constantly right there beside me, even when I've pretty much just told him to go to hell," she said quietly, thinking back on just how true that statement was. Since she'd told Eric about the baby, he was always there when she needed him to be; or when she just wanted somebody to talk to. He was always around, which, to Calleigh, sometimes got a bit annoying, but oddly enough, she found it sweet. "I don't know; I guess he was just trying to be protective today, and I kind of feel like I overreacted."

Absently she threaded her fingers through the grass, just like she always used to do with Tim's hair. She chuckled; he'd always hated when she did that. "Listen to me," she said, smiling sadly, "I keep asking you questions like this. Like I expect you to answer me." With a sigh, she closed her eyes, feeling the tears try to squeeze through her eyelids. "I guess I'm hoping maybe one day you will."

She lifted her head, blinking back her tears. "You know, it's just a few weeks away from six months now, and yet, I still wake up every morning, wondering why you're not beside me. Part of me doesn't think I'll ever wake up in the morning without reaching out for you." Calleigh drew her fingers over the stone, over his name as she spoke, feeling her heart ache. She still missed him just as much as she did that first day. "I've been thinking lately," she whispered, resting her hand on her now very noticeable stomach. "I can't stop thinking about how great of a father you would've been," she whispered, her voice shaking.

"I had a dream the other night," she continued, bringing her hands to dry her eyes. It did no good; however, as soon as she began remembering the dream, the tears began anew. "We had a daughter, Tim, just like you said. In the dream she was, I don't know, three or four. I came home from work one day and I saw you, sitting in the living room with her on your lap as you read her favorite story to her. She looked just like you, Tim; the dark hair, deep eyes." Her face crumpled, remembering what had happened next. "You finished reading the story, and she gave you such a wide smile as you said 'the end.' You put the book back on the table, and she leaned against you, resting her head against your chest. She said, 'I love you, Daddy.' You kissed her head and brushed your fingers through her hair, eventually putting her to sleep." Calleigh paused, sniffling. "I woke up bawling, Tim," she confessed, tears clouding her eyes. "I want so badly to come home and see that," she murmured. "I want you back with me so, so much."

She hesitated, the rush of sadness almost overwhelming. "You told me you'd always be here when I needed you," she murmured weakly. "So where are you?"

----------

_She felt him behind her, and immediately she tensed, knowing what was coming. He was quite possibly the last person she wanted to confront her right now. But oddly enough, at the same time, he was the one person she wanted to see._

_She felt him, closing the distance. She felt him, just mere inches behind her. But still she didn't turn to him; instead choosing to keep her back to him. To keep her shield up. _

_"That was a stupid thing you did today," he said quietly, gently touching her elbow. It was a statement, not an accusation, but even so, Calleigh couldn't help but be irritated._

_"Tim, I've already had this argument once today with Detective Hagen, and I really don't want to have it with you."_

_He watched her, wishing she'd face him. "I don't want to argue with you either."_

_"Then what are you doing?"_

_He sighed. "I was just making an observation."_

_"I can make my own observations, thank you."_

_Tim gave a defeated sigh, taking a seat on the bench. "I was just…concerned."_

_"I'm also capable of taking care of myself."_

_"Calleigh."_ _He rubbed his temples, frustrated. She'd never shut him out like this before. Sure, there'd been a few arguments, but when it came down to it, he knew her. He knew what she was thinking; what she was feeling. But in the past few moments, she'd retreated within herself, shielding herself from even him. It hurt._

_"Go home, Tim," she sighed weakly, her shoulders slumping. Tim stood again; fearing she was close to breaking. It was the only reason he could think of for her to shut him out - she was about to break, and she didn't want him to see it. _

_"Not without you," Cal," he murmured, a hand on her back. _

_"Tim-"_

_"He could've killed you, Calleigh," he blurted, pained. Calleigh glanced to the side, meeting his eyes for a split second before she looked away again._

_"But he didn't."_

_"But next time it could be you, and I'm just asking you to be a little more careful." He smirked slightly, realizing the parallel he'd just made. _

_Calleigh didn't find it so amusing. It was not the same thing. _

_But really, it was exactly the same. It had been Tim's own fault that he hadn't cleaned his gun, putting him in danger that day not too long ago. Just like him, it had been Calleigh's fault that she could've been killed today. Her uncharacteristic recklessness; her own determination. But to Calleigh, the two were still completely different, and she didn't want to talk about it. "Look, Tim, just go away, okay?"_

_"Nope."_

_She glared at him half-heartedly. "And why not?"_

_"Honestly? Because I know you don't want me to." _

_Calleigh rolled her eyes, though secretly, she couldn't deny that he was right. "That's ridiculous."_

_"What's ridiculous? The idea that I know you as well as you know me?" _

_"No, the idea that you think you know me so well."_

_Tim shook his head, a dry chuckle escaping him. "Baby, I do know you. You might as well be an open book to me." He reached out to her, embracing her. Calleigh tensed at first, but soon relaxed into his arms, resting her forehead against his shoulder, her own arms wrapping around him. Weakly at first, but then tightening as Calleigh realized he was right. She did need someone to hold on to._

_Tenderly, Tim kissed the top of her head. "I know you're conflicted right now. I know when you walked out of here this morning to go find Kerner, you left wanting to kill him. But you didn't, and you don't know whether it was the right thing or the wrong thing to do. I know, right now you're thinking 'I had him; why didn't I make sure he wouldn't kill again?' I know you blame yourself for Janet's death," he added softly. I know you think she died because of you. All I can say is that it's not your fault, Cal. It was her choice. She could have stepped away from the case at any time and gotten herself some protection, but she didn't. She chose to see this through."_

_He let go of her slightly, stepping back just enough to look into her eyes. "I know right now you want to be alone, but you're not. I've told you this before, and I mean it, Calleigh. I'm not going anywhere." _

_"Why not?"_

_"Because you never left me._ _You stayed with me that day on the beach, even though it was raining and I'm sure you wanted to strangle me for my bitterness," he recalled, smirking a bit. "But you stayed with me." He felt her tremble a little, and his heart broke for her. For a moment he simply held her, silently reassuring her that he was there._

_"Tell me something," he murmured after a moment. "Tell me something, without stopping to think about it. Without analyzing it." He gave her a long look, making sure he had her attention. "When you found me on the beach after the - after my gun misfired, why wouldn't you leave me alone?"_

_She looked at him as though it were obvious. "Because I was worried, Tim. Because I care about you." _

_"Exactly." _

_Her eyes widened in understanding, and she quickly looked away. "That's not the same," she muttered._

_"Hey, look at me," Tim entreated softly, placing his fingers under her chin and tilting her face back to him. "It is the same and you know it. No matter how much I tried to get you to leave, you stayed right there with me. Because without my ever saying it, you knew I needed you there."_

_He kissed her forehead, lacing his fingers with hers. "You didn't leave me. And now I'm not leaving you."_


	7. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

_"Tim, this place is beautiful," Calleigh murmured in awe, her eyes taking in the view. She'd told him to surprise her, and he really, truly had. The restaurant he'd chosen was right on the beach, and he'd secured a table out on the deck, directly overlooking the ocean. As the sun crept farther down in the west, the eastern sky was already fading into different hues of blue and a tiny bit of pink. Closing her eyes for a moment, Calleigh breathed in deeply, letting the scent of the ocean wash over her, as well as the sounds of the waves crashing just on the beach below._

_"You're a thousand times more beautiful," Tim replied, looping his arms around her from behind and pressing a kiss behind her ear. Calleigh giggled softly, rolling her eyes. "It's true," he insisted._

_Calleigh sighed happily, leaning into his embrace. "How did you find this place?" she asked softly. "I'd never even heard of it. And to get a reservation at such short notice?"_

_Tim chuckled. "I have a friend…who knows people…" he replied secretively. _

_Calleigh grinned. "You think you're sexy when you do that whole cryptic thing, huh?"_

_He smirked, gently nipping at her earlobe. "Oh, I know I'm sexy when I do that whole cryptic thing," he breathed teasingly right by her ear. Calleigh squirmed, his breath tickling her skin. "You know it too, babe." Gently he turned her in his arms, dropping his lips to hers in a quick kiss. Pulling away, he took her hand and led her to their table, pulling her chair out for her. _

_Calleigh smiled brightly, taking her seat. "You're really something tonight, aren't you?"_

_Tim pretended to be offended. "What, I'm not allowed to show you how much I love you?" he asked, a smirk playing at his lips._

_Calleigh ducked her head, blushing. "I just - it's a lot, that's all," she said quietly. _

_Tim reached out, tilting her chin up. He gave her a genuine smile; and Calleigh blushed again; it was the smile he reserved only for her. "It's not a lot, Calleigh," he said sincerely, holding her gaze. "If anything, it's not enough." Gently he caressed her cheek before he pulled his hand away. "Now, pick something to eat," he said, gesturing toward the menu. "Make sure it's expensive," he added with a smirk._

_Moments later, after the waiter had taken their orders, Tim found himself again simply staring at Calleigh. Entranced by the view, she gazed out over the ocean, a tiny smile on her face, a faraway look in her eyes. Tim chuckled lightly; Calleigh was completely lost to everything around her._

_Abruptly, he leaned over the table, slightly stunning Calleigh as he captured her lips with his. It was soft, sweet; there was nothing hurried or desperate about it, but it still held just as much passion; just as much love. Tim broke the contact only for a second before he kissed her again, still gentle, still languid. His lips slid tantalizingly over hers, and once he felt her shiver lightly against him, he pulled back, sitting back again as he watched her. _

_Blinking a few times, Calleigh tilted her head slightly; questioningly. It was a moment before she could speak; even while seated, his kisses still managed to leave her dizzy. "What was that for?" Calleigh asked breathlessly, a playful grin spreading across her lips. _

_Tim gazed intently into her eyes; those sparkling green eyes that he'd long ago fallen captive to. He gave her a wink, brushing his hand against hers under the table. "Just because."_

_Calleigh giggled. "Just because?"_

_"Well, yeah," he said, shrugging lightly. "Why not?"_

_Again she giggled, feeling her cheeks flushing from his rapt gaze. Her hand found his, and she linked their fingers, sighing contentedly as she let herself be lost in his dark eyes. She'd entertained the thought before, but for the first time, Calleigh was one hundred percent sure of it - she wanted to marry this man._

_After dinner, they'd made their way down onto the beach, lazily walking hand in hand until it grew far too dark to see in front of them. They'd begun heading back to where they started when Calleigh suddenly got an idea._

_She giggled, and tugged on his hands, pulling him closer to her. Throwing her arms around his neck, Calleigh stood on her tiptoes and kissed Tim soundly on the lips, lost to everything else around her. Feeling his arms snake around her waist, Calleigh broke the kiss, watching him with a grin on her face._

_Lightly he rested his forehead against hers. "What was that for?"_

_Calleigh winked, echoing his earlier response. "Oh, just because." Deftly she danced her way out of his grip, tugging playfully on his hand again. "Come on, I'll race you back to the car!"_

_Tim raised an eyebrow. "Baby, you can't run in those shoes," he remarked, trailing off toward the end as already Calleigh had pulled her shoes off and was beginning to run up the beach. "Cal!" _

_She turned back to him, laughing. "Loser does laundry for two months!"_

_Tim gaped. "Laundry? Is that the best you can come up with?" he asked, amused._

_Calleigh stuck her tongue out in retaliation. "I'm sure you'll be saying that when you lose!"_

_With a smirk, Tim started running, chasing her. Calleigh squealed, laughing as she resumed her own trek up the beach. Moments later, she placed a hand on the car door, smiling victoriously._

_"I win!" she exclaimed breathlessly, leaning against the side of the car. _

_"Only 'cause you cheated," Tim muttered, out of breath himself. _

_Calleigh playfully swatted his chest. "I did not cheat," she said indignantly, a grin on her face. "I won fair and square, and you know it."_

_Tim stared at her, his breath catching in his throat. Her bright green eyes sparkled teasingly back at him; her lips were curved in a playful yet devious grin. Her cheeks were flushed from their impromptu race (which Tim was still not going to concede that she'd won fairly), and a few tendrils of her hair curled slightly in the humidity. Vaguely he realized that, had he not already been out of breath, the sight of her before him would have taken it away. Tenderly he reached out, brushing a strand of golden hair behind her ear. "Cheater," he murmured again teasingly, a smirk creeping across his lips._

_"Sore loser," Calleigh retorted, gasping softly as he pinned her against the side of the car with nowhere to run. Not that she actually wanted to run anywhere else._

_His smirk grew, and he leaned closer, his lips mere inches from hers. "You know, actually, I'm thinking maybe I'm the winner here," he remarked, kissing her deeply._

----------

Calleigh paused the movie she was watching, hoping she hadn't just heard what she thought she heard. After all, she'd just settled down and didn't have any desire in getting back up again for awhile. At first, she'd been completely opposed to the idea of taking maternity leave, convinced she could work until she actually went into labor. She grinned slightly, recalling 'stubborn' as the word Eric had used.

But now, at a little over eight months pregnant, there was nothing more that Calleigh wanted to do than lay around on the couch with a movie, a blanket, and some mint chocolate chip ice cream. It was a good thing her morning sickness hadn't lasted past her fifth month. She smiled, remembering just how ecstatic she'd been on that first glorious morning that she hadn't woken up with nausea.

Her smile faded as she heard the noise again. With a sigh, she realized that it was indeed a knock on the door. "Wonder who that is," she said to herself with a chuckle. It was half-past noon, so that could only mean it was one person - Eric, stopping by on his lunch break.

He'd done that everyday since Calleigh had begun her maternity leave, despite her protests that he really didn't need to do that; she was perfectly fine sitting around the apartment by herself. But Eric maintained that he was just coming by to keep her company, and that he enjoyed it. Calleigh grinned; she couldn't say she didn't enjoy it, because he always brought her food. That was something that the baby couldn't seem to get enough of lately.

Groaning, Calleigh pulled herself from the couch, making her way to the door just as Eric knocked again. She smiled brightly as she opened the door, her eyes immediately darting to the bag in his hand. "What'd you bring me?" she asked excitedly.

Eric raised an eyebrow. "Who says I brought you anything?" he asked teasingly.

Calleigh narrowed her eyes. "I'm pregnant, I'm hungry, and I can get dangerous. I'd suggest that you leave right now if you didn't bring me anything." She crossed her arms, winking as well to let Eric know she was joking.

Eric laughed. "You're not as scary as you think you are," he teased.

"Do you really want to try me?" she challenged with a fake glare.

Eric studied her for a moment. "You wouldn't hurt me," he smirked smugly.

Calleigh tilted her head thoughtfully. "Well, at least not while you're holding food," she said with another wink. She smiled, moving to let him in. As she closed the door, Eric made his way to the kitchen with their lunch. He no longer felt awkward about doing that; in fact, in the past few months, Eric had been there so often that he now felt comfortable doing almost anything in her apartment. He knew where everything was and where everything was supposed to go. It was a dangerous thought, he knew that; but it still didn't change the fact that, given the right circumstances, Eric could very, very easily come to think of Calleigh's apartment as _their_ apartment.

Calleigh hung back for a moment, thoughtfully nibbling at her lip as she mulled over the decision she'd made earlier. It had seemed only too natural earlier, but now she was having second thoughts. Pulling the extra key from her purse, she turned it over a couple times in her hand, deep in thought.

It was just a house key. Granted, she wouldn't give an extra key to just anybody, but this was Eric. Her best friend. She knew she could trust him with anything; it was just…did she want to?

Shaking her head, Calleigh began to follow Eric to the kitchen, confused as to why this simple choice was eating at her so much. It was just a spare key to her apartment; it wasn't as though it was the key to her heart. She knew there was only one man who would ever really hold that.

Forcing away a pang of sadness, Calleigh pocketed the key, finally making her way into the kitchen. Her stomach rumbled, and a wide smile formed on her face as she watched Eric warming up their lunch. "Mmm, that smells good."

Eric smiled in return. "It's not much today; just some leftovers from dinner at my mom's last night."

Calleigh's smile widened, her eyes lighting up. "You know how I love your mom's cooking."

"Yeah, that's why I brought this instead of stopping and grabbing something on the way over," he said with a chuckle. He watched her make her way over to him. "So how're you doing?" he asked.

Calleigh laughed. "Oh, just about the same as I was doing when you called this morning."

A sheepish look crossed over Eric's face. "Sorry. I just worry a little." He smiled apologetically.

"I know," Calleigh said, laying a hand on his arm. "And I really appreciate it. You've been great. I just wish you'd let me do something to repay you."

Eric shrugged. "You're my best friend, Cal. Besides, I don't have anywhere else I'd rather be; no matter how many times you've tried to get me to go away," he said, remembering.

"Well, I'm glad you didn't listen to me," she said softly. He gazed down at her, his brown eyes intense. The closeness suddenly became too much for Calleigh, and she took a step back, dropping her hand from his arm. 'I, uh, wanted to give you this," she said, pulling the key out of her pocket. "Spare key," she clarified. She grinned, though half-heartedly. "Since, you know, it's almost like you live here now. And I'm getting too fat to get up and answer the door for you every time you stop by," she laughed.

He laughed with her. "You're not fat, Cal."

She snorted. "Please, Eric. I'm a whale. I waddle."

"Actually, it's ducks that waddle."

Calleigh couldn't help it; she dissolved into giggles. "It was an example, Eric!"

"A bad one." Eric smiled, watching her. It was great to hear her laughing again; to see her happy, at least for the moment. He'd missed her smiles, her giggles, her teasing; and now that they were back, it was a huge relief to Eric. It'd been hard; there'd been a point where he was afraid he was losing her; she was just that different from who she'd been before. But now it seemed Calleigh was back, or at least on her way. He grinned. "Whatever you say, Cal," he smirked. "But you're still not fat."

"Okay then," Calleigh replied teasingly, "I'm just too lazy to get up and get the door for you every time you drop by."

Eric placed a hand over his heart. "Now see, that wounds me," he joked, eliciting another laugh from Calleigh.

"Well, get over it," she said, just as the microwave stopped. Eric turned, pulling the dishes out. Calleigh closed her eyes, breathing in. "That smells great," she murmured. She smiled as the baby agreed, placing a hand over her stomach as she felt her kicking.

Eric eyed her hand. "You okay?"

Calleigh chuckled. "Yeah, she's just excited."

Eric smiled, putting their lunch on plates. "She kicking?"

"Yeah," Calleigh replied wistfully. "Seems like she's doing that nonstop now. She really likes to do it in the middle of the night."

"Naturally," Eric replied, amused.

----------

_"Are you sure this baby's a girl?" Eric asked, putting the first strokes of pale pink paint on the wall in what was going to be the baby's room. "Since I mean, you didn't let the doctor tell you."_

_"It's intuition, Eric." Calleigh smiled. "She's a girl, I can feel it." A feeling of sadness flickered over her; it wasn't so much her intuition that told her it was a girl, it was more the fact that Tim had been completely convinced it was a girl. He'd wanted a girl so badly._

_"Well, I'm just saying; it's gonna be a little sad if you have a boy. Putting him in this pink room, and all."_

_Calleigh smirked. "Well, you know what they say about real men and pink."_

_"They don't sleep in a pink room, Cal. They wear pink."_

_Calleigh stopped, pretending to look over Eric closely. "I don't see you wearing any," she observed with a giggle. "Maybe we should fix that," she added, swiping her paintbrush across Eric's cheek before he could react, leaving a trail of pink paint there. _

_Eric looked at her, his eyes wide. "Oh, now you're asking for it." He grinned, brandishing his own paintbrush as he moved closer to her. _

_Seeing the playful glint flash through Eric's eyes, Calleigh squealed, lifting her hands to shield her face. "Eric! No! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" she laughed, backing slowly away from him. Eric followed her, backing her up against the door with nowhere to go._

_"Sorry doesn't cut it," he teased, catching her wrists in his free hand and moving her hands away from her face. He grinned, lifting his paintbrush to her face, making sure to get paint on both her cheeks and on the tip of her nose. He smirked. "That's what you get."_

_Calleigh laughed devilishly. "Oh really?" She lifted her paintbrush again, ready to attack, but suddenly she froze, the brush dropping from her hand to the newspaper-covered floor below. "Oh my God," she whispered, placing a hand over her stomach._

_Eric frowned in concern. "Cal?"_

_"Oh my God," she repeated in awe._

_"Calleigh? Do I need to call a doctor?" Eric asked, beginning to panic._

_Calleigh hastily shook her head. "No…" she paused, breathing slowly as she felt the sensation again. "She just kicked."_

_"What?"_

_Calleigh's face broke into a smile. "She just kicked!"_

_Eric laughed in relief; he'd been afraid something was wrong. "Really?"_

_"Yeah! Feel," she said, and without thinking, she reached out, taking Eric's hand and placing it on her stomach. "Just wait…"_

_Eric looked down at her hand over his on her stomach, then looked back up, straight into her eyes. He was so close to her; he could feel her breathing. Likewise, he was afraid she could hear just how hard his heart was pounding, just from her touching him. "Calleigh…"_

_"Just wait." She moved his hand slightly, until it was in just the right place. _

_For a moment, there was nothing. Then he felt it; it was light, but it was definitely a kick. His face broke into a wide smile, almost rivaling Calleigh's. "I felt it!" he exclaimed, giddy. _

_Calleigh laughed, staring into his deep brown eyes. Her smile faded slightly as she realized their position. He was so close to her, and she was backed against the door, nowhere to go. Her breath caught in her throat, and her mind began racing. His hand was still on her stomach, but Calleigh didn't think he was aware of it, as intensely as he was looking into her eyes. She knew it was wrong, but she couldn't look away. "Eric."_

_"Calleigh," he whispered. He gazed at her, the paint on her cheeks and her nose, along with her messy ponytail and the strands of hair falling around her face making her look nothing less than adorable. He tested his boundaries by stepping even closer to her, their bodies all but touching. His own paintbrush dropped to the ground as he lifted his hand, gently cupping her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb. He leaned into her, completely overtaken by the overwhelming urge to kiss her._

_She could feel his breath on her face; she knew where he was going. And Calleigh almost let him, if not for the crushing sensation of guilt that crashed into her just as his lips were millimeters away from hers. "Eric," she protested, finally pushing him back. She avoided his eyes. "I can't - I just -" she shook her head. "I'll be back in a second," she said quickly, opening the door and rushing out, leaving Eric confused and slightly hurt._

_Heart pounding, Calleigh quickly disappeared into her bedroom, locking the door behind her. Shakily, she rushed into the adjoining bathroom, roughly grabbing a washcloth and holding under the faucet. She scrubbed her face harshly, almost painfully, trying desperately not so much to get the paint off of her cheeks and nose, but to get the feel of Eric's touch off of her face. He'd caressed her cheek; he'd almost kissed her, and Calleigh had almost enjoyed it. Increasing the force, she scrubbed frantically at her face with the washcloth, scrubbing away with the paint the feelings he'd stirred in her; the butterflies he'd given her. The guilt, however, remained._

_She dried her reddened face with a soft towel, wincing slightly as she felt her face burn. In her mind, it was a pain she deserved, so she'd live with it. Calleigh left the bathroom, moving straight to her dresser, opening the third drawer from the bottom and searching anxiously through its contents until she found her treasure - her favorite of Tim's shirts. Clutching it tightly, she sank to the floor, deeply breathing in his scent. The shirt still smelled like him, and the scent calmed her, though at the same time, it crushed her. "I'm sorry, Tim," she whispered, the guilt almost overpowering. "I don't know what that was; I just - I'm sorry…"_

----------

A tap on the shoulder brought her back to the present, and she looked up at Eric. "What?"

He smiled. "I asked if you were done," he said, gesturing to her empty plate. She nodded, and he tried to take it from her, intent on doing the dishes.

Calleigh took his arm. "Eric, you don't have to do that."

He shrugged. "I don't mind."

"You brought me lunch; the least I can do is wash the dishes."

"Calleigh, it's fine," he assured her with a smile. "Really, I don't mind." He chuckled. "Besides, you're supposed to be on maternity leave. That means no work," he said with a wink.

Calleigh frowned. "I just feel bad with you doing all this stuff, without me repaying you for it."

"Trust me, Cal, you do enough," he said with a smile, knowing she didn't know what he meant. It was enough for him just to be around her; to spend time with her. For that, he would do anything for her. "Why don't you go lay back down and finish your movie? I'll do the dishes, and then I have to get back to work." He paused, carrying the dishes to the sink. "By the way, do you need anything from the store?"

"What?"

"I need to stop by the store later and pick up a few things, and I figured if you needed anything, I'd go ahead and get it and bring it back by here on my way home tonight."

Calleigh blushed, looking at the ground sheepishly. She muttered something incomprehensible. She didn't exactly _need_ anything, but there was something she wanted. Something she really wanted.

Eric chuckled. "What was that?"

"Could you bring me some ice cream?" she asked shyly.

Eric stared at her for a moment before he laughed. "Again?" She glared at him, and he smirked. "I just brought you some the other day."

"I know. But the baby was hungry," she whined.

"The baby," Eric repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"Okay, fine, I wanted it, so I ate it. At three in the morning. I can't help what I crave and when I crave it," Calleigh pouted.

Eric chuckled. "Okay, I'll bring you some more ice cream," he said, laughing at how Calleigh's eyes lit up. "What kind was it again? Vanilla?" he teased.

Calleigh narrowed her eyes. "Mint chocolate chip!"

"I was teasing, Cal," Eric replied. "I'll make sure you get your mint chocolate chip ice cream."

"Good."

Eric grinned. "Now go back to your movie and let me finish the dishes so I can get back to work."

Calleigh complied, leaving the kitchen. Eric made quick work of the dishes, already pushing his lunch break just a bit. But he didn't care about that; it was more time he could spend with Calleigh.

Putting the final plate away, he dried his hands and grabbed his keys, smiling as he added Calleigh's extra key to the set. He walked into the living room, not at all surprised to find Calleigh already asleep on the couch, the movie still playing on the screen in front of her. He smiled, pulling the blanket up from the floor and covering her up with it. Indulging himself, Eric watched her sleep for a few moments, listening to her steady breathing. He looked at his watch, deciding he'd better get back to work.

Brushing back a stray lock of her hair, Eric leaned down, gently kissing her forehead. "See you later," he whispered. "Sweet dreams." With that, he sighed and made his way to the door, ready to head back to work, already looking forward to the next time he'd be here with her.

Closing the door behind him, Eric sighed, resting his head against the door for a moment. He'd always felt something for Calleigh, but this was beyond what he even thought it possible to feel. That boundary, the one he'd always taken such great care to keep from crossing; it was so far behind him now that he couldn't see it even if he turned around and peered through a pair of binoculars. At this point, there was no way to stop it - his feelings for her were quickly moving into dangerous territory.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

_Tim frowned as he looked through yesterday's paper. Most of the sections hadn't been touched, but there was one section that looked as though it'd been gone over and over with a fine toothed comb. Certain entries were circled in red ink, calling out to anyone who laid eyes on that portion of the paper. Idly he rubbed his lightly aching head, wondering just what Calleigh was up to. _

_Just moments later, he heard the front door open. He set the paper aside, planning to ask her about it later. He stood, smiling as he watched her walk in the door, shopping bags in her arms. "You buy out the whole mall or something?" he smirked._

_Calleigh narrowed her eyes at him. "I only got the things I needed today, thank you very much."_

_"Well, you know that what you need and what we actually need are two different things."_

_"Oh, hush," she scolded, smiling nonetheless. She smirked slightly as her eyes traveled over Tim, noticing that he didn't look much different than when she'd last seen him - that morning, maybe five minutes after he'd gotten out of bed. "Well, at least I spent my day off doing something productive," she teased, itching to run her fingers through his tousled hair._

_Tim crossed his arms. "I read the paper."_

_Calleigh laughed. "I notice you didn't feel the need to get dressed to do that.""_

_"Why?"_

_"Oh, Tim," she said, shaking her head. She chuckled, setting her bags down. "Hey, I want to show you something!" she said excitedly, digging through one of the bags._

_"Oh God, how much were they?" he teased._

_Calleigh paused in her search, looking up at him in confusion. "What?"_

_Tim smirked. "Baby, whenever you say something like, 'oh, look what I got today!', it usually means you brought home another pair of shoes that just happened to be $175," he paused, for dramatic effect. "On clearance."_

_Calleigh laughed. "That was one pair of shoes, Tim. And they were really cute."_

_"Yeah, you wore them one time and you had blisters on your feet for two weeks."_

_"I've worn them more than once," she defended herself. _

_"What, like twice?" he smirked._

_"Shut up." She smiled, again digging through the bag. "Here it is!" she said, pulling out a tiny pink outfit. "Isn't it cute?" she practically squealed._

_Tim tilted his head thoughtfully. "Somehow, I don't think that's your size," he teased._

_Calleigh glared. "It's for the baby. I saw it today and I immediately saw our little girl wearing it, and I had to get it. It's so adorable!"_

_Tim simply watched her. "Don't you think it's a little early to be buying clothes for the baby?" he asked without thinking._

_Calleigh's smile faded slightly. "Says you who were eagerly thinking of baby names last week."_

_He shrugged. "I'm just saying; clothes you can pick out from week to week, and if you don't like them, you can take them back. Once we name the baby, she's stuck with that name for life. I think naming her takes precedence over picking out her clothes. Besides, what if she turns out to be a tomboy? What if she's one of those babies who picks at the hem of her dress until it shreds between her fingers?"_

_Calleigh deflated, slightly but visibly. "Well, I just thought it was cute," she said quietly, putting it back in the bag. She sighed, gathering her bags and carrying them toward the bedroom. _

_Tim followed her, feeling suddenly guilty. "Hey, I'm sorry if I upset you," he said quietly, watching her put things away. She wouldn't look at him, and Tim braced himself; just the other day, she'd burst into tears in front of him when he came home from work late. He'd honestly been busy, and the time had just gotten away from him. He hadn't realized it was past midnight until Horatio very nearly forced him out of the building. And just a couple days before that, she'd started crying over a simple, innocent comment he'd made. A simple, innocent comment that under any other circumstance would've prompted a sassy retort from Calleigh, not tears. _

_Excited as he was that Calleigh was carrying his child, Tim still felt for her; what she was already going through. It was only early in the pregnancy, and the hormones were already making it difficult for her. He couldn't stand to see her like this; so out of control of her emotions. He knew just how much she hated that. _

_But as much as he loved her; as much as he felt for her, Tim couldn't help the frustration he felt when she got like this. Not because she got like this, but because whenever it happened, she would shut him out. She retreated within herself; she wouldn't talk to him, and sometimes it was more than Tim could take. _

_Softly he called her name, a pang of that frustration hitting him as she turned away, ignoring him. Warning bells sounded within his head, and Tim knew he had to do something to fix this, quickly. "Calleigh, baby, I'm sorry. I just meant that we have several years ahead of us to be picking out her clothes. I think there's so much more we need to be doing first. Like painting her room, or child-proofing all the outlets, or buying her crib, Calleigh." She mumbled in response, but Tim couldn't decipher it. "Hey, are you okay?" he asked, feeling hurt mixed with a touch of anger._

_"Fine," she muttered. _

_He walked over to her, catching her elbow and turning her to face him. "Hey, talk to me. What'd I do now?" he asked, meaning it teasingly._

_The corner of her mouth twitched, almost imperceptibly. She shook her head. "Nothing," she muttered. She pulled away from him, pushing his hands away when he tried to touch her again. "It's nothing."_

_"Calleigh, if you don't talk to me, how am I supposed to know what's going on? I can't read your mind," he said, frustrated. She didn't answer him, instead doing everything possible to distract herself and avoid his eyes. He had a sudden vision of their daughter, pouting and ignoring him after he'd sent her to her room. With a groan, he realized that if their daughter was anything like Calleigh, it wouldn't be long before he was dealing with this kind of thing everyday. He didn't know if he could take it from both her and Calleigh, regardless of just how much he loved the both of them. "Come on, Calleigh," he said, crossing his arms. "How do you expect to raise a child when you won't grow up?"_

_That did it. Unable to control it, her emotions suddenly shifted to anger; to defensive mode. Standing, she drew herself to her full height, glaring at him. "Grow up? Grow up? Me?" she yelled, incredulous. "I'm not the one who gets up and runs out at three in the morning on a motorcycle, in the pouring rain, driving God only knows just how far above the speed limit trying to get away as fast as possible!"_

_Tim's eyes widened in shock._ _He was honestly stunned; she'd never yelled at him like that before. "Calleigh, that was one time! And I just needed…" he trailed off, afraid of where she was taking this._

_"Exactly!_ _You needed to not be here!" She glared at him, her eyes watering despite the apparent anger in them. "You needed to get away from me! You needed to run away; which you keep telling me is childish and doesn't solve a thing."_

_With a sigh, Tim rubbed his temples, his headache growing by the second. "What did you expect me to do, Calleigh?" he asked, lifting his hands in frustration. "You wouldn't talk to me. You were doing exactly what you're doing now!"_

_"Which would be?" she asked defiantly, crossing her arms._

_"Expecting me to read your mind, and then getting pissed because I can't!"_ _He ran a hand through his hair, suddenly remembering the markings in the newspaper. "I'm guessing that was what you were expecting me to do with the paper too?"_

_Calleigh's expression faded from anger to confusion. "What?"_

_Tim scoffed. "In the paper. The real estate section. You know, where there were only about twelve houses circled in bright red ink. Was any of this ever going to come to my attention? You know, before you decided to move?"_

_"Tim, I was just looking." It was as though the tides had changed; Calleigh's anger had shifted to Tim, and he couldn't control it any more than she could._

_"Yeah well, with you, looking usually leads to buying," he said bitterly. _

_She looked at him, obviously hurt. "Tim, a house is a huge deal. Don't you think I would talk to you before I started seriously thinking about one?"_

_"I don't know, would you?" he retorted._

_"All I was doing was making notes! Houses with a nice backyard, houses in a good neighborhood, with good schools; I was just thinking ahead for our daughter, Tim. You were at work and I was bored yesterday; I was just speculating!"_

_"Is there any other speculation I need to know about?""_

_"Tim, please-"_

_"Calleigh, don't." He held his hands up. "Just…don't."_

_"Tim?" She stared at him, a silent question in her eyes. It astounded her; just moments before they'd been teasing each other, and now they were fighting. It scared her just how easily they'd made that transition. _

_Tim read the question in her eyes. "I'm tired of not knowing what's going on with you. I'm tired of not knowing if I've upset you or something, because you sure as hell won't tell me when I have. I'm tired of not knowing what the hell we're doing."_

_"What do you mean, 'what we're doing'?"_

_"I mean exactly what I said, Calleigh." He raked a hand through his hair, turning away from her. "I don't know if I can keep doing this!"_

_Calleigh threw up her hands. "Then you know what? Why don't you leave again on your precious motorcycle? That seems to solve everything!" she yelled, exasperated, pushing her anger to the surface to hide the fact that her heart was breaking. She knew she was doing exactly what he'd begged her not to do, but she couldn't let him see how hurt she was. If she were truthful with herself, what she wanted to do was simply fall into his arms and cry, but there was no way she was going to let herself do that._

_"Maybe I will!" he blurted without thinking. He certainly couldn't read her mind, but the hurt that flashed through her eyes would have been visible to anybody. Instantly, he regretted it. "Calleigh, I-"_

_"Don't, Tim," she muttered, pushing past him and back out to the living room. _

_"I'm sorry, Cal. I didn't mean to say that."_

_Calleigh scoffed. "Could've fooled me."_

_Tim watched her; it was obvious she was going somewhere. "Where are you going?"_

_"I'm saving you the trouble of leaving."_

_He stared as she took her keys and went toward the door. "It's your apartment, Calleigh!" he called after her. "You're gonna have to come back here sometime!"_

_"Watch me!" she yelled back. With that, she took her keys and her purse and walked out the door, slamming it shut behind her, having no idea where she was going. She knew she was being irrational, childish even. But she just couldn't deal with this right now. _

_Tim groaned, watching her leave. He didn't follow her, even though he desperately wanted to. He knew where she was going, even if she wasn't sure of it herself. He knew there was only one place she would feel comfortable going to right now. It was because there was only one person who knew about them, and so she was the only one Calleigh felt comfortable talking to._

_He sighed; he was really gonna get it from Alexx in the morning. _

----------

Calleigh chuckled, rolling her eyes as she pulled open the front door. "Why didn't you use your key?" she asked, before seeing the face of her visitor. "Oh, Alexx. Hey." She stepped out of the way, allowing Alexx to come in.

"Somebody has a key?" Alexx asked, giving Calleigh an amused look. A grin threatened to break out on her face. "Who?"

Calleigh smiled sheepishly, closing the door. "Oh, nobody. I wasn't thinking," she said avoidantly.

"Mm-hmm."

"You don't believe me?" Calleigh asked, pretending to be offended.

"Honey, I never believe you when you're lying." She laughed. "And trust me, you're a horrible liar." She shook her head, knowing Calleigh wasn't going to divulge. "So, how are you doing?"

Calleigh groaned. "I'm just ready to push this baby out of me," she replied.

Alexx snickered. "Oh honey, I know exactly how you feel." She winked. "And because you're so ready for that, it'll probably be another two weeks before you go into labor," she joked.

"Oh, hush, Alexx," Calleigh said, only half-faking a glare. She tilted her head toward the kitchen. "Come on, I really need to sit down."

"Of course," Alexx said with a laugh. She followed Calleigh to the kitchen, sitting across from her at the table. "So, have you got everything ready for the baby?"

Calleigh smiled. "I think I'm ready, yeah." She looked down, fidgeting with the tablecloth.

"What is it, Calleigh?" Alexx asked softly, picking up on Calleigh's hesitancy.

"I've been thinking lately…"

"About what?"

Calleigh avoided her eyes, biting at her lip. "Just…things…"

"Calleigh?"

Calleigh gave in; knowing that if Alexx knew something was up, she wasn't going to give up until she knew what it was. "I'm just afraid of what I'm going to feel every time I look at her," she confided sadly. Her eyes watered, and she squeezed them shut, trying to force back the tears. "I'm afraid I'm going to see Tim every time I look at her."

Alexx smiled gently. "Calleigh, let me tell you something from experience, okay? When you look at your baby girl, what you will feel is the most intense feeling of love you'll ever feel. She'll become your world, honey, your everything. Everything you do from that point on, you'll want it to be for her." She paused, watching Calleigh, seeing that she still doubted. "She may bring back memories, but that's only natural. After all, she is Tim's child too. I won't lie to you; there will be some amount of pain. But in what life is there not pain?"

Still Calleigh didn't meet Alexx's eyes. "You're right," she mumbled. "I guess."

"I know I'm right. And deep down, you do too. Think back for a moment; think back to that night a few weeks after Timmy died; about a week after you told me. Remember, you called me because you didn't feel that well."

Calleigh nodded. "I remember," she muttered. "My stomach hurt, but it wasn't nausea; at least, not like I was getting used to." She shuddered. "I thought I was…"

"Mm-hmm. You were so worked up about that; you were shaking and nearly in tears, Calleigh. I'd never seen you so scared before."

"And then it turned out to be nothing more than a simple stomach bug," Calleigh finished.

"Yes. Now think for a moment, before the doctor told you it actually was just your stomach." Alexx reached across the table, laying her hand over Calleigh's. "You thought you were losing her. What did you feel then?"

Calleigh hesitated. "Like my world was being ripped away from me all over again," she said quietly.

Alexx nodded. "See, even then, look how much this baby meant to you. Imagine how much she'll mean to you after you see her for the first time."

Silence fell upon them for the moment, and Calleigh fidgeted, suddenly uncomfortable. She hadn't meant to divulge her deepest fear to Alexx; Calleigh wouldn't have told anybody. But with Alexx; there was already so much that Alexx perceived, it was almost as though she knew what you were going to say before you even said it. And then, if you didn't say it, Alexx called you on it.

Either way, Alexx would have figured out why Calleigh was apprehensive, and she would have made Calleigh say it herself before telling her what she knew. Although, knowing that Alexx understood made Calleigh feel a little better about everything. Talking to Alexx always helped.

Standing from her chair, Calleigh smiled down at Alexx. "I'm going to fix a sandwich; I'm starved." She smiled apologetically. "You want anything?"

Alexx shook her head. "Oh no, I'm fine."

Calleigh walked over to the cabinet, pulling out the bread. "Are you," she paused, feeling an odd sensation. "…sure?" She looked down at the floor below her, nearly dropping the bread from her grasp. "Oh my God."

"Calleigh?" Alexx stood, raising an eyebrow."

Calleigh swallowed a few times, gripping onto the edge of the counter as she tried to get a grip on what was happening. "Alexx." She took a few deep breaths. "I think - I think my water just broke."

----------

_Alexx opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again as the doorbell rang. _

_Calleigh raised an eyebrow. "It's kinda late for anybody to be dropping by, isn't it?"  
_

_Biting her lip to hide a smile, Alexx simply nodded. "I'll be right back." Once out of Calleigh's eyesight, she finally allowed herself to smile, knowing exactly who was at the door. She opened the door, noticing immediately that Tim was soaked through. "Timmy, what happened to you?" Alexx whispered, not wanting Calleigh to know he was there just yet. _

_"Rain," he replied bitterly. "Is Calleigh here?"_

_Alexx gave him a stern look. "She is, but she won't exactly tell me what you did."_

_Tim nodded; he hadn't expected Calleigh to tell Alexx why exactly they were arguing. Even though Alexx knew about him and Calleigh, she did not know that Calleigh was pregnant. "We just had a fight," Tim said simply. "Is she alright?"_

_"She's better than she was when she showed up at my door. What exactly were you two fighting about?"_

_Tim sighed. "It's personal, Alexx."_

_Alexx gave him a look, but didn't press the issue. She moved out of the doorway, as though only then remembering that he was wet. "Get in here, Timmy," she ordered, ushering him inside. "You're freezing."_

_He shrugged. "I'm fine," he said indifferently. _

_"Well, all the same, I don't want you catching a cold." She closed the door behind them, telling him to stay put. "I'll tell Calleigh to come out of the kitchen. I'll do my best to take as long as possible to find you a towel," she said with a wink, heading back toward the kitchen._

_"Thanks, Alexx."_

_She smiled back at him. "Just try not to drip all over my floor," she said teasingly, before disappearing through the doorway. Distantly Tim heard her tell Calleigh to go out in the foyer for a moment, but she didn't tell her why. So he expected the surprise in her eyes when she saw him._

_He gave her a cautious smile, feeling guilty as he saw her reddened eyes. "Hey."_

_She stared at him, bypassing the greeting. "Oh God, Tim, you're soaked."_

_"Yeah, that tends to happen when you take a walk in the rain."_

_There was silence for a moment, neither of them feeling able to look at the other._

_"I'm sorry -" they both began at the same time. Calleigh laughed nervously, and Tim ran a hand through his soaked hair._

_"Tim, I'm sorry I keep trying to push you away. And I'm sorry I walked out like that today," Calleigh took the initiative. "It was stupid of me, and maybe you're right. Maybe I do need to grow up."_

_He took a step closer to her. "It's not just you, Calleigh. I do stupid things too, sometimes." He smiled. "Besides, I should know better than to push you, especially as far as your hormones are concerned."_

_Calleigh chuckled lightly. "They're a bitch, aren't they?" She sighed. "I just can't believe how easily I shifted from being in a really great mood into being so angry with you so quickly. I'm so sorry."_

_"I'm sorry too." He shrugged. "I guess that's why I came over here, in the middle of the night in the pouring rain." The corner of his lip twitched, remembering her earlier accusation. "But I think I'm doing better, because I walked instead of riding my bike, and I'm pretty sure I wasn't walking above the speed limit."_

_Calleigh gaped at him. "You walked all the way over here?" she asked softly. "In the rain?"_

_Tim nodded. "It gave me some much needed insight. After all, it told me what I needed to know."_

_"What was that?"_

_He smiled. "I walked the entire way, didn't I?"_

_"Yeah…"_

_He closed the distance, pulling Calleigh into his arms, feeling her wrap her own around him as well, despite the fact that he was still soaked. "I love you, Calleigh. You're the only one that I'd walk miles in the rain to get to."_

_She pressed herself against his body, holding on as tightly as she could. "I love you too," she whispered, not caring that the water from his clothes was soaking her too. The only thing she cared about in that moment was holding onto him as he held her, neither of them wanting to let go. Vaguely she heard Alexx come into the room, letting out an exasperated though amused sigh._

_"I guess I have to go get Calleigh a towel now too."_

----------

Eric smiled, gently brushing her hair away from her face with his free hand. His other hand was currently clutched in Calleigh's death grip, and he was certain it would be bruised for about a week, but that was the farthest thing from his mind right now.

Fourteen hours ago he'd gotten a call from Alexx, telling him Calleigh was in labor. He'd dropped everything when Alexx told him that Calleigh wanted him there with her. Eric had planned on being there anyway, but having Calleigh say that made his heart soar. Upon arriving at the hospital, he'd been frantic, and Alexx had been amused; saying that Eric was more worked up about this than Calleigh was.

And now, holding Calleigh's hand as she went through labor, Eric's heart was pounding. His emotions were so completely mixed up that he had no idea what he was feeling. He couldn't help but be worried; this was Calleigh, he couldn't _not_ worry. Feelings of joy and happiness were also coursing through him, as well as pain, both physical (from Calleigh squeezing his hand) and emotional (from seeing Calleigh herself in physical pain). There was also jealousy. Eric still couldn't put his jealousy to rest. He'd been guilty of imagining this particular scenario in the past, but with Calleigh giving birth to his child, not someone else's. The very fact that this wasn't his child still hurt him.

Pushing away his negative feelings, he put his all into being there for her; rubbing her forehead with a cool washcloth every now and then, talking to her, letting her squeeze his hand. "You're doing great, honey," he said soothingly, watching Calleigh breathe heavily, not even realizing he'd let the 'honey' slip. It just felt natural.

"It hurts, Eric," she whimpered, and Eric flinched. He hated seeing her in such pain, but he knew there was no other way around it.

"I know, Cal, but it'll be over soon. Just push, okay? Just push."

Calleigh nodded tersely, closing her eyes and biting her lip as she pushed, her grip on Eric's hand getting stronger by the second. Eric hoped for both their sakes that she'd have this baby already, so she'd be out of pain, and so Eric wouldn't lose his hand.

The doctor kept giving instructions to Calleigh, but Eric was the only one she heard. "Hear that, Calleigh? Just a little more," he said, repeating what the doctor had just said.

Finally, after fourteen hours of labor, the sound of crying echoed through the delivery room, and Calleigh visibly relaxed, smiling broadly as the doctor announced what Calleigh had known since she'd found out she was pregnant. "You have a beautiful baby girl!"

----------

_Contentedly, Calleigh sighed and rested her head on Tim's chest, feeling him breathe and listening to his heartbeat. "I love you," she murmured sleepily, stifling a yawn. _

_"Love you too," he replied, trailing his fingers up and down her spine, feeling her shiver in his arms. Calleigh shifted, resting her chin on his chest so she could look at him. The last thing she wanted to do right now was go to sleep. _

_She smiled. "Did you think of any good names yet?" she asked quietly._

_Tim gave her a searching look. "You still don't think it's too early to be thinking about that?"_

_Calleigh looked away. "I was thinking about that fight we had a couple weeks ago," she began sheepishly, "and you're right. We do need to spend some time picking a name, since she'll have it for around eighty years." She looked back at him. "I was wondering what you were thinking, since I really never gave you a chance to tell me."_

_He nodded, shifting a bit on the couch. "Well, what about you? What do you like?"_

_Calleigh shrugged. "I don't know; I haven't really thought about it. That's why I wanted to ask you."_

_"Well, for a boy," he began with a smirk, "I think Timothy, Jr. would be appropriate, don't you think?"_

_Calleigh giggled. "I guess it's a good thing both of us believe so strongly that it's a girl."_

_Tim gave her a mock-glare. "Hey, what's wrong with Timothy?"_

_Calleigh smiled. "Nothing, babe, but who really names their kids after themselves anymore?"_

_Tim narrowed her eyes at her, but ignored her. "Fine then, what would you name a boy?" _

_She smiled wistfully, and Tim could see she hadn't been completely truthful before. She had given some thought as to what she'd name her children, though it may not have been recent. "For a boy, I've always loved the name Owen," she said softly._

_Tim smiled. "Owen Timothy Speedle; I like it," he commented, seeing Calleigh roll her eyes at him. _

_"You're just determined to get a kid named after you, aren't you?" _

_He smirked. "What can I say; it's a great name." _

_"You're biased." _

_"Maybe so, but it's still great." He winked at her. "We can save that name for the next one." _

_Calleigh raised an eyebrow. "Next one?" _

_"Well, yeah. Why not?" He grinned. "Why shouldn't we try to keep you pregnant all the time? After all, you're so delightful when you're pregnant," he said with a wink. _

_"I'll show you delightful," she teased, rolling on top of him, as best she could while on the small couch. She kissed him, but pulled back before things could progress. "What about for a girl?" _

_Tim snickered, and Calleigh prepared, knowing he was going to suggest something ridiculous. "Timothianna." _

_"Oh my God," Calleigh said, bursting into giggles. "That's not even a name!" _

_"Exactly. She won't be like all those poor girls in elementary school that share the same name with five other girls," he said, completely straightfaced. _

_Calleigh stopped laughing, simply staring at him. After a moment, he laughed. "I was kidding, baby!" he exclaimed between laughs. "The look on your face was great!" _

_Calleigh swatted him on the arm, laughing again herself. "You're awful," she said. _

_"Seriously though," Tim began after their laughter had died away, "for a girl, I've always loved the name Samantha." _

_"Samantha," Calleigh repeated softly. "It's pretty." She smiled. "And it sounds good. Samantha Speedle." _

_---------- _

"She's beautiful," Eric murmured, staring down at the baby nestled in Calleigh's arms. "She looks just like you."

Calleigh smiled, gently playing with the tiny tuft of blonde hair on her head. "Alexx was right," she murmured. "This makes it all worth it." The baby squirmed slightly, and Calleigh's breath caught in her throat as she saw her baby's eyes for the first time. She didn't keep them open for very long, but it was long enough for Calleigh to see them clearly.

She had Tim's eyes.

Calleigh felt her own eyes burn, but forcibly she pushed back her tears, forcing herself to be in this moment only.

Eric didn't notice her abrupt shift in demeanor. He smiled, unable to stop himself from stroking Calleigh's hair. "Does she have a name?" he asked softly.

Calleigh nodded. "She does." She looked up at Eric, giving him a grateful smile. "I wanted to ask you something first," she said.

"What is it?"

"Eric, I don't know what I'd have done these past few months without you. I mean it; you've really been amazing." She paused, smiling at the baby in her arms. "I was wondering if you'd mind if I made Erica her middle name."

Eric couldn't stop the huge grin that slowly spread across his face. "Erica, huh?" he said softly, feeling absolutely giddy. "I'd be honored." Calleigh nodded, and Eric brought a hand down, gently brushing his knuckle over the baby's cheek. "And her first name?"

Calleigh sighed. There had never been any other name she'd wanted to name her. It was the name Tim picked out, and she couldn't see herself giving her any other name. "Samantha," Calleigh replied quietly, biting her bottom lip as she felt it begin to quiver. Blinking furiously, she fought valiantly against her tears, refusing to let even one slip through.

She hadn't even said the words yet, but the pain that was already ripping through her was unbearable. Her heart was already breaking again, just from the thought of what she was about to do. With a deep breath and a silent apology to Tim, Calleigh spoke.

"Samantha Erica Duquesne."


	9. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine**

It was a temptation he just hadn't been able to resist.

In the month and a half since Sammie's birth, Eric had to admit that he'd been at Calleigh's place more than he'd been at his own. It was to the point where even he had to admit it was more that just for her benefit. It was more than just helping out with Sammie.

He needed this time with her. It'd become like air to him. He needed it, and he couldn't deny that.

It was his day off, and, like most of his other days off in the past two months, he'd planned to spend it with Calleigh. He'd come over that morning, and although he still felt weird about using the key she'd given him, he'd let himself in, quietly closing the door behind him. He'd walked toward the kitchen, pausing in the doorway as an unsuspecting Calleigh wandered around the kitchen, singing gently to the baby in her arms.

He was unsure just how long he stood there before she noticed him. In fact, he half wished she hadn't noticed him, because he knew he could watch the scene before him all day and never get tired of it. Calleigh was beautiful, and to see her in full maternal mode made her just that much more beautiful.

But she had noticed him, and she stopped singing, embarrassed. "Hey," she'd said quietly, a shy smile playing on her lips. "I was just going to put Sammie back in her crib."

Eric smiled. "Have you eaten?" he asked quietly.

Calleigh shook her head. "I was just getting ready to fix something."

Eric shook his head. "Let me."

"Are you sure?"

He'd been more than sure, and he ushered Calleigh out of the kitchen and began to fix breakfast, still smiling at the image of her singing to Sammie.

Eric studied her as they ate, noting that she seemed a little sluggish. "Are you okay?"

She smiled. "Yeah, I'm just a little tired," she'd said, leaving it at that. Eric didn't push.

After breakfast they'd gone into the living room; Calleigh lying on the couch, Eric sitting in the recliner. He'd simply begun talking, about anything and everything. About work, about his family, about the weather. He hadn't even realized it, but halfway through telling her about the latest screw-up that her temporary replacement in ballistics had made, her drowsiness had become too much for her. She'd closed her eyes, still trying to listen, but she'd fallen asleep.

When he noticed, he hadn't been offended in the slightest. He'd known that, even with his constant help, taking care of Sammie was exhausting her. He wasn't upset that she'd fallen asleep; instead he was happy to finally see her actually getting some rest.

Eric had taken it as an opportunity to do something he otherwise would've been unable to do. As she slept on the couch, he'd been drawn to her, taking a seat in the floor next to her. Gently he stroked her hair as she slept, listening to her breathing, hearing her sigh contentedly every now and then.

It was a dangerous feeling. Eric knew that if she were to wake up right then and look at him with her bright green eyes, he wouldn't be able to keep from kissing her. It was dangerous, and he had no idea what to do about it.

He gave a sigh, hearing Sammie start to whimper from her room. He knew within moments it would turn into a full cry, and he didn't want Calleigh to be woken up. So quietly he stood, making his way down the hallway to Sammie's room. "Hey there, Samantha," he said softly, gently reaching into her crib and pulling her into his arms. "Your mommy needs to rest right now, okay?"

Sammie stared at him, her deep brown eyes almost searching. In all the time since Sammie's birth, that had been the first time he'd noticed it. In her eyes there was such a deep familiarity; something that Eric had seen before, but not in Calleigh. Sammie's eyes were quizzical, almost as though she were already demanding answers to unknown questions. He'd seen those eyes before; he knew it. He just couldn't remember from where.

Pushing that mystery away for the moment, he concentrated on gently rocking Sammie in his arms, trying to keep her from crying. Calleigh needed her rest, and Eric didn't want to keep her from getting it. "You're just a cutie, aren't you?" he cooed, gently tapping her nose with his finger. "You look just like your mommy; did you know that?" He grinned, watching Sammie grab at his hand. "That means you're going to be beautiful when you grow up. You'll be beating back the boys with sticks," he said with a chuckle.

He turned, hearing an amused giggle from the doorway. "I wanted to let you get some sleep," he sighed.

Calleigh smiled. "You did." She shrugged. "I was just dozing. I noticed when you left." She walked inside the room, her smile widening as she saw Sammie's smile. "She likes you," Calleigh said softly. "What did you do to keep her from crying?"

Eric looked down at Calleigh. "Nothing, really. I just picked her up and started talking to her."

A flash of what looked to Eric like hurt went through Calleigh's eyes, but it was gone just as quickly as it had come. "I wish I could do that," she said faintly. She saw Eric's look of concern. "She's been crying through the night lately," Calleigh clarified. "And it's like there's nothing I can do to calm her down. I tried feeding her, changing her, just holding her, and nothing works." She gave Eric a cheeky grin, trying to get things back on comfortable ground. "Maybe you should start spending the night here," she joked.

"If I thought it would help you out, I would," Eric said sincerely. He shrugged. "But Sammie's still just a baby. She's supposed to drive you crazy by crying through the night," he said with a wink.

Calleigh reached out, smiling when Sammie grabbed her finger. "Well, she's certainly turning into an expert at that," she said with a chuckle.

Eric grinned. "Just wait 'til she's a teenager. That's when she'll really be driving you crazy."

Calleigh playfully narrowed her eyes. "I intend to savor her sweet years," she said. "I'm not going to think about her being a teenager until I can't avoid it any longer."

Eric chuckled. "It'll be here before you know it."

"I know," Calleigh sighed. "I know."

Eric gave her a soft smile. For a moment there was only silence, broken only by the sounds of Sammie's amused coos. "Why don't you let me take her for the day?" Eric suggested.

Calleigh looked at him. "What do you mean, take her?"

"Let me take her for the day," he repeated. "It'll give you a chance to catch up on some sleep."

"I don't know, Eric…" she said. Calleigh couldn't deny that the idea of sleep sounded wonderful to her, but she didn't know how she felt about letting Eric take Sammie. She hadn't been more than a room away from Sammie since she'd brought her home, and although Calleigh was getting to the point where she'd trust Eric with almost anything, she still wasn't sure how well she trusted anyone other than herself with Sammie.

"Come on, Calleigh," Eric said, almost pleading. "She'll be fine; I'll take care of her."

"I know, Eric; it's just…" She hesitated, shuffling her feet. "I haven't really let her out of my sight yet."

Eric smiled in understanding. "I know, Calleigh. But she'll be fine; we'll have fun! And, like you said, she likes me," Eric added smugly.

Calleigh laughed, feeling her resolve breaking. "That she does," she said, smiling.

"And plus," Eric continued with a grin, "you can lay down and close your eyes. Let your head fall on the cool softness of your pillow. Bury yourself deep within the blankets. You can let yourself fall into a peaceful sleep, and you won't be disturbed for hours."

"Well, when you make it sound _that _good, how can I refuse?" Calleigh replied with an amused giggle. She sighed. "Okay. I trust you. Just, please be careful."

Eric chuckled. "Try not to worry about her. I'll be careful, I promise. He began ushering Calleigh out of the room, hearing Calleigh's few last protests. "Don't worry, Cal, I know where her bag is. I have everything she could possibly need. Now go to bed!"

Calleigh laughed. "Bossy," she teased, though her eyes showed just how grateful she was to him. "Thanks for this, Eric."

"It's nothing," he shrugged.

"No, it's more than that. It means a lot, Eric."

He nodded. "You're welcome, Calleigh. Now go get some rest, okay?"

She obeyed, seeing him and her daughter out the door before she made her way back to her bedroom. Standing still for a moment, Calleigh let out a pensive sigh. Grateful to Eric, she was glad he had given her the chance to rest a little, but at the same time, she just didn't feel right about it. She trusted Eric with her daughter; she just didn't like the idea of being alone in the apartment. It felt empty.

Of course, Calleigh had been alone in her apartment many times over the past several months, but this feeling was different. She knew the apartment was empty, but it really _felt_ empty. She felt alone; cold even, and she shivered. The feeling was very much akin to what she had felt the first time she'd been here alone after Tim died. Even though she knew Samantha was perfectly safe with Eric, it still didn't put that cold feeling to rest.

Slowly, Calleigh walked toward the bed, knowing that she wouldn't get any rest if she stood all day and tried to analyze what she was feeling. Pulling the covers back, she slipped beneath them, a yawn escaping her as her head hit the pillow. Eric was right; Calleigh did need to rest, and within minutes she was out, despite the still nagging feeling of cold loneliness.

----------

_"Hey, babe." _

_Tim looked up, smirking as he watched Calleigh make her way over to him. "Whatever happened to being discreet at work?"_

_Calleigh blinked confusedly. "What'd I do?"_

_Tim snickered. She'd done it without even realizing it. It was quite adorable, really. "You called me babe."_

_"I did not."_

_He stared at her. "You did too! You walked in the room and said 'Hey, babe.'"_

_"When?"_

_"Right now when you walked in the room!" Tim winked, amused. _

_"I don't remember that."_

_"Of course you don't."_

_Calleigh smiled, ignoring him. "Is this the tape from the bank?"_

_"One of them. Unfortunately, the one we really needed got taped over."_

_"Naturally."_

_Tim sighed, pressing the play button. "From this angle we can only see the victim and the murder weapon. We can't actually see the killer."_

_Calleigh opened her mouth, but didn't reply, hearing the door behind them opening. "Calleigh?"_

_"Alexx, hey," she said, watching Alexx walk over to them. _

_"I've been paging you for an hour," she said, looking between Calleigh and Tim. "I got the bullet out of your victim."_

_Calleigh stared at Alexx. Without her realizing it, her hand made its way to the back of Tim's head, gently playing with the hair at the base of his neck. "Our victim wasn't shot, Alexx," she said._

_Alexx raised an eyebrow, watching Calleigh's hand. Tim smirked. "Wrong victim, Calleigh," he muttered, moving his head and shaking her touch off. _

_Realization dawned on Calleigh. "Oh! My other case. Sorry, Alexx, I've just been overloaded with cases lately and I got them confused…" she said, looking at her pager. "And I guess my batteries died in my pager," she said apologetically. "Sorry."_

_Alexx smiled. "It's fine. I bagged it for you and put it on your desk."_

_"Thanks Alexx." She turned back to the tape, once more threading her fingers through Tim's hair, still not realizing she was doing it. _

_Alexx snickered, causing both Tim and Calleigh to look at her. She held up her hands. "Nothing," she replied to the question in their faces. _

_Calleigh looked down at Tim. "I'm gonna go take a look at that bullet. I figure I'll do that since we can't do much with this tape. Call me if you find anything else, 'kay?" He nodded, and with a smile at Alexx, Calleigh was gone._

_Alexx glared at him, though a tiny smile played on her lips. "Was anyone ever going to tell me about the two of you?"_

_"What about the two of us?"_

_"Don't you dare try to play dumb with me," Alexx warned._

_Tim let out a breath, though the corners of his lips twitched. "What gave it away?"_

_Alexx grinned. "She was playing with your hair, Timmy."_

_Tim rolled his eyes, smirking. "God, she knows I can't stand that."_

----------

Calleigh awoke later, surprised not to see the sun shining in her windows. A quick glance at the clock told her it was past eight, and she shot out of bed. She really hadn't meant to sleep that long, but she couldn't deny that she did feel so much better.

She stepped out into the hallway just as Eric was walking out of Sammie's room. He put his finger to his lips, motioning to Calleigh to be quiet. "I gave her a bottle and she went right to sleep in my arms," he explained. "So I just put her in the crib."

Calleigh nodded, and they walked out to the kitchen. He looked at her in the light, smiling. "I take it you slept well?"

Calleigh chuckled. "I don't think I've slept that well in years," she said honestly.

Eric nodded. "You look a whole lot better. More rested."

"I needed it," she said, looking up at Eric. "I know I hesitated at first, but thank you so much for taking her today. I needed that."

"Hey, it was no problem at all. Besides, we had fun."

Calleigh stepped forward, surprising Eric as she wrapped her arms around him, embracing him. "Well, it meant a lot. I don't know what I'd do without you." She paused for a moment, feeling Eric's arms circle her waist. For just a moment, she closed her eyes, allowing herself to simply enjoy how good it felt to be held like that again. She pushed her guilt away, forcing her mind only to concentrate on how good Eric's arms felt. After a moment, she pulled back, but not before pressing a kiss to Eric's cheek, letting her lips linger a little longer than she should have. Slipping out of his arms, Calleigh met his gaze; his eyes were unreadable, but the look still sent a shiver down her spine. Uncomfortable, she turned away, starting some coffee. "So what did you and Sammie do today?" she asked, hoping to dissolve some of the tension.

Eric sighed, leaning against the counter. "I took her by Marisol's," he chuckled, "and she immediately fell in love with Sammie. She wanted me to tell you that anytime you need a babysitter, to give her a call. But I'd watch Sammie around her; Mari might steal her."

Calleigh laughed. "I'll keep that in mind."

"You know, I felt left out from the minute I got there until we left," he joked. "Marisol ignored me the whole time. Even when Sammie took a nap, Mari was all over that little girl."

"Aww, poor Eric didn't get any attention," Calleigh teased. "It's not your fault though; Sammie's just cuter than you."

"Beaten by a six week old," he groused. Calleigh laughed.

"Actually, she's almost seven weeks. Give her some credit," she said with a wink, patting Eric's arm. "So what else did y'all do today?"

"We went by the lab to say hello to everybody. That was pretty uneventful, although," Eric paused, grinning, "Sammie did try to steal Horatio's sunglasses."

Calleigh laughed. "What'd he do?"

Eric laughed as well. "He was just amused. Thought it was cute. Anyway, after that, we still figured you needed some more time to sleep, so I took Sammie to the park and gave her a bottle, and then we just watched the birds and the people and everything until she started to get sleepy. And then we came back here." He smiled, remembering something. "Oh yeah, Alexx said she's throwing you a welcome back party before you come back to work in two weeks."

"That woman and her parties," Calleigh remarked with a laugh.

"Yeah, and she also told me that you're not allowed to say no."

"Like I'd ever miss one of Alexx's parties." She sighed, looking at the clock. "Listen, I want to thank you again for today."

"Yeah, and I'm going to tell you again that it was really no problem," Eric replied with a smile. He followed her eyes to the clock on the wall, knowing he had to work in the morning but not wanting to leave. He knew he had to, though. "It's getting late; I should probably go," he said quietly.

Calleigh nodded. "Okay." If she were honest with herself, she didn't want him to go. But it wasn't something she could dwell on for long without feeling guilty about it. "Thanks, Eric; not just for today, but for everything."

"Anytime, Cal," he said sincerely, gazing deep into her eyes. "Anytime." He took a step closer to her, suddenly feeling the overwhelming need to kiss her goodnight. He'd felt it before, just not in this intensity. He reached out, brushing a strand of blonde hair back from her face.

Calleigh's breath caught in her throat, and instinctively she closed her eyes, leaning into his touch. "Eric…" she murmured, feeling him growing closer to her.

"Hmm?" he whispered, touching his forehead to hers. She looked up at him, and Eric was blown away by the emotion in her eyes. It mirrored everything he felt for her; only there was another emotion there. Guilt? Why did she feel so guilty about this? He pushed that thought away for the moment, overtaken by the need to feel her lips against his. "Calleigh," he whispered, and she shivered, feeling his breath on her face. He leaned in, only to pull away again as the unmistakable sound of crying filtered in from the direction of Sammie's room.

Calleigh blushed, trying to catch her breath. She'd been caught completely off guard by the wave of sensation Eric had caused in her, and he'd barely even touched her. This wasn't right; it wasn't supposed to be like this. She backed away from Eric, needing to put space between them. "I should - I should go - Sammie," she stuttered, gesturing in that general direction.

Eric nodded, feeling let down. "Okay. I'm going to go," he said. "I'll see you tomorrow at lunch, alright?"

"Yeah, okay, Eric," she said, still trying to get a grip on herself. "I'll see you." She turned and nearly sprinted out of the kitchen and into Sammie's room, taking her from the crib and gently rocking her. Calleigh didn't relax until she heard the front door close, and only then did her heart and mind stop racing. "What am I doing, Samantha?' she whispered to the baby. Sammie looked back at her with those big dark eyes; Tim's eyes, and Calleigh was again hit with a surge of cold guilt.

Eric was her best friend. He'd always been her best friend. This was _not _supposed to be happening.

Especially not now.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Chapter Ten**

The doorbell rang just as she was putting the finishing touches on her makeup. She winced slightly, hoping the sound wouldn't wake Sammie. The apartment seemed to remain quiet, so Calleigh assumed she was still sleeping. Taking one last look in the mirror, Calleigh left the bathroom, making it to the door just as Eric was about to ring the bell again.

"Hey, where's your key?" she asked, smiling at him as she let him in.

"You know I still feel weird using it sometimes," he said sheepishly. "This was one of those times."

She grinned. "Well, just as long as you didn't lose it somewhere," she said, closing the door. "I don't want some strange person to pick up my key or something."

Eric laughed. "Oh no, I've got it," he said, pulling it out and showing it.

"Then use it!" Calleigh laughed.

Eric shrugged in response. In reality, Calleigh was glad that just because he had a key, he didn't feel like he could just barge in without an invitation. It was sweet of him.

"Marisol was running a little late tonight," Eric said, taking the chance to glance over Calleigh. His heart sped up as he looked her over, seeing that though she was getting back to where she'd been before Sammie, she still had gorgeous curves in just the right places, and her dress managed to hug each one of them perfectly. Her makeup was perfect as usual, and her hair flowed down around her shoulders, mostly straight but with a bit of a wave here and there. She looked amazing.

Eric had no idea how he was going to make it through the night with her looking like that. He swallowed, taking a deep breath. That too turned out to be a bad idea, as it brought to his senses the scent of her perfume. When he spoke again, he was surprised it came out as actual words rather than just an undignified squeak. He cleared his throat. "She'll be here in a little bit," he said, still referring to Marisol.

Calleigh smiled brightly. "That's okay. I'm sure Alexx won't mind if we're fashionably late," she teased, laughing.

Eric smiled tightly. It was good to see her cheerful again, but it was hard to keep his own emotions in check. He was glad that it was less than five minutes before Marisol arrived, easing some of the discomfort he felt. He opened the door for his sister, watching as she rushed right in past him.

"Wow, you look great, Calleigh!" Marisol said enthusiastically. "You can barely tell you were even pregnant!"

Calleigh rolled her eyes, smiling nonetheless at the compliment. "Listen, Marisol, thanks again for watching Sammie tonight."

Marisol waved a hand dismissively. "Calleigh, hush, it's not a problem at all. From what I've seen, she's the sweetest little girl ever." She gave Calleigh a bright smile.

"Well, you may think differently after this evening," Calleigh said. "She's been fussy lately." She looked over at Eric. "You know, I really don't even feel comfortable going tonight, considering how much she's been crying. Nothing really seems to appease her." She shrugged, a tiny smile playing at the corner of her lips. "She's stubborn, not unlike her father."

Marisol didn't react, but Eric tilted his head, looking at Calleigh questioningly. Her eyes widened as she realized too late her slip. Knowing Eric had caught it as well, she avoided his eyes, opting to change the subject again. "You know, I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't go…"

Marisol took a hold of Calleigh's shoulders. "Calleigh, listen to me. Sammie will be fine, I promise you. Besides, look at you! All dressed up and beautiful; you can't just stay home tonight. It's time for you to get out and catch up, Cal," Marisol said convincingly.

Calleigh sighed. "I guess you're right." She couldn't deny that it felt good to dress up and spend time on her hair and makeup. It'd been awhile since she'd really had the chance to be girly, and she'd enjoyed it earlier while she was getting ready. Now, though, the novelty had worn off a little.

"Well, I know I'm right, so grab your purse and get out of here!" Marisol said with a laugh.

Calleigh chuckled. "Okay, okay. I'm going. Just let me say goodbye to my baby first," she said, beginning to move down the hall. Quietly she slipped into her daughter's room, letting her smile drop as she leaned her head against the wall for a moment. She closed her eyes, letting out a sigh.

She really didn't want to go tonight.

She really didn't want to do anything.

Having watched her make her way down the hall, Eric turned back to Marisol once Calleigh had disappeared. "Thank you so much, Mari," Eric said, giving his sister a grateful look.

She shrugged. "Like I told Calleigh, it's not a big deal. You know I adore kids. And Sammie's adorable," she cooed.

Eric shook his head. "No, I mean for convincing Calleigh to go." He grinned. "She would've stood there and argued with me for a year."

Marisol smiled. "She and I are both women. I know how her mind works." She took a step closer to Eric, smoothing out his shirt. "Don't you own an iron or anything?"

"Mari!"

She laughed, clasping her hands behind her back. "I'm sorry! It just kills me to see my handsome brother go out with wrinkles in his shirt." She winked. "Your boyish charm only goes so far to cover up your appearance," she teased.

"Mari."

"Okay, fine, I'll leave you alone!"

Eric narrowed his eyes at her. "Good."

"Just let me give you some advice, okay?"

Eric sighed. "What is it?"

Marisol grinned. "Tell Calleigh she looks beautiful. Make sure you tell her more than once, okay?"

"Why?"

Marisol laughed at her clueless brother. "Because it'll make her feel good, and if she feels good, she'll have a good time, and she won't be looking at her watch every ten minutes wondering if she should be making her way home yet." She patted Eric on the arm. "Make her feel good. Make her feel special. She already looks beautiful, but make her feel beautiful."

Eric laughed. "Mari, she's not my girlfriend."

Marisol gave him a serious look. "But you want her to be."

"Hey, I never said that."

"You didn't have to." She winked. "Your words may not say it, but everything else about you betrays you. Your body language, the way you talk around her, the way you look at her. Everything about you screams that you want her."

Eric avoided her eyes. "Is it that obvious?" he asked meekly.

"Not to someone who doesn't know you too well." Marisol smiled reassuringly. "But I'm your sister; I know everything about you." She lowered her voice. "And I know you've been pining after Calleigh for years. And don't you even deny it, Eric," she said as Eric opened his mouth.

He closed it obediently, leaning against the wall. "I don't know what to do," he replied defeatedly.

"Well, here's a novel idea. Why don't you tell her?"

"It's not that simple, Mari," Eric replied with a sigh, though he really wanted to shake her, asking if she was crazy.

"Sure it is." She took a step away from him. "It's like this, Eric. You walk up to her," she said, walking back to Eric, "and you say, 'Calleigh, I like you.'" She took in Eric's skeptical look. "Or maybe in your case, 'Calleigh, I _love_ you.'"

"Mari!"

Marisol ignored him. "Okay, maybe it's not _that_ easy, but you get the idea. You'll figure something out." She sighed, looking at the clock. "What is taking her so long? You two are going to be late!"

"Yeah, we are," Eric murmured, beginning to move down the hall.

"No, I'll get her," Marisol interrupted with a smile.

Eric glared. "Don't you tell her anything, Mari."

Marisol laughed. "Don't worry, baby brother, I won't." She shook her head in amusement as she made her way down the hall. Coming to Sammie's room, Marisol knocked softly on the door. "Calleigh? I think Eric's getting a bit impatient," she said with a smile.

Quickly Calleigh caught herself, hiding that Marisol had startled her. She smiled apologetically. "Sorry," she whispered, holding Sammie in her arms. "It's just, other than letting Eric take her, this is the first time I've left her. I'm just worried, that's all."

Marisol touched Calleigh's arm. "She'll be fine. Go enjoy yourself tonight." She watched Calleigh holding Sammie for a moment, biting her lip. "You and Eric are pretty close, aren't you?"

"We're friends. He's been right there beside me through everything. Of course we're close."

"Hmm."

Calleigh looked at Marisol. "What?"

Marisol shook her head, a tiny smile on her face. "Nothing."

"If you say so." Calleigh sighed, giving Sammie a kiss. "I love you, Samantha. Be good for Marisol," she cooed, gently placing her into Marisol's waiting arms.

"Oh, I'm sure she'll be perfect," Marisol replied, a wide smile on her face. Holding the baby at her side with one arm, she gently took the baby's hand in her free hand. "Say bye-bye to Mommy," she said, gently waving the baby's hand.

Calleigh chuckled, reaching out and brushing her fingers through the short blonde hair on Sammie's head. Looking down, her eyes met her daughter's, and Calleigh's breath caught in her throat. It startled her; the look in Sammie's eyes was almost accusing. It was almost as though she were looking straight into Tim's eyes; it was almost as though he were still right there with her and could see completely through her. Guiltily she bit her lip for a moment, feeling even less like going to Alexx's with Eric tonight. Knowing that neither of them would go for that, Calleigh forced herself to shake it off and put a smile back on her face. "Bye, sweetie," she said to her daughter, then turned to Marisol, smiling. "Okay, I'm gone. You've got my cell number; if she gets too fussy, give me a call and I'll come home."

"Okay, I will," Marisol said. "But I'm sure she'll be just fine. Now go! Go!" she said, practically pushing Calleigh from the room.

"Okay, okay!" Calleigh laughed. "I'm gone!" Grabbing her purse, she made her way back out to the living room, seeing Eric waiting for her. "Sorry," she said sheepishly.

He smiled. "It's okay. You ready?"

"Yeah," she replied less than enthusiastically. Mentally she kicked herself, hoping Eric didn't pick up on that.

He didn't seem to. Eric held the door for her, closing it behind them. "Marisol's right," he said, looking over at her as they walked to his car.

"Huh?"

"You do look beautiful tonight."

Calleigh smiled shyly, blushing. "Thank you," she said quietly.

"I mean it," he said sincerely, opening the car door for her. She smiled at him as she slid into the passenger side. He climbed in beside her, starting the car. The ride was a quiet one; Eric concentrated on driving, while Calleigh's mind was still with Sammie.

Throughout most of the evening, that was where her mind stayed. She made an effort to talk and mingle with people she hadn't seen in awhile, catching up with everyone from work, but she just wasn't that into it.

"You look a bit distracted."

Calleigh turned, startled. "Horatio, hey," she said with a smile, forced though it was. She shrugged. "Well, I guess I am a little distracted. I just feel a little odd leaving Samantha, that's all. But other than that, I'm good." She touched his arm. "What about you? I feel like I haven't talked to you in years."

"I'm okay, you know, about the same." He shrugged. "It's good to see you again."

"You too," she replied. "It'll be good to be back at work."

Horatio chuckled. "Well, it'll be good to have our Bullet Girl back. "We've missed your expertise, Cal," he said. "We've missed you." He looked across the room. "I'm going to have a word with Frank and then I'm probably going to just head on home; so I'll see you at work next week," he said.

"Alright." She smiled as Horatio left, looking around the room herself. She spotted Alexx and made her way over to her. "Hey, Alexx? I'm gonna step outside and get some fresh air, okay?"

Alexx gave her a concerned look. "You feeling okay?"

"Yeah, I just need a quiet moment." Alexx nodded, and Calleigh walked out onto the deck, breathing in the cool night air.

She fidgeted with her cell phone, debating whether or not to call Marisol to see how Sammie was. She couldn't help being worried; after all, it was the first time she'd left her daughter. She stood there for a moment, just staring out into the night, a frown on her face.

"She'd call you if anything happened."

Looking over her shoulder, she saw Eric watching her. She smiled. "I know…it's just…"

"You worry."

"Yeah."

He walked up beside her, leaning on the railing. "She's in great hands, Cal."

"I know."

He reached out, gently rubbing her back. "You know, somehow I always knew you'd be great at this," he said.

"At what?"

He chuckled. "Being a mother. You're great at it."

Calleigh flinched. "I wish I felt that way," she sighed.

Tilting his head, Eric watched her, concern flowing through him. "What do you mean, Calleigh? You're doing great." Her silence prompted him to reach out to her, tilting her face toward his.

She met his eyes and promptly stepped back, shrugging off his touch. "It's nothing," she muttered, fidgeting with her bracelet.

Biting his lip, Eric resisted the urge to move closer to her. She was poised for flight; Eric knew that one wrong move would send her rushing away from him. Instead he watched her, hands in his pockets in an effort not to reach out to her again. "Calleigh."

"Really, Eric, it's nothing," she said, knowing how completely unconvincing she sounded. Her eyes darted to the doorway, seeking an escape. "I'm gonna head back inside," she murmured, almost to herself.

She'd barely taken one step when she felt Eric's hand on her wrist, stopping her in her tracks. Looking up at him, she wanted to tell him to let her go; to leave her alone, but the words just wouldn't come. Calleigh glanced to the side, swallowing nervously. "Eric…"

"Talk to me, Calleigh," he implored softly, searching for her eyes.

_"Talk to me, Calleigh."_

Calleigh stared at him, those four simple words setting off such a torrent of emotion inside of her. She never really liked to talk about her emotions, so she was no stranger to hearing those four words; in fact, she'd actually grown kind of used to hearing them.

It was just, usually it was Tim that she heard them from. Usually it was Tim who, with those four words and an 'I love you,' had her opening up to him. Usually it was Tim.

And now, hearing them from Eric; it was as though he now possessed the ability to open that dam deep within her and have her spill her greatest fears to him. He wasn't supposed to be able to do that. And yet, somehow he was.

Staring into his deep brown eyes, she saw the concern he didn't bother to mask. A shiver raced down her spine, and Calleigh forced her eyes away, wanting to wrap her arms around herself, but unable to since Eric still held her arm.

She was scared. Calleigh found herself _wanting_ to talk to Eric, and that scared her. Her bottom lip quivered, and she bit it, feeling weak.

But Eric saw it, and his heart broke for her. It was indescribable; just how badly he wanted to pull her into his arms and promise her that everything would be okay. He wanted so badly to fix whatever was wrong; to put a genuine smile back on her face. Standing before him, she looked so fragile in that moment, so small; and Eric just wanted to protect her from the world.

Still, though it tore him apart inside, he held back, knowing how Calleigh would react. "Cal…"

Calleigh breathed, slowly calming herself down. "I'm okay…" she whispered, nodding her head. "I'm okay."

Eric raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You sure?"

She nodded again, tersely. "Yeah. I just need…"

_I just need Tim._

She turned away from Eric, again leaning over the deck railing. "I'm okay. I'll be fine."

Eric sighed, unconvinced, but he knew the subject was closed. Silently he took the spot next to her, again rubbing her back in soothing circles.

Calleigh closed her eyes and exhaled deeply, grateful that Eric didn't push her. She wanted to talk to him, she really did; but at the same time…she didn't. She was so confused. Knowing that thinking about it would only confuse her more, Calleigh instead concentrated on the feel of his hand on her back, letting herself enjoy just how good it felt. But that in itself brought on more confusion, simply because Eric wasn't Tim, and therefore he wasn't supposed to make her feel good.

She groaned inwardly, frustrated. Frustrated, confused, and a myriad of other emotions that she couldn't name. Defiantly she pushed them all away, choosing instead to concentrate on something logical, something she understood. Something that made sense, and so she stood, eyes closed, counting silently each time Eric's hand made a full rotation on her back. It was something predictable, and by concentrating on that, she felt herself calming again; relaxing. Letting out a sigh, she opened her eyes again, staring wistfully into the night. "Thank you, Eric," she murmured, almost inaudibly.

He blinked, the movement of his hand pausing for a split second. "For what?"

Calleigh shrugged. "Everything."

Eric grinned. "Even the part where I'm annoyingly protective of my best friend?"

Despite herself, Calleigh managed a giggle. "Yes, even that, Eric. Even that."

She gazed at him, finding herself lost in his dark eyes. He inched closer, feeling Calleigh tense slightly but relax again. His mind once more drifted to the advice Marisol had given him earlier, and he found himself smiling at her as he spoke. "You're beautiful, you know?"

Calleigh giggled again, feeling the tension fade somewhat. "You said that earlier."

He shrugged. "Thought I should say it again."

She smiled shyly, looking down at the ground. "Well, thank you, again," she replied, feeling the heat rising in her cheeks.

He didn't reply. He watched her, catching her eyes again after a moment. His heart pounded, and it was then he realized their closeness. She'd been almost uncomfortably close to him all evening, but for the first time, he was acutely aware of it. Eric could feel the heat from her body; he could feel every tiny move she made. It was too much; he couldn't resist the temptation any longer.

The urge that had been building for years had finally reached the point where it would no longer be ignored. Gently he reached out, sliding a lock of her hair behind her ear, watching her nervously nibble at her bottom lip. He glanced back up, into her verdant eyes, and that was it. He couldn't stop it. Softly he whispered her name once more before he leaned closer to her, hesitating a little, giving Calleigh the chance to stop him.

She didn't.

Closing what remained of that agonizing distance, Eric tentatively brushed his lips over hers, kissing her softly.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Chapter Eleven**

Calleigh's eyes widened in surprise. Caught off guard, a kiss had been the last thing she expected. Surprised though she was, however, she didn't pull away. The rush of physical feeling that erupted within her blinded her; it froze her, and she found herself unable to move at all, save for the pounding of her heart.

She had never really been one to second-guess her instincts. But the physical aspect of this long-forgotten feeling was rendering her ears deaf to instinct. Instead of running, she stayed.

It went against _everything _she'd known up to that point.

Breaking the kiss, Eric pulled back only slightly, resting his forehead against hers. Calleigh stared at him, surprised to find her hand on his cheek. Unconsciously she licked her lips, breathing heavily. Tilting her head downward, she closed her eyes, trying to figure out what was going on here. Too many different conflicting thoughts; conflicting emotions were running through her; she couldn't decipher any of them.

The only thing she was sure of was what she wanted in that moment.

Calleigh looked up at him, realizing her hand still rested on his cheek. "Eric…" she whispered, barely getting his name into the air before her lips were back on his, kissing him deeply. She felt his arms encircle her body and pull her closer, and she couldn't stop the tiny moan that sounded from her throat.

It was as though in one moment, every feeling that had been numb for months was being reawakened. It was too much, too fast; everything was meshing together and all Calleigh could discern was how long it had been; how good it felt. Beyond that feeling, she was lost.

Her hand slipped to the back of his neck, threading through his short hair as his lips slid against hers. She shivered, pushing herself closer to him, needing more of him. It'd been so long since she'd felt these feelings, since she'd felt this rush of need, of want.

So lost was she in the physical sensations that her mind failed to register that this was wrong. That this wasn't Tim.

Her heart realized it, though. Her heart picked up on every little nuance that was lost to her mind, to her body. The way Eric's lips felt different against her own than Tim's. How Eric's hands rested a little higher on her waist than Tim's did. How different Eric's hair felt between her fingers. How Tim's kisses made butterflies flutter about in her stomach; made her dizzy.

And Eric's did not. Not in the same way, at least.

The sound of an obviously fake cough permeated the silence, and, startled, Calleigh took a step back, breaking all contact with Eric. She glanced toward the door, a deep blush tinting her cheeks as she noticed Alexx standing in the doorway. Unable to keep eye contact with Alexx, Calleigh quickly looked away, finding herself also unable to bear looking at Eric. So she did the only thing that made sense at the time.

She ran.

"I think…I think I'm going to head back inside," she murmured hastily, wrapping her arms around herself and making her way to the door, without looking at either Eric or Alexx. She would admit; earlier she'd been caught up in the moment. But now the moment was over, and she just wanted as much space between them as possible. It'd be safer that way.

Watching Calleigh very nearly sprint her way back inside the house, Alexx gave a concerned sigh. She couldn't help but worry. While Calleigh really hadn't been herself since Tim had died, she had been getting better. But now, to Alexx, Calleigh just really didn't seem like she was doing too well.

Pushing that from her mind, she purposefully approached Eric on the deck, a bit of a warning in her eyes. Alexx was protective; she'd already seen Calleigh broken once; she couldn't bear to see that again. "What are you doing, Eric?" she asked, her voice low.

Eric blinked in surprise, shrinking back slightly. He'd seen Alexx serious before; he'd seen her warn people, but it'd never been him. He'd never really had Alexx upset with him before. "Alexx…?"

Alexx sighed, looking out into the night. "I'm gonna be blunt with you, okay? Don't do this to Calleigh, Eric," she said quietly. Reading Eric's silence as confusion, she continued. "I'm not gonna sit back and watch Calleigh open up to someone, just to end up falling apart again. I'm tired of watching her pretend to be strong when all she wants to do is collapse under the pressure." She gave Eric a long look. "I don't want to see her hurt again. It killed me to watch her those few months after Tim died."

Eric tilted his head, confused. "What does Speed have to do with Calleigh?"

Alexx's eyes widened, though quickly she hid her shock. She knew Calleigh didn't like to talk about this, but Alexx was stunned that she hadn't told Eric about her and Tim. She caught herself quickly, however. "Tim and Calleigh were very close; they were friends, and they'd worked together for years before you ever came to CSI. They were once so close, Eric, and though she kept up a strong outer shell, losing such a close friend like that nearly killed her."

Eric let that set in, fairly certain there was more to it, but he didn't question Alexx, to her relief. It was Calleigh's place to tell him, not hers.

Exhaling deeply, Eric leaned over the railing, staring at the ground below. "I don't want to see her hurt either, Alexx," he said quietly, after a moment. "That's the last thing I want." He shuffled his feet slightly, a sad smile flitting across his face. "I think…I think I'm in love with her, Alexx. I think I have been for years."

Alexx nodded slowly. "I thought so."

Eric chuckled slightly. "Not you too. I just argued with Marisol about that earlier tonight."

Alexx laughed, gently patting Eric's back. "Oh honey. You'd be surprised how much I know about you." Again she sighed, subtly turning the conversation back in a serious direction again. "Eric…" she hesitated.

"Alexx?" Eric watched her closely. Alexx didn't hesitate; she said what she needed to say. For her to hesitate like this, it had to be something big. Or something she was uncomfortable saying. Either way, she had Eric's attention.

"Eric," she began again, looking at him seriously. "I don't want to see Calleigh hurt again. I don't." She paused, letting out a deep breath. "But Eric…I don't want to see you hurt either."

She didn't elaborate, leaving Eric slightly confused. But he simply nodded, turning his back to the rail. "I'll be fine," he said simply.

Alexx wasn't so sure about that, but she kept quiet. After all, there was always a chance that things would turn out okay. Maybe there was a deeper bond than friendship there; maybe it was strong enough to withstand the coming storm. Silently she hoped it would be; after all, she did want to see both Eric and Calleigh happy.

After a few more moments, the two of them headed back inside; Eric's eyes immediately scanning the room for Calleigh. He sighed as he found her. His eyes met hers briefly before she snapped her head down, staring at the floor. Eric ran a hand through his hair, hoping she'd talk to him later. For now, he'd leave her alone.

It wasn't much later when Calleigh found Alexx, feeling anxious to get home. "Thanks so much for tonight," she said with a smile, albeit forced. "I'm ready to get home to my little girl, but I really did need to get out tonight."

Alexx couldn't help but hear the sadness in her voice. "What's the matter, honey?"

"It's nothing, really," Calleigh insisted, shaking her head.

Alexx looked at her, knowing her better than that. "Come here," she said, gently leading Calleigh to sit down. "Now what is it?"

"It's just…" Calleigh sighed. "I love Sammie; God I love her with everything I am. But I -" she shook her head. "This sounds awful even in my head." Alexx gently touched her arm, urging her to continue. "It's just, she's crying all the time lately, and it's just starting to get to me. I can't make her stop. But if Eric or his sister or anybody else picks her up, she stops crying almost immediately." She shuddered slightly, closing her eyes. "It's bad enough that I can't keep my own baby happy. But every time I look at her, I see Tim."

'Oh, honey," Alexx said sympathetically.

"She has his eyes. It's crazy just how identical her eyes are to his." She shrugged. "Sometimes it's too much, and I don't know what to do. Especially when she starts crying and I can't do anything to calm her down."

"She's just going through that crying stage, Calleigh. She'll get through it, and it'll get better. I promise."

"Are you sure? Because I hate feeling so helpless like that."

"Calleigh, have I told you anything wrong yet?"

Calleigh looked away. "You're right," she sighed. "I'm sorry. I just…sometimes I feel like I just can't do this."

Alexx watched her carefully, knowing her earlier concerns weren't based on nothing. "Calleigh, are you sleeping okay?" she asked gently, expecting the confused look she received in concern.

"How did we get to that?"

"Just humor me, Calleigh. Are you sleeping at night? And don't lie, 'cause I'll know if you are."

A tiny smile teased the corner of her lips before she answered, not meeting Alexx's eyes. "You know I haven't slept very well since…it happened," she said quietly.

"Calleigh, hon, right now I'm just concerned about how you've been since you had Samantha," Alexx said quietly though pointedly. "I think you may have a bit of post-partum depression," she added cautiously.

Calleigh lifted her head, staring at Alexx incredulously. "Alexx, I'm not depressed."

"You wouldn't tell me if you were."

"Alexx, I'm not depressed," she repeated, a little more forcefully. "I may be tired, overwhelmed, and lonely, but I'm not depressed, not medically."

Alexx watched her intently, and, uncomfortable, Calleigh glanced away, only to see Eric making his way over to them. Her mind flashed back to the kiss they'd shared on the deck earlier. Closing her eyes in mortification, she rested her head in her hands, feeling nothing less than deserving of the crushing guilt.

She'd kissed Eric.

She'd _wanted_ it.

She'd betrayed Tim.

The thought made her stomach churn violently, and she tensed visibly, feeling absolutely horrible.

She'd kissed Eric. She'd kissed him, and her mind would not stop replaying it. And each time it flashed through her mind, the fact that was made crystal clear to her was not the fact that she had kissed him, but that she'd wanted it. She had wanted it, and it was enough to make her physically ill.

Eric crouched down, laying a hand on Calleigh's shoulder. "Cal? Are you alright?"

"I think she's just tired," Alexx answered for her. "I think a little sleep is all she needs."

Calleigh shot a grateful look at Alexx before she turned to Eric. "Hey."

"You look ready to get home," Eric commented. "Want me to take you?"

Calleigh smiled, feeling guilty just for that action. She was so confused. Just moments before, she'd felt indescribably horrible about kissing him, but now, with him so close to her, she wanted to do it again. Calleigh couldn't figure out how he did that to her. Eric was her best friend; she was not supposed to be feeling this way toward him.

Still, she nodded and accepted his outstretched hand, pulling herself up from the couch.

Alexx smiled. "Okay, well, I guess I'll see both of you at work on Monday." She and Calleigh stood, and Alexx embraced her. "Just give everything some time, and it'll get easier," Alexx whispered in her ear.

Calleigh nodded. "Thanks Alexx." She took her purse and began to head toward the door.

Eric started to follow her, but Alexx caught his arm, giving him a serious look.

"Take care of her, Eric."

**----------**

"You okay?" Eric glanced over at Calleigh, worried when she didn't answer. His concern was growing for her; she'd been quiet around him ever since they'd been alone on the deck. Ever since he'd kissed her.

He was wondering if he'd made a mistake.

But Calleigh had responded to him. She'd kissed him back, just as fervently; just as desperately as he'd kissed her. Silently he cursed the night; under the cover of darkness, Eric couldn't get a good enough look at her face to decipher what she was feeling and thinking. Not that he'd be able to read her anyway since, inevitably, this was a time she didn't want him to read her.

Eric was confused. Confused, and more than a little hurt. Inwardly, he gave a bitter chuckle. He was putting so much in to trying to read Calleigh that he couldn't figure out what he himself was feeling. Ever so gently he reached out to her, touching her arm. "Calleigh?"

"I'm fine," she said distractedly, still gazing out the window into the dark night.

"You sure? 'Cause you're awfully quiet."

"Eric, I'm just tired!" she snapped, immediately regretting it. She closed her eyes, lowering her head. "I'm sorry," she whispered. It wasn't his fault she was frustrated.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "It's okay."

Calleigh shook her head. "No, no it's not, Eric." She rubbed her eyes, feeling suddenly overwhelmed. "I shouldn't have snapped. You've been nothing but amazing, and you deserve more than that. I'm sorry. I guess I'm just tired and I've got a lot on my mind."

Eric smiled warmly. "Want to talk about it?" he asked softly, though already knowing the answer.

"No. It's nothing you need to worry about." She leaned her head against the window, closing her eyes.

"But I do worry," Eric murmured to himself. "More than you know." He reached over, gently clasping her hand in his.

----------

_He took her hand, his eyes showing nothing but deep understanding; love. With his other hand he rubbed her back reassuringly, silently urging her to talk to him. "Why were you afraid?" he asked softly. It was so hard for him to stay calm and listen to her right now, when all he wanted to do was jump up and cheer; he was that excited. _

_Calleigh shrugged, avoiding his eyes. "I don't know," she muttered._

_"Come on, honey. Talk to me."_

_Calleigh sighed, looking at him for the first time. "It was overwhelming at first, I guess. For that first hour I felt powerless. I just felt like everything had been ripped out of my control. I was already scared, but then the thought of telling you scared me even more."_

_Tim didn't interrupt; he simply squeezed her hand in reassurance._

_Calleigh continued. "It was just so soon, you know?" She hesitated, fighting with the words in her mind. "You and me; we'd just gotten to the point where we both voiced the fact that we wanted more than just the great sex." A tiny smile broke out on her face. "Where we actually wanted to _be_ with each other." She sighed, resting a hand over her tummy. "I knew this wasn't something you particularly wanted."_

_He stared at her. "Calleigh, baby, if only you knew how much self-control it's taking for me not to run out of here and scream to everybody that we're having a baby," he said, a rare smile finally breaking out across his face. He lay his hand atop hers on her abdomen, squeezing gently._

_Calleigh laughed softly, shaking her head. This man; his complete understanding, his devotion, his love never ceased to amaze her. There was no way she deserved him. "I know that now, but I was still scared how you'd react when I told you. I was scared enough myself," she said with a nervous chuckle. Her voice dropped drastically, and she closed her eyes, mumbling softly. _

_Tim moved closer to her, tilting her chin up with his fingers. He gazed deeply into her green eyes, feeling his heart clench at the burst of pain he saw in her eyes. Did she not want this? Did she not want a child with him? "Cal?"_

_"I've - I've been through this before," she muttered, closing her eyes again, taking advantage of the only way she could avoid his. She pulled her hand away from his, crossing her arms across her chest. _

_Tim tilted his head. "Calleigh? Baby, what are you talking about?" he asked, confused._

_Calleigh bit her lip, shifting anxiously. One look into his eyes was all that kept her from bolting to the door again. One look into his eyes was all that kept her from closing herself down. One look into his eyes; seeing everything she'd ever felt for him reflected in his eyes; it was enough to ground her, make her feel safe. It was enough to put her doubts to rest, yet again. She let out a breath, finally locking her eyes with his deep brown ones, willingly. "I was twenty-two," she began shakily, her eyes not wavering away from his. "I'd been seeing the same guy for a couple years, and it was, well, fairly serious, I guess." She shrugged. "Long story short, I found out I was pregnant. I was twenty-two, scared, just a couple months away from graduation. I was torn, Tim; I didn't know what to do."_

_"What happened?" he asked softly, reaching out again, lacing her fingers with his._

_She shook her head. "I didn't tell him," she admitted quietly. "I didn't know how, and I figured it'd just be easier to hold off on telling him until I decided what I wanted to do."_

_Tim's breath caught in his throat. "What did you do?" He gazed into her watery eyes, watching her try and hold it together, and his heart broke for her. "Calleigh…"_

_"I was so close to graduation, Tim," she repeated, her voice cracking. "I didn't even like kids, let alone know how to take care of one." She finally broke eye contact, looking down as a sniffle escaped her. "It's selfish, and I hate that I felt like that, but I also didn't want to spend the rest of my life connected to him because I knew he wasn't the one."_

_"Did you…" he couldn't finish the sentence. He cupped her face with his hand, wiping away a stray tear with his thumb. Calleigh sighed, leaning into his touch, feeling so undeserving of it. Of him._

_"Two days after," she continued, "two days after I decided to keep the baby, I lost him."_

----------

Calleigh pulled her hand away from Eric's, nervously running it through her hair. "I just want to get home to Sammie," she muttered.

The rest of the ride was quiet, awkward even. The speed in which Calleigh jumped out of the car and made it to her door was remarkable, and Eric followed slowly, hoping he hadn't just succeeded in pushing her farther away. He stepped inside, just in time to hear the tail-end of Calleigh and Marisol's conversation.

"Calleigh, she was a perfect angel," Marisol said with a wide smile. "Absolutely perfect. She did have one crying spell, but I gave her a bottle and rocked her a little, and she went right back to sleep."

Calleigh smiled. "I'm glad you didn't have any trouble with her."

"Trouble? She wasn't trouble at all! If only all babies were as well-behaved as Sammie."

"Well, thanks so much again for watching her tonight," Calleigh said.

"Oh, would you stop that?" Marisol mock-scolded. "I enjoyed it, really. Feel free to give me a call anytime you need to get out or something, and I'll watch her." She looked at the clock on the wall. "Well, it's getting late, so I'd better be going. Night, Calleigh. Eric."

Calleigh smiled. "Night, Marisol." She led her out the door, closing it behind. With a sigh, Calleigh didn't say anything to Eric, instead moving straight down the hall to Sammie's room. She stood over the crib, gently stroking the baby's hair.

----------

_"Two days after," she continued, "two days after I decided to keep the baby, I lost him."_

_Tim was stunned. "Oh, Cal," he murmured._

_Calleigh shied away from his touch, isolating herself on the far end of the bench. "It was what I deserved," she said flatly. "I always believed it was some cruel punishment for ever considering ending the pregnancy to begin with."_

_"Calleigh, that wasn't your fault."_

_"You don't know that, Tim!" she snapped, feeling horrible as soon as she'd done it. Lowering her head, she brought a hand up to her face, tiredly rubbing her eyes. "I'm sorry, Tim," she whispered._

_"It's okay, Calleigh," he said, moving closer to her on the bench. He wished she'd stop trying to get away from him. It wasn't going to work; he was always going to follow her. "It's okay."_

_She looked up at him, and the pain he saw in her eyes was unbearable. "It's not okay, Tim. What if…" she trailed off, lacking the strength or the energy to voice her deepest fear. With a barely suppressed shudder, she tried a different approach. _

_"I lost the baby, and I didn't tell him. He didn't even know I was pregnant." She paused, lifting a hand to dry her eyes. "He didn't even know, but it didn't stop things from changing. After that, we didn't talk as much. We didn't spend as much time together; he started spending his free time with his friends, and I spent as much time as I could away from our apartment. We fell apart, Tim. I lost my baby, and I lost the first person I really trusted." She squeezed her eyes tightly, unable to stop the tears that trickled through. "I guess I'm afraid that's what's going to happen this time." She clasped her hands protectively over her stomach, her eyes cast downward. "I'm afraid I'm going to lose this baby. I'm afraid I'm going to lose you."_

_"Calleigh, that was a long time ago. It's the past, okay?" he said, his own voice cracking as he embraced her tightly, feeling her bury her face against his chest. "You aren't going to lose this baby, Calleigh." He kissed the top of her head, his heart breaking as her body shook lightly in his arms. "And I love you. I promise you; you won't lose me. No matter what, baby. No matter what."_

----------

Eventually she felt Eric step up beside her, watching her. "It's late," she murmured, discreetly lifting a hand to dry her eyes. "You should probably go."

He shrugged. "I don't have anywhere else I need to be."

She felt his closeness, and she couldn't suppress a shiver. Once again her mind drifted back to the kiss, and just how good it had felt to be held like that again. How good it felt to feel like she was the only other person in the world. How good it felt to have him there right now.

Suddenly, his lips were against her temple, and Calleigh bit her lower lip, her heart rate speeding up again. Her eyes closed, and the familiar sensations washed over her again. Lust. Want. Need. Possibly something deeper just below the surface.

With a deep breath, she turned slowly, facing him. Her eyes met his, and it was almost too much. No matter how good it felt, Eric wasn't supposed to make her feel like this. He wasn't.

And yet, that was exactly what he was doing.

He reached out, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, his fingertips barely skimming over her skin. He let his hand linger as he dropped a soft kiss upon her lips.

Calleigh shivered, feeling her spine tingling. Abruptly she stepped back, away from Eric, a burst of confusion slapping her in the face, quickly followed by guilt. She was torn.

She couldn't deny it. Physically, she wanted Eric. She wanted him so much. But the guilt she felt because of that one feeling was overwhelming. Eric was her best friend; Eric was Tim's best friend. It all came back to she wasn't supposed to be feeling this way toward him.

She should tell him to leave.

Eric tilted his head, reaching out and trailing a finger down her bare arm, feeling the goosebumps that rose in its wake. Calleigh felt another shiver race down her spine, encompassing her entire body.

She really, really should tell him to leave.

But the sensations he was causing within her; Calleigh couldn't deny that she missed feeling like that. She needed this. She needed Eric, even though she'd never admit it aloud. "Eric…" she murmured, her eyes closed. Her mind screamed that this was wrong; that this was Eric, not Tim. Eric wasn't supposed to make her feel like this. But the feel of his hands on her skin; the feel of his lips on hers was quickly silencing the protests within her mind.

It was taking too much out of her to fight. She couldn't deny that she was lonely. The possibility flitted around in her mind; maybe she needed this. Maybe she needed to feel like this again.

She exhaled deeply, closing her eyes, giving in.

"Calleigh," he murmured in return, feeling her surrender. He brought his lips back to hers, feeling encouraged when she didn't stop him. He kissed her slowly, his lips sliding over hers tantalizingly, leaving them both breathless. He broke away for only a second, immediately reconnecting their lips when Calleigh whimpered in protest, reaching out for him.

She silenced the warning bells going off inside her head, wanting this. Needing this. It'd been so long since she'd felt like this that it was a flood of sensation, completely snowballing every inch of her. Even through a layer of clothing, her skin was left burning in the wake of his hands, sliding just lightly over her, finally coming to rest at her hips. Calleigh's own hands found their way to the back of his neck, pulling him closer to her, further deepening the kiss. She tugged at him gently, pulling him into the hallway, presumably leading him in the direction of her bedroom.

Needing both air and to know that Calleigh was sure about this, Eric broke the kiss, breathing heavily, staring into her deep green eyes. He saw the lust there, the need, though both were clouded by something else; something Eric couldn't quite decipher at the moment. He touched her cheek, watching her eyes flutter closed, feeling her shiver. "Calleigh," he murmured, his unspoken question asked through his eyes.

"Eric, please," she whispered breathlessly. She couldn't fight this; this need for him was overtaking her completely. She tugged at his shirt, pulling at the buttons on it. Eric reached down, taking her hands in his, and Calleigh whimpered, not wanting to be stopped. "Eric…"

Eric lifted both of her hands to his lips, gently kissing the palm of each. "Cal…" Looking directly into her eyes, Eric let her resume leading him, pulling him into the bedroom before he had to kiss her again. He pulled her close, his hands sliding under her top, running over her back as he kissed her deeply. Calleigh moaned softly, already frantic with need. She made quick work of his shirt, pulling him onto the bed once that was off. It wasn't long before the rest of their clothing was discarded, leaving only them, skin against skin.

Gazing into her eyes, he made love to her slowly, leaving her entire body tingling. He'd wanted this for so long; wanted her for so long, and now that he was in this moment with her, he was determined to make it last. Afterward, he simply held her, trying to stay awake long enough to watch her fall asleep in his arms. But soon his own drowsiness became too much, and pressing one last kiss to her hair, Eric lay back, letting himself fall into a peaceful sleep.

Her eyes snapped open as soon as Eric's breathing evened out. Turning away from him, she raised a shaky hand to her mouth, trying to hold back the tearful sobs that threatened to spill forth. "Oh my God," she whispered, almost physically ill.

She tried thinking of anything that might rationalize this. It'd been almost a year; surely it was time for her to move on. Tim wasn't the kind of person who'd want her to linger on his death forever.

She knew she'd wanted Eric. She knew she still wanted him. But the emotional fallout was far too much.

She wasn't ready for this. It didn't matter how much she wanted it; she still wasn't ready.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she whispered a quiet apology into the night; possibly to Tim, possibly to Eric. She wasn't sure. She wasn't sure of anything, save for one fact.

Sleep would not come easily tonight; if at all.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**A/N: **Chapter twelve was always supposed to be the last chapter. That was the plan. Originally, it was less than 2000 words; then, like for the rest of the story, things changed, and somehow it ended up bordering on 7000 words. Now, I'm all for long chapters, but not quite that long; and it felt like there was far, far too much going on for one chapter, so twelve got split into twelve and thirteen. So this isn't the end like I'd planned; after this there's chapter thirteen, and then the epilogue, and that's the end. Possibly. :)

* * *

**Chapter Twelve **

_Hearing the front door open, Sammie shrieked with joy. Eagerly she began fighting Calleigh, trying to get out of her grasp. "Sammie, just hold on a second, sweetie," Calleigh pleaded, trying to brush the four-year-old's hair. _

_"No! I wanna go see Daddy!" Sammie argued, still fighting. Calleigh sighed and put the brush down, resigned to the fact that she wasn't going to get much more brushing done. Finally free, an ecstatic Sammie began running full-speed toward the front door. "Daddy! Daddy!" _

_Calleigh smiled. She had to admit; their daughter wasn't the only one glad he was home. Idly she began heading to the door herself, hearing Sammie's squeals and giggles grow progressively louder. Pausing in the doorway, Calleigh's smile widened. She knew the sight before her would never grow old. Obviously he'd just dropped his bags in the doorway in order to pick their daughter up and spin her around in his arms, laughing himself. He stopped spinning her and brought her in close to him, kissing the top of her head as she hugged him tightly. His eyes gazed over the top of her head, looking toward the doorway, meeting Calleigh's eyes. Calleigh smiled and gave him a short wave, watching as he bent down to put Sammie back on the ground. _

_"Daddy! Stay here; I wanna show you what Mommy got me last week!" Sammie exclaimed. _

_He reached out, ruffling her hair gently. "I'm not going anywhere," he promised. Sammie smiled widely and started to run off toward her room. He smiled as he watched her, not bothering this time to remind her of the 'no running in the house' rule. After all, all rules had a time when they could be broken, right? _

_Calleigh chuckled as she made her way over to him, her eyes not leaving his. "Welcome home," she greeted, reaching out to take his hands. "You have a good trip?" _

_Tim shrugged. "It was alright, I guess. You know I'm not a big fan of these conference things. Such a waste of time, really." He grinned, sending a shiver down Calleigh's spine. "I can think of so many better uses of my time." _

_Calleigh giggled. "And what might those be?" _

_Tim moved forward, skimming his hands along her hips. "I'll show you later," he murmured suggestively against her ear before pressing a kiss just below it, eliciting another giggle from Calleigh. _

_"I know I'll be looking forward to it," she replied with a grin. She stepped onto her tiptoes and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips before completely stepping into his embrace, wrapping her arms around him. "I missed you," she murmured against his chest. She breathed deeply; her knees weakening just from the scent of him. _

_Tim simply held her for a moment, closing his eyes and breathing her in. He rested his chin atop her head, rubbing circles gently over her back. "I missed you too," he said softly, swaying her gently in his arms. "Next time I want you and Sammie there with me." _

_"Next time I don't want you to go." She tightened her grip on him, not wanting to let him go; as though afraid to let go. "I love you, Tim." _

_"I love you too, baby." He pulled away just enough to slip his thumb beneath her chin, tilting her face upward. With his other thumb he caressed her cheek, watching her lean into his touch. "You're so beautiful," he murmured, and with that, he finally let himself do what he'd missed so much in the past week. Softly, he lowered his lips to hers, placing just the ghost of a kiss upon them before he connected their lips again, this time kissing her much more deeply. _

_Her lips parted for him, and she let out a tiny moan, feeling his fingers tangling in her hair. He held her tightly against him; he'd missed having her in his arms just as much as she'd missed being in them. Slowly he slid a hand beneath the hem of her top, trailing over her stomach, feeling her shiver. _

_It was then that Calleigh remembered that Samantha would be running back to the foyer at any second. _

_Reluctantly, she forced herself to break the kiss, resisting as he tried to pull her right back into another. "Tim," she protested weakly; she didn't want to stop, but they had to. Catching up would have to wait til tonight. _

_Tim grinned cheekily, cupping her chin in his hand. "You've never stopped me before," he murmured low, watching Calleigh bite her lip. _

_"No, but our daughter is usually in bed, or at daycare. She could run back in here at any time." Calleigh chuckled, her eyes sparkling. "I don't want you to have to give her 'the talk' any sooner than she needs to hear it." _

_"Baby, I'm not gonna be the one to give her that talk anyway." _

_Calleigh grinned. "Oh yes, you will." _

_"Calleigh -" _

_"I'll make you." _

_"Oh yeah?" Tim lifted his eyebrow skeptically. _

_"Oh, don't worry. The first time she brings her boyfriend home and you find them in the den innocently watching a movie or something, you'll be dying to kick that boy out of the house so you can sit her down and give her a good five hour long talk." Calleigh smirked. _

_"You're forgetting she's not allowed to date. Ever." _

_Calleigh rolled her eyes, chuckling softly. "What you don't know won't hurt you," she teased with a wink. She turned away from him before he could reply, looking around the corner down the hallway. "Where _did_ our daughter get to anyway?" _

_"What did she want to show me?" _

_Calleigh laughed. "She wants to show you what I got her last week." _

_Tim gave her a mock-stern look. "You're spoiling her, Cal." _

_"No more than you are," Calleigh retorted with a grin. _

_Tim grinned in return, giving a shrug. "Maybe we should see where she's gotten off to." _

_"Nuh-uh," Calleigh replied playfully. "She told you to stay here." _

_"But I'm curious!" Tim whined, and Calleigh laughed, leaning in to kiss him again. She was truly happy. _

----------

Calleigh sighed in her sleep, obviously dreaming. Eric pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to her hair. He drew his fingers gently over her arms, feeling the goosebumps that action produced. She shifted slightly, snuggling against him. Eric smiled happily, his eyes lazily scanning the room as he lay in bed. In her bed.

He'd seen the inside of her bedroom once, maybe twice before, but he'd never quite seen it from this perspective. He'd never had the chance to linger on it, and now that he did, he took the chance to take in every corner of that room.

It surprised him, really. The wallpaper, the furniture, the decorations -- none of them seemed exclusively Calleigh. It was as though it wasn't just Calleigh's room that he was in. And if that didn't trouble him enough, there was also the sheer familiarity of it all.

Eric was the one in bed with Calleigh, but oddly enough, he was feeling like the third wheel. He felt like he'd taken someone else's space, and true to his Catholic upbringing, he felt guilty. He was guilty and he didn't even know why. Uncomfortable, he shifted onto his side, facing Calleigh; facing her side of the bed, her side of the room.

And then he saw it. His breath caught; his heart clenched, and for the first time, Eric truly understood that saying, 'A picture tells a thousand words.' There it was on her nightstand; the answer to every unanswered question.

He'd gone through months of confusion; months of being left in the dark, and now one, single picture, cased in a simple, wooden frame shined light into every dark corner. And suddenly, everything made sense.

What Alexx had let slip to him that night at her house. The familiarity he always saw in Sammie's eyes. And now, as his eyes locked on that one, solitary picture, everything was suddenly falling into place.

Obviously, neither of them had known they were being photographed. There was far too much emotion in the picture for either of them to have known. She held onto him tightly, a tiny yet true grin teasing her lips, and he held onto her just as tightly, touching his forehead to hers as he gazed down at her with those dark eyes -- those dark eyes that Eric knew matched Sammie's perfectly.

It all made sense now. Tim was Samantha's father. Tim was the one who'd Eric had wanted to kill for leaving Calleigh pregnant and alone. Tim was the one he'd been cursing under his breath every time he'd seen Calleigh broken; near tears.

Eric couldn't believe he hadn't seen it before.

Abruptly a surge of anger went through him; though he wasn't sure at whom it was directed. Was he angry with Speed, for leaving Calleigh alone when in reality, he'd had no control over that? Or was he angry with Calleigh, for never telling him any of this? Or was he angry with himself, for being so damn blind? He didn't know.

His ears picked up on the slight whimpering from the baby monitor, and carefully he extricated himself from Calleigh, pulling on his boxers as he stood from the bed. He took a moment, simply watching Calleigh sleep before he began to head to Sammie's room.

Standing over the crib, he could see that Sammie, though she was just waking up, was already close to tears. _I know the feeling_, Eric thought, a sad smile touching his lips. He wanted to cry too.

With a sigh, he reached into the crib, gently lifting the baby into his arms. "Hey there, sweetie," he said softly. Sammie immediately quieted in his arms, her big dark eyes boring into Eric's. Her dark, searching eyes that were so definitely the eyes of Tim Speedle.

He'd looked into them so many times before. So many times had he noticed the familiarity but just not been able to place it. Eric still couldn't get past the fact that he'd missed it before. He was a CSI; he was supposed to notice these details.

It was a miserable feeling. Eric had always been second to Tim Speedle. Second in rank, second in experience, and now, second for Calleigh's affection.

It hurt. It really hurt.

Shaking his head, Eric forced himself to push those thoughts from his mind. He changed Sammie's diaper and fed her a bottle, all the while whispering gently to her. It wasn't long before he was placing her back into her crib, fast asleep.

Slowly he made his way back to the bedroom. For a moment he stood, watching Calleigh as she slept, clutching a pillow in his absence. As he watched her, he couldn't lie to himself. Despite knowing her secret, despite the hurt he felt, he couldn't deny that he still felt the same for her. He'd still do anything for her, without hesitation. He still wanted to give her everything. He was hurt, but he was still in love with her.

Calleigh gave a quiet whimper, and suddenly, it hit him. Sure, he was hurt, but Eric couldn't _imagine_ just what Calleigh had been going through. He couldn't imagine the pain she'd been facing.

And she'd tried to do it alone. She'd tried to push through all of this alone. It broke Eric's heart, all over again.

Needing to hold her, he climbed back into the bed, wrapping a tight arm around her. She sighed again, snuggling against him in her sleep. He watched her for awhile before he felt his eyes closing; before he fell asleep again holding the woman he loved.

But just before he drifted away, he silently vowed to always be there for her, no matter what.

----------

When he awoke again later that morning, Eric was alarmed to discover he'd woken alone. He assumed Calleigh had woken up and jumped hastily out of bed in shock, judging by the way she'd left the sheets rumpled and very un-organized. Very unlike Calleigh. She had to be distressed, Eric realized with a flop of his heart, to leave anything out of order.

With a sigh he made his way to Sammie's room, discovering that she was gone as well. Now panicking slightly, he walked out to the kitchen, picking up the phone and calling the one person who might know what was going on. Despite the early hour, the phone only rang once before she answered. "Hey, Alexx?"

"What's wrong, Eric?" she asked immediately, having picked up on the panic in his voice.

He didn't even try to lie to Alexx; that was how concerned he was. "Calleigh's gone. I don't know where she is. She didn't leave a note. And Sammie's gone too," he said in a rush.

"Whoa, hold on, Eric," Alexx said calmly. "Slow down; breathe for a second." She paused for a second, letting Eric think. "Can I ask why you're looking for her this early?" she asked, curious. She had a feeling she knew what the answer was; she'd looked at her caller ID before answering the phone. She knew Eric was calling from Calleigh's.

Eric sighed, raking his free hand through his hair. Why wasn't Alexx more concerned? "It's a long story," he muttered, wincing a bit. "I just really need to find her. And Sammie."

"Relax, Eric, she's fine. They're both fine."

Eric blinked in confusion. "What?"

"I have Samantha. She's sleeping like an angel right now."

"And Calleigh?"

Alexx sighed. "She's alright too, Eric. She just needed…to think." Anticipating Eric's next question, she answered before he could ask. "She's not here, Eric. She's not here, but I know where she is."

"Where?" Eric asked anxiously.

"Eric…"

Eric's temper flared; he couldn't help it. It was barely ten, and already he'd had a rough day. "You're not gonna tell me, are you?"

"Just give her some time alone, Eric," Alexx said. "She just needs some time. I do promise you; she's okay, though." Alexx paused, feeling the tension through the phone. "Although, you're not, are you? Something's bothering you."

Eric cringed. "Why would you think that?"

"Eric."

Eric sighed. There was no hiding anything from Alexx. "Okay. It's just…" he hesitated, taking a seat at the table upon finding he just couldn't stand. "Why didn't she tell me?" he asked, his voice cracking despite his efforts to keep it steady.

For a moment, there was only silence from the other end. Eric knew that Alexx knew beyond a doubt what he was talking about. "Oh, Eric," she said sympathetically. "I'm sorry baby, but you're just gonna have to talk to Calleigh."

----------

Calleigh sighed, holding the single tulip in her hand. With her other hand, she traced her fingers over his name, repeatedly spelling it out in her head. "I miss you so much, Tim," she whispered, a tear escaping her eye. Hastily she wiped it away, though it wasn't long before more followed. "I don't know what I'm doing, Tim," she whimpered, bracing herself for the dreaded emotional storm that she knew was about to take her. "I just really, really need you here with me. I thought it was getting easier, but I need you, Tim. I love you. I love you so, so much. I want us to be a family. You, me, and Sammie. Like we were supposed to be. Like in my dream," she finished on a whisper.

She took a few deep breaths, trying to steady herself before continuing. "Sammie needs you; she needs a father. Eric's great with her…" her voice cracked as images from the night before came back to her in a flood, and she stopped. "I'm sorry, Tim, I'm so, so sorry. It's just - he's always there, Tim. It feels so good to know that I'm not alone; that he's always going to be there. But he's not you, Tim. And I'm sorry. I don't want these feelings. I don't want to want Eric; I want you." Absently she picked at the petals of the tulip, sniffling occasionally. "I can't do this without you, Tim. I need you."

Cringing, Calleigh hurriedly dried her eyes as she heard a car door close behind her. Within moments she heard the soft crunch of the dry grass as the footfalls of her visitor came nearer. Calleigh knew who it was; she'd been expecting her for about the last thirty minutes. But even though she'd heard her come up behind her; even though she'd known she'd eventually come to check up on her, Calleigh still couldn't help but jump slightly as Alexx's hand fell gently upon her shoulder. In her numbed state, even the slightest touch had startled her. Letting out a deep breath, she turned her head, tilting it just enough to make eye contact. Alexx's hand tightened on her shoulder, and Calleigh knew she could tell she'd been crying.

"Calleigh."

And suddenly, Alexx was far too close to Calleigh. The touch on her shoulder became too much; almost overbearing, and Calleigh had to shake it off. She dropped the tulip to the ground and quickly scrambled to her feet, needing space; needing some distance between herself and Alexx. She crossed her arms and avoided Alexx's eyes.

For the first time, she closed herself off completely from Alexx; from the one person she'd trusted with everything.

Alexx watched her struggle to hold herself together. She knew Calleigh was trying to hide, but this time, Alexx was not going to let her. Purposefully she closed the distance, Calleigh's reddened eyes all too obvious to her. "Oh Calleigh," she murmured, and without giving Calleigh the choice, she stepped forward, embracing her.

Calleigh tensed, but she didn't fight, though instinctively she wanted to. She let out a shaky breath, knowing it was impossible to completely shut Alexx out. She'd just pry her way in anyway. The thought brought the ghost of a smile to Calleigh's lips, though it was gone as quickly as it'd come.

Alexx sensed the internal struggle Calleigh was facing, and she felt her heart break for her. "Calleigh…"

"I need him, Alexx," Calleigh murmured, almost inaudibly. She chuckled bitterly, pulling herself away from Alexx and crossing her arms again. "It kills me to admit this, but I can't do this by myself."

"Honey, you don't have to," Alexx replied. "You know all you have to do is pick up the phone or stop by, and I'll help with anything. And you know Eric would do anything for you."

Calleigh avoided her eyes. "Yeah…but he's not…" She shook her head. "I want Tim, Alexx. I want Sammie to grow up knowing her father. I just - I just want him back."

"I know, honey," Alexx said sadly. "I know." She didn't try to embrace Calleigh again, knowing Calleigh wouldn't let her.

Calleigh let out a breath, her eyes flickering toward Alexx's car. "Sammie…she's…"

Alexx smiled gently. "She was still sleeping when I came to find you." She'd planned to give Calleigh a little more alone time, but then Eric had called. His worry had concerned Alexx, and, leaving Samantha with her husband, Alexx had made her way out to the cemetery.

She hesitated for a moment, pondering whether or not to tell her that. "Eric called me," she said after a moment, gauging Calleigh's reaction. "He's worried about you, you know." Alexx raised her eyebrows when Calleigh flinched and looked away. "Calleigh?" she asked, immediately picking up that something was wrong. "Calleigh, did something happen between you and Eric?" she asked slowly. Like Eric had finally done with Tim and Calleigh, Alexx was putting two and two together. Calleigh's tension, plus Eric's concern, not to mention the fact that he'd called from her place; it all added up to _something_, though Alexx wasn't sure what yet.

"No," Calleigh lied quickly. "I…I don't know." She shrugged. "I don't want to talk about it. You know, I should probably just go home."

Alexx sighed; something had happened. And Calleigh obviously wanted to ignore it. Pursing her lips, Alexx granted Calleigh's request and didn't press the issue.

But there was something else that Alexx did want to press.

"Alright, in a minute we'll go back to my house and you can get Samantha and you can go home. But first…" she hesitated.

"Alexx?"

Alexx watched her intently, her eyes showing the seriousness of her coming request. "Calleigh, I want you to promise me something, okay?" Alexx said, softly though seriously. "This has been at the front of my mind since I talked to you last night; though it's been bothering me on and off for weeks. And I know it's not going anywhere until I do something. Calleigh, I want you to promise me you'll talk to somebody."

Calleigh looked away, knowing what Alexx was saying. "I'm talking to you," she said stubbornly.

Alexx sighed, taking a step closer. "But you _don't_ talk to me. You don't talk to Eric," she paused, again seeing a flash of something in her eyes at his name. "We're just worried about you, Calleigh."

"Alexx…"

"Honey, I want you to make an appointment -"

"I don't need a shrink!" Calleigh snapped, a little more harshly than she'd meant. She let out a breath, avoiding Alexx's eyes. "I'm sorry."

Alexx waved her hand dismissively. "All the apology I need is for you to make an appointment with someone."

"But I did, Alexx," Calleigh protested, looking for any possible way out of this. "I went to the counseling session the department required after Tim…after he…you know." She closed her eyes, still unable to say the word.

Alexx shook her head sharply. "Calleigh, you and I both know that's bull." She softened. "Number one, I wouldn't send _anybody_ to our department shrink," she said, earning a tiny smile from Calleigh. "And number two, that's just it. It was departmental. I bet you didn't say a word about how close you and Timmy truly were."

Calleigh sighed; she should've known she couldn't fool Alexx. "Alexx, I can't…" She stared at the ground, stoically biting at the inside of her jaw. Defiantly she crossed her arms. "I'm fine, Alexx, really," she murmured. She'd almost convinced herself it was the truth, so why wouldn't anyone else believe her?

"No matter how many times you say it, you're not fine. Calleigh, you've been through hell this past year," Alexx pointed out quietly. "And it's killing you." Calleigh opened her mouth to protest, but a sharp look from Alexx cut her off. "Honey, I've been watching you like a hawk for the greater part of the past year. And Calleigh?" She gave a sad sigh, placing her hand over her own heart for emphasis. "I can't imagine what all this is doing to you, but it's killing _me_ to watch you like this, sugar."

Calleigh didn't reply, but the slight slump of her shoulders told Alexx that she was getting through to her, even if only a little. She slipped closer to her, gently laying her hands on her shoulders. "Calleigh," she said softly, her eyes straying to Tim's grave. "Think about Tim, okay? Think about what he'd want you to do. He wouldn't want you to face all this pain by yourself, would he?"

"Alexx, he -"

"Calleigh, how many times did he try to get you to open up to him?" Her dark eyes latched onto Calleigh's green ones and wouldn't let her look away. "Hon, he hated to see you hurt in any way, but to see you hold onto that hurt by yourself?" She shook her head slightly. "There were few, few things in life that he hated to watch more than that."

Calleigh looked away, feeling her eyes start to water again. "I have a feeling he hates me right now anyway," she said quietly, turning toward Tim's grave again. Shakily she picked up the tulip, feeling Alexx's questioning stare on her back, but ignoring it.

With a sigh, she brought the tulip to her lips, placing a tiny kiss on it; once again finding the petals a poor substitute for Tim's lips. She bent down again, laying the tulip down in front of the stone, closing her eyes as new tears started to squeeze through. "I'm so sorry, Tim; I'm so sorry," she murmured, laying her hand on the stone, as always flinching at its coldness. "I love you."

Discreetly she lifted her hands to her eyes, drying her tears as she rose to her feet again. "Okay," she whispered, turning toward Alexx, but not meeting her eyes.

"Okay?"

Calleigh sighed. "I'll do it. I'll - I'll talk to someone," she said quietly. She knew it wouldn't be easy, but Alexx was right. Tim wouldn't have wanted to watch her like this.

Alexx nodded. "I can give you some names, if you'd like," she suggested softly, laying a gentle hand on Calleigh's upper arm. "If you're ready, I can take you back to my house and I'll give you those and you can get Samantha and head on home."

Calleigh sniffled, giving a nod of her own. "Yeah, I'm ready." Alexx gave her a gentle smile, and silently they began to walk toward her car; Calleigh pausing halfway there. She turned slowly back to the grave once more, her eyes drawn to the single tulip lying on the ground. "I love you, Tim," she whispered, fighting back a wave of new tears. Exhaling sharply, she turned and, once more putting on a brave face, she followed Alexx to the car.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Chapter Thirteen**

_He slipped his key into the lock, opening the door as quietly as he could. It wasn't often, or ever, really, that Calleigh took a sick day, so for her to have called in sick this morning, Tim knew she was really feeling horrible. Of course, he realized that when it didn't take the armies of seventeen countries to convince her to stay home. _

_She wasn't exactly sick, though. She was certainly nauseated and exhausted, and though it wasn't a bug, Calleigh wouldn't pass up the opportunity to remind Tim at every possible moment that it was something he'd given her. It was his fault. _

_But Tim could only smirk; reminding her that she'd been just as eager as he had; if not more so. And then she'd smack him. It was quickly becoming their morning routine._

_Except this morning, their morning routine had started several hours earlier. Namely, four hours earlier. At three in the morning. _

_Before Calleigh had given him a reason to leave the lab each night, Tim had gotten used to late nights. For several years, he'd made long overtimes a habit, just because he'd had nothing better to do. He was used to running on just a couple hours of sleep. But Calleigh was not used to that, and sitting in the bathroom floor with Tim all night, shivering as the waves of nausea crashed over her drove her even farther into exhaustion than she'd been when she fell into bed earlier that evening. _

_Breathing deeply, she'd rested her head on Tim's shoulder, groaning as the sunlight began threading through the curtains. Her spirits crashed completely as she heard the sound of their alarm clock echoing from the bedroom; it was time to get ready for work, and all she wanted to do was sleep. _

_She was as surprised as Tim was when she didn't fight him when he suggested she take a sick day. _

_But it didn't surprise him when he walked into the living room at lunch to find her on the couch, dead to the world, snuggled deeply under a blanket. Tim briefly thought about getting his camera, but he thought against it, since number one, it might wake her; and number two, she'd probably kill him for catching her on film like this. _

_Although, she also probably wasn't going to be too happy with him once she woke up and realized she wasn't where she'd fallen asleep, Tim realized with a smirk. But he couldn't just leave her on the couch. He'd fallen asleep on her couch with her more times than he could count, and, not that he would really change anything, but he usually woke up with a terrible backache after those nights. That damn couch was like a rock, but Calleigh's stubbornness was even firmer. Apparently the couch held some sort of sentimental value to her, and try as he might, he couldn't get her to let it go and buy a new one. _

_But in the back of his mind, Tim couldn't deny that there'd been some…interesting nights on that couch, backaches and all. And besides, it didn't take long for Calleigh to make him forget that pain anyway._

_And now, especially with the way she was sleeping, Calleigh was inevitably going to wake up feeling that same backache a little later on if Tim didn't do something about it. She already had nausea and exhaustion; a backache was the last possible thing she needed to wake up to. So, after taking a moment to stroke her hair and gently press a kiss to her temple, he slid his hands beneath her body, intent on putting her back to bed._

_She murmured incoherently as he lifted her from the couch into his arms, but she didn't struggle. Any other time she would've protested until Tim put her down, but she was too far into the realm of sleep to fight. She turned her head, sighing as she nuzzled against Tim's shoulder, his scent intoxicating to her even while dozing. _

_Smiling, he carried her to their bedroom. Their bedroom. Even after all this time, it still awed him that he could call it that. That Calleigh would let him call it their bedroom. _

_Gently, he lay her down on the bed, smiling slightly at her tiny whimper. She squirmed a bit, not too far gone that she failed to realize that she wasn't in his arms anymore and be annoyed over it. "Tim," she murmured sleepily, her eyes not opening. _

_Tim chuckled; she really was just too adorable for her own good. He didn't know what he'd ever done to deserve her. "Shhh," he whispered, pulling the blankets up over her body. "Go back to sleep, babe."_

_"Mmm, not without you," she murmured, reaching out for him. Her hand closed around his, and Tim couldn't help but feel his heart melt. Gently he lowered himself onto the bed, lying on his stomach beside her. He reached over, softly stroking her hair. _

_He waited for her breathing to even out again, and he raised himself up again, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. "Love you, angel," he whispered, pulling himself from the bed. He stretched lightly, taking the extra moment to watch her sleep…or so he thought._

_No sooner than he'd turned to leave, his hand was once more tightly enclosed in one of hers. "Hey, where do you think you're going?" she asked sleepily, not bothering to open her eyes. _

_Tim smirked; a sleepy Calleigh was an adorable Calleigh. "Nowhere."_

_"That's what I thought." She yawned, gently tugging on his hand. "Come on, Tim," she whined, forcing her eyes to open. She stared at him, the pleading obvious in her eyes. She'd never been clingy like this before, but now it was almost as though she really couldn't sleep if he wasn't there beside her. "Stay. Please?"_

_He sighed; he wanted to stay, he really did. But his lunch break was only so long, and he would eventually have to head back to work. For a second he toyed with the idea of taking the rest of the afternoon off, but then he remembered that, like his lunch break, the number of sick days he had stored up wasn't infinite either. And he had other times he wanted to save those for, most notably, about seven months down the line. Reaching out to her, he stroked his knuckle over her cheek. "Calleigh, baby, you know I have to go back to work eventually," he whispered._

_Calleigh frowned, biting her lip. She nodded slowly. "Sorry," she murmured. "I guess I forgot. I just -"_

_He placed a finger softly over her lips, effectively silencing her. Leaning over her, he replaced that finger with his lips, kissing her softly. "I said eventually," he clarified quietly, again lying down beside her. He pulled her closer, into his arms. "I can stay a little longer. At least until you fall asleep."_

_"Good." She shifted in his arms until she was in her favorite position - nestled comfortably against his side while her head rested on his chest, his heartbeat echoing gently in her ear. She couldn't help it; she loved that sound. She smiled, feeling Tim's fingers moving in soft circles over her back. "Keep that up and I'll - I'll -" she paused, unable to fight a yawn. "I'll be out in seconds."_

_He laughed quietly, pressing a kiss into her hair. "Baby, I think you'd be out in seconds anyway."_

_Calleigh smiled, draping her arm across his chest, wrapping around him slightly. "Yeah, but this way I'll have sweet dreams," she murmured, fighting another yawn. _

_He chuckled, feeling her tighten her grasp on him; obviously determined to keep him there all afternoon. He shifted slightly, an amused smirk crossing his face. "You know, Calleigh, eventually, you're gonna have to let me go."_

_She sighed, nuzzling against his chest, tightening her grip on him again, instead of loosening it. "I know," she murmured sleepily. "Doesn't mean I want to. Not yet."_

_----------_

She'd barely had time to shut the front door behind her before Eric was in front of her, concern etched upon his face. Biting her lip, she hugged her daughter closer to her, pressing a kiss into her soft blonde hair. She smiled weakly, not meeting Eric's eyes. "Hey."

"Hey."

She shifted on the spot, wishing he'd just leave and make this easier on her. It was easily one of the most uncomfortable positions she'd ever been in. "I didn't think you'd still be here," she whispered.

"Calleigh…" he tried to speak, but words just wouldn't come. She looked so broken in that moment; so fragile, and he couldn't help believing that part of it was his fault. Frustrated, he let out a breath. Calleigh had wanted it, but he should've tried harder to resist. He should've known she wasn't ready.

There were a lot of things he should've known. But when Calleigh was near him, he was blind to even the obvious.

Calleigh averted her eyes, concentrating on the tiles on the floor. "I'm sorry I left like that," she apologized. "I just needed…" She trailed off, and without so much as glancing to him, Calleigh stepped quickly past him, carrying Sammie through the apartment to her room.

Silently, Eric followed, not knowing what else to do. He stood in the doorway, watching as Calleigh placed the baby in her crib, leaning over the railing and gently stroking her hair. Vaguely he heard her apologize again, but it was so faint, he wasn't sure that it was meant for him at all. Quietly he stepped inside the room, slipping next to her by the crib.

She turned slowly toward him, still neither speaking nor meeting his eyes. Eric placed his hands tentatively on her shoulders, expecting her to pull away; encouraged when she didn't. Murmuring her name, he pulled her into a complete hug, feeling his heart break as she tensed in his arms.

The tension rose, and Calleigh quickly grew uncomfortable. She pulled herself from his embrace, wrapping her arms protectively around herself as she turned back to the crib.

Her hair fell around her face, and Eric wanted so badly to reach out and slide it behind her ear. Under different circumstances, he would've, and he almost smiled, seeing so clearly in his mind the shy, embarrassed smile she might've given him.

Eric gave a sigh, looking down at the little girl sleeping soundly in the crib. Calleigh's daughter. Calleigh and Tim's daughter. He closed his eyes, the pain hitting him all over again, and suddenly, the question that'd been burning him for hours now would no longer be ignored. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked softly.

And finally, Calleigh looked at him. She glanced at him through her reddened eyes, and with just one look into his, she knew exactly what he meant. "How did you find out?"

Eric nodded his head toward the crib. "Her eyes," he said simply, leaving out that he'd seen the picture on her nightstand while lying in bed with her. He had a feeling reminding her of that would only raise the tension even more.

Calleigh smiled sadly. "She does have his eyes," she whispered.

Eric nodded. "And you mentioned her stubbornness being something like her father's."

Calleigh giggled softly. "That it is."

The distance suddenly became painful to him, and cautiously he slipped closer to her, feeling his senses cloud as he breathed in the scent of her shampoo. "Cal…" With a finger he reached out, stroking her arm lightly. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked again.

Calleigh closed her eyes. "You never directly asked who it was," she replied quietly. "I figured if you didn't ask, then I wouldn't have to bring it up. I thought…I don't know."

"Maybe if you ignored it, it wouldn't hurt as much?"

"Something like that."

A tear escaped her eyes, and Eric reached out, wiping it away. All the hurt he'd felt earlier when he found out seemed to disappear; replaced only by what he'd always felt for Calleigh. His pain was nothing compared to how badly he wanted to take her pain away. "Trust me, Calleigh," he whispered, "ignoring something never makes it go away." He sighed, knowing all too well how true that was. "Even if you ignore it for years."

Calleigh leaned into his touch, relishing it. It was soft, gentle, and beyond all else, it felt good.

With a sharp intake of air, Calleigh caught herself and stepped away, facing Eric, turbulence within her green eyes. "Eric…I'm not - I'm not ready for this," she whispered. She glanced to Sammie, watching her for a moment as she slept. "I can't…"

He was confused. "Calleigh?"

She looked at him, mentally pulling herself together. "Eric…you're great. You're amazing. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you. Sammie loves you.…but I don't think I'm - I can't do this." She stared into his dark eyes, silently begging him to understand. It was the last thing she wanted, for him to walk away from her. She knew she couldn't handle that either. It was confusing, and she didn't know what to do.

Calleigh took in a deep breath, steadying herself before she continued. "Eric. You and me…I can't lie. I needed that last night. I wanted that. But now…it's just too soon, Eric. I don't want to wake up next to you in the mornings and feel guilty about it." Unwaveringly, she continued to gaze deep into his eyes. "This is killing me, Eric," she whispered, and finally she had to look away. "I want you; I'm not gonna deny it. I want you, but then I look at my daughter. I look into her eyes and I see Tim staring back at me, and it hurts. I feel like I'm betraying him. I just…I don't know what to do."

Eric swallowed, looking down at the ground. Mentally he kicked himself; he should've known Calleigh wasn't ready. It took every last bit of self control he possessed to keep him from rushing forward and taking her in his arms again. Space was what she thought she needed at the moment, and the least Eric could do in the grand scheme of things was give her that. "What do you need to do?" he asked slowly. "What do you want?"

Calleigh gave a helpless shrug, looking sadly out the window. "I don't know," she murmured. "I just want…" She closed her eyes, knowing exactly what she wanted. A tear escaped her eye, and hastily she reached up, wiping it away. "I just want things to be simple," she said softly. "Like they used to be." Unable to stop himself, Eric took a step closer to her, lightly laying a hand on her arm as she spoke. "Before…before, I knew what I wanted. I knew what I was doing. In a sense, I was ready to jump, you know, consequences be damned. As long as he was there to catch me, then I could take that chance. I'd never felt that, I don't know, reckless before."

Drawing her fingers over the railing of the crib, Calleigh hesitated for a moment, trying to sort out what exactly she was feeling. "And now, I don't have a clue. I feel like I'm being pulled in every direction; it feels like I'm literally being ripped apart." She shifted uncomfortably, biting her lip. In no way was she comfortable revealing so much to Eric, but at the same time, it was just as uncomfortable not to tell him. For him not to know. "You don't know what this is doing to me, Eric," she murmured. "I just wish things were easier."

"If it were easy, it wouldn't be called life," Eric remarked quietly, his eyes never leaving her.

Calleigh gave a tiny smile, though it was far from reaching her eyes. "I know."

"Calleigh, I can't change what's already happened," he said, watching her carefully. "I just wish I'd known so-"

"Eric, please don't say you would've done things differently," Calleigh interrupted, lowering her head. She chanced a glance toward him, though the curtain of gold that had fallen around her face was not enough to hide the pain in her green eyes. "Don't say you'd have changed anything."

Eric nodded slowly, sighing as he reached a hand into the crib, gently stroking his thumb over Sammie's cheek. "I was going to say I wish you'd told me," he paused, the corner of his lips twitching upward as Sammie cooed softly in her sleep, "so I'd have known what you were going through. So I'd have understood."

Calleigh shook her head, moving toward the door. "You wouldn't have." She slipped out, making her way to the living room, knowing Eric would follow her. She was right; within seconds she felt him behind her again, and she sighed. "Have you ever lost someone you loved? Not family, or a friend, but someone you really, truly loved?" she asked softly, gently skimming her fingers over the curtains, needing desperately to occupy her hands.

For a moment, there was silence. Then, it was barely audible, but his words rang loud and clear to Calleigh's ears. "I almost lost you once."

The fabric of the curtains fell from her fingers, and, her heart beating a little quicker than it should have, she stared at him. "What?"

Eric shrugged, suddenly feeling sheepish. "I almost lost you once," he repeated, much more quietly than before. He swallowed. "That day; that shootout at the bank a few years ago. I almost lost you that day." He shook his head as he lowered himself to the couch, a bitter chuckle escaping his throat. "Of course, I guess that doesn't count, since I never even had a chance."

The resentment in his voice stung her. "Eric…"

He sighed. "It just hurts, Calleigh," he said. "It just hurts that, for years I considered you and Tim my best friends, and this was going on and you never told me. And that I never, ever even suspected anything."

Calleigh bit her lip, taking a seat next to him on the couch. "Eric, we wanted to keep it secret. Things were less complicated that way," she explained softly. "Well, until I found out I was pregnant." She let out a breath, suddenly finding the floor to be the most interesting object in the room. "You know how inter-office relationships are viewed. We just both thought it was best to keep it a secret, until we both knew it was going to stick." A tiny smile flitted to her lips, and she leaned back, rested her head on the back of the couch. "I'd never had much luck in relationships; you know that. And he…we both figured, why bring it into the lab until we both knew it was real?"

Eric nodded, wanting to say he understood, but he didn't. He wasn't fooling himself. "Makes sense," he lied.

Calleigh smiled fleetingly. "Then why do I get the impression you're just as confused as I am?" she asked softly.

The briefest of smiles touched his lips as well, and he nodded again. "We're a real pair, huh? Neither of us knows what the hell we're doing," he remarked. He glanced at her, seeing her nod, but only really noticing the slight twitch at the corner of her lips. _And maybe that's why we're both here now, _he added silently. But then, she looked at him, her green eyes betraying the fact that her thoughts mirrored his own. Again, he was torn; he so desperately wanted to reach out to her, but he knew he couldn't. He knew she couldn't quite handle that right now. With a shrug, he opened his mouth to speak again, but stopped just as he heard her soft, almost plaintive voice break through the silence that had fallen.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, her smile gone again; her eyes once more trained on the floor. "You're right; we should've told you. I should've told you a long time ago. I'm sorry, Eric."

"Don't worry about it," he said quietly, hoping he didn't sound like he blamed her. Honestly, he didn't. "I still just wish…" he trailed off, not seeing the benefit in repeating it again. He was already hearing different versions of the same sentence in his mind; there was no need to plague Calleigh with it. _I just wish I'd known so I'd have held back. I just wish I'd known so I'd have known from the beginning that I never had a chance. I just wish I'd known so I could've stopped myself from falling in love with you. _

But above all else, that fact was what it all came back to. He wasn't off somewhere licking his wounds and playing the victim; instead he was still here with her because he loved her. He wasn't even close to it, at least not yet, but he was trying to understand everything because he loved her. He wanted her to see that he wanted to be there with her because he had fallen in love with her.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked softly after a moment. Calleigh didn't reply, and he took that as a yes. He bit his lip hesitantly. "Were you going to tell me? If I hadn't found out, would you have told me eventually?"

Calleigh didn't look at him. "Eric, you would've found out eventually," she said avoidantly, picking at a stray thread on her shirt.

Eric bit his lip hard, trying to counteract the sting he felt at her words. He knew exactly what her answer meant. She wasn't planning on telling him. _Calleigh, do you not trust me?_

She lifted her hands helplessly, glancing at him. "Eric, I do," she insisted, and Eric froze. He hadn't realized he'd asked her that out loud. He hadn't meant to; he knew a question like that would put her on the spot, forcing her to say something she didn't want to say, something he didn't want to hear, or a combination of both. "Eric, I do trust you," she repeated in a whisper. "It's just…once I finally got up the nerve to tell everybody the first time, look what happened." She shook her head. "It scared me, Eric; and trying to find that nerve, that courage again to try and say something? It's not that I didn't want to tell you; I just didn't think I could."

And suddenly, Eric was feeling quite foolish for ever doubting her trust in him. She'd just admitted that she was afraid; something he always thought she'd rather die than let show through. Her trust in him was evident, but her words still confused him. "The first time?"

"The first time we felt ready to tell everyone," she replied quietly. She let out a deep breath, her eyes stinging slightly. "We were going to tell everybody that night."

"That night?"

She nodded tersely, lowering her head. "That evening; the day he…"

Suddenly understanding, he reached out, gently rubbing his hand over her back. "You never got the chance," he murmured.

Calleigh shook her head, letting out a deep sigh. "We never got the chance." Hastily she stood; the touch of Eric's hand on her back felt far too good to let it continue. She crossed her arms and closed her eyes, breathing a little more freely in the distance she'd placed between them. "You know, I wanted to marry him," she admitted softly, a tear sliding down her cheek. But quickly she wiped it away, desperately trying to hold it together. "Not so long ago, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him." She hesitated, shaking her head. "Now I don't know what I want. I know he's - he's gone, but every time I feel like I should be moving on…the guilt gets me every time, Eric. I don't want to let go, but then when I close my eyes and think about what I want, do you know what I see?"

Eric didn't reply; though he did tense slightly.

Slowly she turned again, forcing herself to face Eric, her green eyes betraying every emotion within her. "I see you, Eric," she whispered. "I see you, and that in itself feels like betrayal, and I don't know what to do."

Eric was silent for the moment. Calleigh had never been this open to him before. She'd never revealed herself to him at this depth, and it floored him. "Calleigh," he whispered, standing. He fought the undeniable urge to run over to her and pull her into his arms. Despite his pain; despite his wounded pride, his heart was still breaking for her. Calleigh looked about two seconds away from falling apart right in front of him.

But with a couple of deep breaths, Calleigh again wrapped her arms protectively around herself, staring out the window at nothing in particular. Within moments she was back in control. Within moments she trusted herself enough not to lose it, and Eric found himself wishing she'd trust him enough to let herself cry in front of him. "I, um, I'm going to see someone," she announced quietly, shuffling her feet gently, effectively changing the focus of the conversation.

Eric tilted his head slightly, not quite sure what she was talking about. "What?"

Calleigh sighed, still avoiding Eric's eyes. "Alexx gave me a few names; she suggested I go talk to someone. Therapy, counseling, whatever..."

Eric nodded, realizing what she meant and silently thanking Alexx. "I think that's a good idea," he remarked cautiously.

The corners of Calleigh's lips twitched. "Oddly enough, I agree." Finally she looked at Eric, not missing the slightly stunned look that flashed through his eyes. "I wasn't going to do it. I was just going to come home and purposely forget about it. And then I got in the car, and I didn't know where I wanted to go. Part of me wanted to come home, and the other part of me just wanted to jump on the interstate and start driving north until I ran out of gas. Just leave it all behind. Just Sammie and me."

Eric's heart skipped a beat; it scared him that she'd actually considered that. Softly he whispered her name, moving until he was just a couple feet in front of her.

Calleigh ducked her head, bringing a hand up to rub her eyes. When she spoke, her voice shook almost imperceptibly, though infinitely noticeable to Eric. "I was halfway to the interstate before I realized what I was doing. I pulled to the side of the road, climbed into the backseat and just held my daughter and cried, without feeling foolish for doing it at all." She surprised him by taking the initiative and moving a little closer to him. "It hit me, Eric. All this time, Alexx was right. You were right. Everybody was right but me; but I just knew I was right. I wasn't listening to anybody. I thought I knew what I needed." She shrugged. "But I didn't have a clue. I should've listened to Alexx in the first place. I do need to talk to someone. I do need to try and move forward, even though it hurts. I do need…this." She stared at him, her gaze unwavering. "I really can't do this by myself. I do need help."

She paused, shaking her head at herself with a tiny laugh. "I mean, look at me, Eric," she said, lifting her arms slightly in emphasis. "Look at us. You don't know what to do, and me," she sighed, shrugging. "I'm so messed up right now that I don't know the difference between right and left. I don't even know what I want for lunch today, let alone what I…what I _want._" She forced a smile, closing a bit of the distance between them. Lightly she reached out, resting her hands upon his hips, not feeling ready for a full embrace. A smile touched her lips as she felt his hands come to rest on her arms, and a flash of that day in the lab so long ago came to her mind; she knew without looking that he'd been reminded of the same. "Just…give me some time, okay?" she asked quietly, almost brokenly.

"Take as much as you want," he murmured without hesitation. "I'm not going anywhere."

A flash of pain crossed her features, and Calleigh quickly lowered her eyes, knowing it would be a long time before she could let herself believe those four seemingly simple words from anybody again. She'd heard them so often from Tim, and she'd come to believe them implicitly.

Then, suddenly, Tim wasn't there anymore. He was gone, and Calleigh's faith, her trust had been broken, however unintentionally. She didn't know what she could believe anymore.

She shook her head just slightly, exhaling deeply. "Don't promise me that, Eric," she pleaded quietly. "That's what Tim always said," she added, barely a whisper.

Eric cringed, wishing he'd thought before he spoke. He knew that, despite whether or not she wanted to, Calleigh couldn't believe what he said. He sighed, nodding before he spoke again. "Okay," he murmured, lifting his hand from her arm and sliding her hair behind her ear. He let his hand linger on her cheek, but only just barely. "What if I promised you there's nowhere else I'd rather be than here with you? Would you believe that?"

Calleigh lifted her head, and her breath caught in her throat. The intensity of the sincerity in his eyes sent a shiver through her, and she found herself unable to look away. She bit her lip, a flood of emotion rushing through her; inundating her. "I want to," she replied, her voice surprisingly steady. She swallowed. "I want to believe that."

Eric stroked her cheek gently with his thumb, never once breaking eye contact with her. A small smile touched his lips. Calleigh wanted to believe him, and in that moment, it was enough for him. He knew he was committed; he was in this until the end, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

"Then all I'm asking is for you to give me the chance to prove it to you."

* * *

**Almost done...the epilogue is next. ****:)  
**


	14. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

_Four years later…_

It was a warm day in early September, but the cool breeze blowing in from the north still sent a shiver through her entire body. The air was quiet; the only sounds were that of the occasional car passing in the distance and the pensive melody of the birds as they flitted about in the trees overhead. It was the last word Calleigh thought she could ever use to describe this place, but now she couldn't deny that it was peaceful here.

Calleigh couldn't say she was completely there yet; after all, there were bad days every now and then, but they were becoming fewer and farther between. She wasn't there yet, but she was getting there. She was almost at peace again.

Closing her eyes, she breathed in deeply; the scents of late summer playing upon her senses. Freshly mown grass mixed with the natural saltiness of the Miami air, and if Calleigh concentrated hard enough, she would swear she could sense his unique scent mixed within. But no longer did it reduce her to tears; instead, it brought a thoughtful smile to her face as no longer did it bring back the memories of his death, but she was able to see past that now; she could remember the good times. The best times.

She could remember him with a smile now. That was a far cry from where she'd been before.

As always, she sat with her legs curled beneath her on the grass, the fingers of one hand trailing over his name on the stone, the fingers on the other hand holding a single tulip. A smile played on her lips as her mind was transported back to a different time; to a time when it was just Tim and Calleigh. When it was only them; when feelings were straightforward and far less complicated.

No longer was she forced to relive her first night alone when she came here; instead, her mind filled with memories of other firsts. Their first kiss. Their first real date. The first time she realized what he did to her. Time had passed, and Calleigh could look on those memories and smile. She was still saddened, but the good seemed to outweigh the bad.

"Oh Tim," she whispered on a sigh, her fingers gently plucking at the petals of the tulip. "You should've been there this morning," she said, a small chuckle escaping her. "Samantha started preschool today. You were right, Tim. I didn't want to let her go." She laughed softly. "We got there this morning, and she saw all the other kids and she wanted to go play, and all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and run back home. I actually got back to the car and cried, Tim. Our little girl is growing up already."

Calleigh smiled, pushing her hair behind her ears. "I wish you could see her," she murmured. "She's beautiful. I swear, looking into her eyes is still just like looking into yours. She even does this thing when she doesn't believe what you're saying or something, and I swear, it's completely what you used to do." Calleigh chuckled. "She still has your stubbornness, and she's getting your sarcastic streak. It's hilarious. What I wouldn't give to see the two of you together…"

She closed her eyes, her lips upturned as her mind brought forth images of Tim and Samantha, not doing anything in particular, but just living. Knowing each other. "God, I'd give anything for her to know you," she whispered, a tiny giggle escaping with her voice. "She would've had you wrapped around her little finger. I just know that every time you took her out, you'd be coming home with at least half of the toy store." She laughed, visions of a living room full of toys coming to her mind, with Tim standing in the middle of it, a sheepish, 'I couldn't help it!' kind of smile on his face.

"You know, sometimes I still wonder where we'd be today had things gone differently. And I know I can't have it, and you know," she breathed out, nodding her head slightly, "I think I've come to terms with that. But what bothers me is that I can't see what could've been. Would we have been married? Would we even still be at CSI, or even in Miami?" She smiled. "Would we have had our little boy by now? Our little Owen Timothy?" She paused, giggling as their argument about names came back to her. "I know I made fun of it, but you know I'd have given in and let you give him your name, if we'd had a boy. I know I say this all the time, but you'd have been a great father. A great husband. You were just…amazing."

Closing her eyes again, Calleigh lowered her head, letting out a sigh as the unmistakable sound of soft footfalls grew closer behind her. She felt him stop behind her, and her lips curved into a smile as his hand fell gently on her shoulder, squeezing lightly. Still, Calleigh didn't open her eyes, choosing instead to revel in sensation. The soft grass beneath her. The quiet breeze blowing around her. The slight tickle of her hair against her cheek.

The feel of the hand on her shoulder, and knowing that the hand was connected to one of two arms that would always be there to catch her when she needed it. Calleigh knew that for a fact, because he had been right there at her lowest points. He was always there.

The past five years had been difficult, and before, Calleigh wouldn't have dared admit that. They'd been the hardest years of her life; falling in love, only to have it all ripped away from her, and forcing herself to face the world alone. And that had all been in the first two years.

After that, Calleigh had taken Alexx's suggestion seriously, and at perhaps her lowest point overall, she'd gone to the counselor that Alexx recommended. It took eight weeks of beating around the bush before Calleigh would finally let down her outer walls, but in one particularly difficult session, she'd finally broken down completely.

In that one emotionally draining session, everything had come out. The intense pain she still felt over losing Tim. The nights that she still woke up shaking from her dreams -- whether they were good or bad, they always reminded her that he was gone. The pain she felt every time she looked into her daughter's eyes. The anguish at knowing that her daughter would never know her father. The intense guilt that she felt over her growing feelings for Eric; as well as the guilt that came from not knowing if she really wanted them to go away or not.

And the pain hadn't stopped as she walked out of that office to go home. She'd been emotionally raw that night. The feelings she'd thought she'd pushed away had come back to her in full force, and it was to the point that it broke her even to look at Samantha. Not knowing what else to do, she'd called Eric, and he was at her door almost as soon as she'd hung up the phone.

It'd been the first night she'd truly opened up to Eric. It'd been the first time she'd revealed the depth of what she had with Tim to him, and she still wasn't sure if it was because she wanted to, or just because once she started talking to him, she couldn't stop. Either way, it'd ripped her apart all over again, and that night had been the first time that Eric had really, truly seen her cry. He'd seen her fight tears before; he'd seen her cry silent tears. But he'd never held her in his arms as her sobs wracked her body, her face buried in the crook of his neck. It broke his heart, and he held on tightly to her, honestly afraid to let go; afraid he'd lose her if he let go.

As her sobs quieted, in typical Calleigh fashion she murmured a quiet apology, ashamed for falling apart like that on him; even though his quiet, "shh, you're okay, Cal; you're okay. I'm here," coupled with the soft touch of his fingers over her back nearly sent her to tears again.

That day had been the turning point. Everything had spilled out into the open that night; there was nothing left to hide. It had been that night that she finally let go of the pain she'd been holding by herself for so long. It'd been the night she hit her lowest point, and there was nowhere to go from there but up.

And Eric had been right there beside her the entire time. He'd been ever patient with her, and that alone awed Calleigh. She knew she hadn't been the easiest person to deal with in the past few years. But still he was there, and now, Calleigh had no idea what she would do without him. He really was amazing.

Another gentle squeeze on her shoulder brought her away from her memories and back to the present, yet Calleigh still didn't open her eyes, not just yet. She reached forward, propping the tulip up against the stone, letting her fingers brush over his name in the process. With a sigh, she leaned back again, and only then did she open her eyes.

"You ready?" Eric asked softly from behind her, his hand dropping from her shoulder. "It's almost time to get Sammie from preschool," he added, his eyes drawn to the stone in front of her. The soft breeze blew over his face, and he closed his own eyes, feeling a shiver at the base of his spine. Opening his eyes again, he nodded slightly, his eyes more than conveying his silent message.

_Don't worry about her, Speed._

Calleigh smiled to herself, fixing the stone in front of her with a long look. She let out a deep sigh, nodding her head. "Yeah." Dusting herself off, she rose slowly to her feet. "I hope she had a good first day," she remarked quietly.

Eric nodded. "Yeah, me too." His hand found its way back to her arm, his fingertips gently brushing over her forearm. "You okay?" he asked softly.

Calleigh bit her lip thoughtfully, the touch of his fingers raising goosebumps along her skin. Slowly she turned to face Eric, a smile on her face. "I'm good," she said sincerely, her light green eyes finally able to corroborate her words. No longer did her eyes betray her; no longer did they reveal what she tried to hide, because Calleigh no longer needed to hide anything. She really was okay. "Let's go get Sammie." With that, Eric simply nodded, and together they turned toward the car.

After only a few steps, Calleigh paused, letting Eric walk on in front of her a bit. Eventually he stopped and turned back to her, but he didn't come back to her. Instead, he simply waited.

Calleigh gave Eric a grateful smile, then once more, she turned back to the grave, her eyes landing on the single tulip propped up against the stone. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, again swearing she caught his scent on the wind. "I love you," she murmured, opening her eyes slowly. "That'll never change, ever. I'll always love you, Tim."

One last time, she turned away from the grave, resuming her short walk to the car; toward Eric. He said nothing as she stepped up beside him; he simply fell into step beside her, gently brushing his hand against hers as they walked.

It'd taken a lot of time and even more healing, but it seemed Calleigh had finally made it out to the other side. Finally she could see past a tragic end; a tragic end she'd thought would claim her life as well. But finally she could see past that. Finally she'd stopped fighting it, and she was able to embrace what she'd found to be true -- from every end sparks a new beginning.

Once more she glanced to her left, her sparkling green eyes meeting his deep brown ones, a genuine smile playing on her lips. And as together they walked those final few steps to the car, Calleigh moved almost imperceptibly closer to Eric, gently slipping her hand into his.

the end.


End file.
